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#400353 - 06/13/12 04:18 PM --
TimHorton Offline


Registered: 05/09/12
Posts: 44
--


Edited by TimHorton (07/01/12 01:13 AM)

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#400370 - 06/13/12 08:35 PM Re: I feel worthless. I don't matter. I have nothing [Re: TimHorton]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi,

I have a friend with multiple personalities. One of them hates me, and hates his youngest personality. And he'll do that laugh...

The other two moods don't like me or dislike me, just find me useful.

Yes, when you know their secret, all the sudden, you CAN become someone they fear. What if you tell it to someone else? He'll be shamed. Do you feel the same way about him now that you know? His mind will be racing with all kinds of negative possibilities that he'll be afraid of.

If he's still giving you kisses, I'd back off and let him set the pace. Give him all the space he wants. Those flashbacks are bad.

D.


Edited by Disappointed (06/13/12 08:37 PM)
Edit Reason: clarity
_________________________
Female.

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#400371 - 06/13/12 08:36 PM Re: I feel worthless. I don't matter. I have nothing [Re: TimHorton]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Oh, also, don't try to take things from someone who's been abused. They're usually hypervigilant, and you are pushing his buttons probably BIG time with that move.

D.
_________________________
Female.

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#400373 - 06/13/12 08:39 PM Re: I feel worthless. I don't matter. I have nothing [Re: TimHorton]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
If you totally back off, and let him decide when and how things happen, that will probably help. I know this is terribly, terribly hard, but that would be my suggestion. My friend likes total control.

He IS in therapy. Has been for years. Kicked the drinking, etc.,

Good luck.
_________________________
Female.

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#400389 - 06/14/12 12:52 AM Re: I feel worthless. I don't matter. I have nothing [Re: TimHorton]
colours Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 23
Loc: Australia
Tim,

Are you in therapy?? It has helped me to get some insight on what is happening? How he is making me feel and why he is able to make me feel that way? I went into therapy with the questions i wanted answers to, to understand how my perceptions, feelings, behaviour intertwine with his, gaining as much understanding of where is behaviour is coming from, which i can assure you has nothing to do with you, its not mine or your problem to own. When you realise this it wont hurt as much, it takes some of the pain of how his behaviour makes you feel away and gets you stronger to be able to deal with it. Its just hard to see that when his behaviour feeds into your own insecurities, im still working on this stuff myself and i dont know if it will help you, but sure wont hurt you. Sounds like your hurting now anyway, why not give it a whirl, and see what happens.

I hope your journey down your path to happiness is a short one.

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#400493 - 06/15/12 10:09 AM Re: I feel worthless. I don't matter. I have nothing [Re: TimHorton]
Blessedcurse Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 93
Sadly I can recognize this behaviour from one of my alters. I rarely act it out nowadays but there was a time when I did, in a period of intense flooding of memories.

This is how my world looked to me then: I was triggered by everything. Anything, like a word, a sound, a breath, something on tv, a colour and so on, could trigger vivid memories of abuse followed by horrible feelings. I did anything to escape, to keep my mind occupied. When contacted I felt disrupted, like the partner wanted to drag me out in the reality where abuse constantly happend (it felt like)

Also I would feel threatened for real. Movements, his body, anything would make me feel he actually wanted to hurt me. I needed control and distance. A hug would feel like an assault. Anything surprising felt like it was the purpose to hurt me, to take control from me. I would feel that he was secretly judging me for the abuse, that he thought me disgusting. I was overwhelmed by shame and couldn't differ between what I was feeling and what he was thinking.

What I needed from my partner was distance and control. I could be affectionate and loving when he turned his back at me but not if he would hug me back. I would miss him when he wasn't there but then feel threatened (and therefore in my right to atack him verbally) when we met.

Having said all this, I would like to point out that survivor or not, you are responsible for your actions towards other people. You have no right to verbally or physically abuse a loved one because you feel bad. My feeling bad was not my partners fault. We solved the issue by me starting therapy and assuming responsibility for my problems, but also by him accepting my need for distance and control. Don't take shit because you understand his feelings, it's not right! You are both people!

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