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#400289 - 06/12/12 11:41 PM biting the bullet
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
OK - i've been watching this forum and expecting/dreading/fearing that soon there would be a very triggering post about Father's Day coming up...

nothing!

so here it goes:

i always dread that day - because it was always a painful reminder. my real father was dead from my 3rd birthday on. the step-father was abusive and i hated Father's Day because i had to pretend to love, honor and respect him. i was obligated to spend my hard-saved allowance on a gift and a card - all to support a lie of respectability and normalcy.

when i grew up and got married i dreaded/feared having kids because i was afraid i would turn into HIM. i didn;t know how to be a good dad because i had never seen what it looked like - except on fake TV shows.

we had 3 kids and though i was unsure of myself every step of the way, they turned out OK, thanks to my wife, reading parenting books, listening to advice programs on the radio, and doing everything the opposite of my own parents.

this year i am more triggered by all the Fathers Day ads and cards and stuff than i have been since i can remember. this is the first one since all the memories came back in full force last oct-mar.

i thought i had - with time and more recent and better memories of my own relationship with our kids - put all that behind me. but my hands are shaking as i type this and i know it's gonna be a rough time this Sun.

how bout the rest of you? need to get something off your chest about THAT DAY?

waiting & listening...
Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#400306 - 06/13/12 03:03 AM * [Re: traveler]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:47 PM)

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#400325 - 06/13/12 10:16 AM Re: biting the bullet [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
Gary, you have more courage than i did. i just avoided him for years - until he died - and then it was impossible to do anything.

i hope you get the kind of resolution you need.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#400478 - 06/15/12 03:36 AM Re: biting the bullet [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3204
Loc: back in the USA
Perfect solution:

my daughter is visiting us at the moment, but leaves on Sat. that's sort of a relief because she will not be here on Sun. and i'm not sure i'll be very good company then. but she wants to take me out for a nice dinner on Fri. she said it will be more special because it will be only MY day - and i won't have to share it with anyone else. when she said that i turned to my wife and we shared a knowing look. it really makes me feel so much better! i know it's silly - but that's the way it is.

Lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#400481 - 06/15/12 03:52 AM * [Re: traveler]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:48 PM)

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