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#401662 - 06/25/12 10:32 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Dark that your finishing line looks like joke to me about some "problematic area" and I like it!
You know that I and my niece used to walk trough city commenting happy couples - neither me nor she was in relationship at that time, she is now married and I'm a still at same place smile. We would talk how much they needed to pay depending on amount of affection displayed. In reality we both wanted to be heavily fined smile
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#401669 - 06/25/12 11:43 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1929
Loc: durham, north england
Yep, a joke of course, albeit slightly a bitter one. Though even if there was! a ban on public displays of affection, that probably wouldn't avoid people showing the sort of communication I have such trouble receiving, sinse it can exist without touching, or sometimes without speaking even.

About your niece Peroperic, she's female, so the rules don't apply, sinse for women the relationship business is so much easier, they only need to wait for someone else to ask them, often I wish I was female for this reason.

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#401694 - 06/25/12 07:19 PM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
HappyDays Offline


Registered: 06/16/12
Posts: 28
I am sorry if I offend anyone on this post. I am holding true to what I believe and I again I am sorry that it offend anyones beliefs.
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Anything and all things are possible when you understand the feelings coming from you heart

Courage, honor, respect = strength!!!!

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#401744 - 06/26/12 03:45 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1929
Loc: durham, north england
Happydays, I'm not offended in the least and please don't appologize. That you wanted! your children and love spending time with them is only a good thing, albeit that it is simply not a desire I share.

While I feel slightly jealous that you've had the sort of experience which I needed to have, this jealousy isn't personal or destructive, just a generalized feeling, and in many senses it's probably good for those who haven't had to make a resolution like mine to think that such things are! possible for a surviver.

So, please don't feel sorry.

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#401843 - 06/26/12 10:47 PM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
My relationship developed slowly, as we became better friends and starting seeing only eachother and got to know eachother better.

Fear of intimacy used to drive me: as well as shame about male sexuality and my own sexual thoughts: being honest with myself about where I was at, and that I wanted to try to develop a closer, more intimate relationship with a female, set me on the path I remain on.

Practice Practice Practice. and Honesty with yourself.
_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#401890 - 06/27/12 06:17 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1929
Loc: durham, north england
Practice what? do what? be honest about what?

while I appreciate you've got there buck, I do sometimes get a little irritated with people who give constant, general suggestions.

I meet a female friend, we go for coffee. We see more of each other, we go out somewhere together. then what? This has happened more times than I can count with more female friends, some of whome I would've liked to get closer to, some of whome not. But nothing happened, and nothing continued to happen.

Saying "practice" makes no sense to me, sinse what the hell am I supposed to practice?

this is what has convinced me that my receptors are just too broken, sinse I can never determine what is supposed to happen, what I'm supposed to practice at or what signals I'm supposed to pick up.

You might as well ask me to practice seeing in infra red.

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#401951 - 06/27/12 02:06 PM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hm, for me practice means in this context something like:
calling girl for drink/coffee;
starting some conversation;
getting close to someone that I like;
trying to share some intimacy;
expressing my feelings (liking) etc.
Those are just some of my problematic areas regarding starting relationships.
Where would all that leave me?
If I'll dare to ask, talk and do things that I've written above (repeating such situations many, many times) I'll found my answer...
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#402010 - 06/28/12 04:44 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1929
Loc: durham, north england
I've done most if not all of the above however, and got no where.

We go out for coffee, other social arrangements or whatever, we have long and astounding conversations, then nothing else happens.

What is "supposed" to happen then?

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#402088 - 06/28/12 07:39 PM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
Bradley P Offline


Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 44
Loc: AR
If you are attracted to her, feel feelings of romance, or you want to kiss her or something, you let her know you're interested. Flirt!

Are you or have you ever been attracted to someone during these situations?
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"Life is for living, we all know...but I don't want to live it alone"-Chris Martin (Coldplay)

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#402122 - 06/29/12 06:19 AM Re: How to start intimate relationships again? [Re: Justaname]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1121
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Originally Posted By: Justaname
Hey guys

My question is how does one seek out an intimate, sexual relationship with a female after being sexually abused by one as a child?

I have had a love-less life, remaining celibate for many years after a few botched attempts at relationships and sex.

How do you conquer this demon after being alone for so many years?

Just start dating?


I wouldn't know where the hell to begin...



While I wasn't (physically) seksually abused by women, I was emotionally abused and neglected for sure.

So, I will tell you what NOT to do:

- Deny your feelings
- Assume the problem with women relationships is all in your head
- Turn off your feelings and come up with a strategy to marry a woman (basically behaving like the man you think woman want to marry)
- Connecting your self-worth to being desired by women
- Propose to the first woman that shows any kind of love toward you
- Keep all your past secret because to open up would jeopardize her loving and marrying you
- Live 20 years in a marriage being triggered and triggered by power struggles and control issues, and having to keep SECRETS because you withheld information about your past from her

So that's what NOT to do.... You know why I know....

Jim
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Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

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