I can sit close to the edge
and see a long way
I am in the belltower,
above the foyer
It is an old church, but rich
architectural detail and dark stain
the smell of thick timber and dust
if it weren't so dark this would be fun,
I look down the front,
there I see the candle....
it means Jesus is home..that is what my mommy said,
I see a boy sitting on a bench with an older man,
they are five steps from jesus.....
It was just two hours later when I looked down and saw
the older man touching him...
playing with his pants and pushing his finger inside him,
Jesus's candle burned on.....
Years later I visited the site,
it is still a house of worship,
I close my eyes and see my young body kneel,
I had taken him in my mouth not ten feet from the alter,
the walls move and the seconds freeze,
others ask me questions I don't want to answer
I hear the ringing in my ears as silence becomes oppression
I shiver and remember embarassment at my affection for the man,
I close my eyes just for a second more,
and think back to those moments and remember..
desparate for love, I would have done anything,
just love me, you can have my body..just love me,
betrayal and loss are all I feel now,
all those years ago I just didn't know,
affairs of the heart and romance are a child's dreams,
what he wanted he took, whether He asked Jesus or not who knew?