OK - i've been watching this forum and expecting/dreading/fearing that soon there would be a very triggering post about Father's Day coming up...
so here it goes:
i always dread that day - because it was always a painful reminder. my real father was dead from my 3rd birthday on. the step-father was abusive and i hated Father's Day because i had to pretend to love, honor and respect him. i was obligated to spend my hard-saved allowance on a gift and a card - all to support a lie of respectability and normalcy.
when i grew up and got married i dreaded/feared having kids because i was afraid i would turn into HIM. i didn;t know how to be a good dad because i had never seen what it looked like - except on fake TV shows.
we had 3 kids and though i was unsure of myself every step of the way, they turned out OK, thanks to my wife, reading parenting books, listening to advice programs on the radio, and doing everything the opposite of my own parents.
this year i am more triggered by all the Fathers Day ads and cards and stuff than i have been since i can remember. this is the first one since all the memories came back in full force last oct-mar.
i thought i had - with time and more recent and better memories of my own relationship with our kids - put all that behind me. but my hands are shaking as i type this and i know it's gonna be a rough time this Sun.
how bout the rest of you? need to get something off your chest about THAT DAY?
waiting & listening...
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9