Not sure what to say. I've been watching the Jerry Sandusky trial and was moved by Mr. St. John and it gave me the courage to get on this site. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, as well as severe verbal abuse in my marriage. It's been a maddening journey. The worst part is that people don't believe me. My family swept the childhood abuse by my brother under the rug, and continue to live in denial, even though my brother has been released from multiple teaching jobs under the auspices of sexual misconduct with a minor. After leaving teaching, he became a Big Brother. As a clinician, I know the patterns of perps, and his is perp 101. I even wrote to Big Brothers and told them the facts about his teaching background, and yet he is still with Big Brothers. I went to a domestic violence counselor and told her things I had never told anyone about the things I endured during my marriage, very painfull things. She told me I was equally to blame. This was a couple years ago, but it may as well have happened yesterday. I filed a complaint with the local mental health board, and my complaint was not taken seriously and the person handling it did not stay in contact, or advocate for me. I feel like no one cares, because I am a man, and men don't get abused by women, and if they do, they just need to "get over it". And it is just so hard to phathom that my family can continue to live in denial, in spite of FACTS!I hope I can find support here, but I'm very leary right now. It's no offense to anyone, it's just where I'm at, as I am trying to learn to rebuild trust.

Kevin

Wow wow wow Kevin.

Sorry that you have had to endure this in your life.
You are in the right place, amongst this strange brotherhood of men throughout the world, and I can pretty much assure you that their is someone that has been through the same or similar to you.
These men will be able to offer love, understanding, empathy and finally advice that stems from their own personal journey.
Read a lot, talk a lot and ask a lot of questions, and you will get help.

Welcome and heal well Brother
Martin

Welcome to MS, you are not alone in your struggles with female spouse verbal abuse. It is real and happens more than recognised by those that matter. I was married for 19 years to a woman that was verbally/emotionally abusive and once physicality attacked me, that is when I retaliated so she stepped up the emotional verbal abuse. I had 2 daughters and in those days the wife's got custody of the children so I stayed with her to protect my kids.

Dusty

Hi Kevin,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

Please do not give up your desire to heal from the abuses you endured because of ignorant "clinicians" and family members that are afraid to see past their own denial.

It is unexcusable that the mental health board (ethics committee?) refused to take your complaint seriously. I can't think of a more egregious violation of ethics than for the board overseeing clinicians failing to uphold their guidelines for ethical practice and for failing to accept reports of unethical conduct.

There are thousands of guys here who know you are speaking the truth, about your brother and about your wife. Men are abused by women every day. Aggravatingly, there are too many in the therapeutic field with their own issues with men and who refuse to accept that men are abused by women. Worse, they cause harm by not only denying such abuses take place, but they blame the man who dares come forward seeking help.

Here at MS you will not find people doubting your truth or telling you that "it didn't happen," "men can't be abused" or other messages which diminish, deny and harm.

Sometimes those closest to you - family - are the ones least willing, or able, to accept that the abuse happened. Whether they are stuck in their own guilt or denial doesn't really matter. The result is the same. They would rather deny what you know to be true than to face the painful facts that abuse happened and they either did not know, or they turned a blind eye to it and they failed to intervene.

You may never get your family to accept that the abuse happened and that your abuser was your brother. Whether or not you continue to try to get them to acknowledge and accept this is up to you. Sometimes it isn't worth the emotional toll it takes on you to try to get them to accept that which they have a vested interest to deny.

I know you are leery of reaching out to another therapist, but working through the issues of abuse, regardless of the form or the ages at which it happened (or is still happening), is something best done with the help of a therapist. I suggest you find a therapist, preferably one who specializes in trauma and/ or sexual abuse. The Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping will give you a list of questions to ask a prospective therapist. Psychology Today has listings for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.

As a clinician I hope you can see the inherit danger of the adage "physician heal thyself."

In addition to therapy and this site, there are several books you might find useful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew.

I am certian others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.




Anomalous

Welcome Kevin and I truly hope you are able to find some peace here. You will find out there are plenty of people who have been abused . I hate to overshadow your welcome but you should break down the walls of hell if that is what it takes to get someones attention about your brother . No way in hell do i sit back idle day by day and let someone abuse another child . Not that you have not done something and i respect that but do what ever it takes to make this stop . some one is depending on you stop the insanity before it happens it is a lot easier to stop abuse from happening than trying to fix a adult after the fact .

Peace and blessings to you brother welcome and hate to be blunt but do not want to see some one here 10 yrs from now if it could be prevented