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#39986 - 06/14/03 12:19 PM Fathers Day!
Little_E Offline
Member & Volunteer
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 169
Loc: London UK
Tomorow (Sunday June 15th) is Fathers day over here in the UK. I havent seen my Parents in just over 3 months. And I miss them. I usealy been able to get back home once a month from uni, to say hi, but been working to hard, Havent had much time for anyone else, let alone my self.

My Dad, has always been there for me. He never abused me. I know I have never been very close to him, and he wasnt there while growing up, him working all the hr's he could to provid for us. I understand stand now. But then i didnt. Its only now am I being to see the friendly port in a sea of troubles. What I need... No what I am going to do 2morow, is catch the train down and surprise him, Show him i do love him. And how much he means to me.

Since I have been at uni, he supported me as and when he can, he's given me my rent money twice, And i know that he dont have that much. I owe him so much. I just dont think he knows that. 2morow i will make it right, I will show him that I will be there for him as well.

I love my dad, I just wanted to share that!

Elliot.

_________________________
If your not livin on the edge your taking up to much space!

DISTUBED VISIONS OF AN UNDERWORLD!!

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#39987 - 06/14/03 01:55 PM Re: Fathers Day!
blacken Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/13/01
Posts: 1238
Loc: Northern Ohio
Little_E,
Its nice to here some1 say they Love their Dad. I am glad he was & continues to be a friendly port in a sea of troubles.

I have a very different feeling toward F day. All the advertisings about "gifts for Dad" make me sick. I am also jelious of those who acually love their Dads. I always wondered about that as a kid. I had allways found it incomperhencable when some1 would say they loved their father, when I despized my own so much.

I sincerely hope you have a Great day with ur Dad tomorow!!
Blacken.........

_________________________
Everyone is a genius! If you were to judge a fish, by its ability to climb a tree,
it would think it was stupid all of it's life.
~Albert Einstein

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#39988 - 06/14/03 04:19 PM Re: Fathers Day!
fragile37 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7
Loc: WI.USA
Father's Day...I am just about numb and have not been able to leave the house for the last few days. The first official Father's Day was June 19,1966. This was my birthday and a secret until one day I looked at calendars in the library as a teenager. No one ever made mention to the day my birthday fell on and it makes me wonder why. My father always said your "my boy" and maybe thats why. Im the baby of five kids,three sisters inbetween,and my bro the oldest. Everyone got beat my dad but me,I got the sexual abuse. Im not sure how tomorrow will be but I will say hi to dad in my own way. I am still waiting to join him in the grave.


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#39989 - 06/14/03 05:18 PM Re: Fathers Day!
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
These various holidays are hard for we who are in recovery from whatever. I wish someone could find a way to help us through these when they are hellishly painful. There is no easy answer I guess.

Fragile, your joy is not in the grave with your father. Your joy is in knowing that he could not rob you of life. Now, you and most all of us, need to figure out how to live life to the fullest in spite of that sad stuff that happened to us.

On Friday the 13th a bunch of people here went sky-diving. One of them said that jumping out of the plane and free-floating until they joined together was "the greatest thing in life." I kind of hope life has more to offer than jumping out of a plane.

Perhaps we can figure out a way to celebrate the day as the men who fathered themselves--and I think we were pretty good fathers most of the time.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#39990 - 06/14/03 06:09 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Elliot
I'm like you a bit, I wasn't abused by my father or any family member. But I'm not that close to him either, I've lost so much in the last 30+ years that it's hard to catch up. But like you, I'm trying.
I can't be with him tomorrow, but I've seen him today and I'll take both parents out for dinner next week sometime.

How guys like Blacken, Fragile and all the others who suffered at the hands of their fathers cope with this 'celebration' I find hard to imagine, it must be like having your face rubbed in the memory of the abuse.
Do as Bob say's maybe, and celebrate the fact that you are a good father figure to yourself ( and your family if you have one ) Nobody say's you have to join in with all the 'happy families' - although with all the advertising it's damned hard to avoid it.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#39991 - 06/15/03 12:23 AM Re: Fathers Day!
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Fathers Day is cool with me even tho my bio father
incested me & left when I was 4. First of all becuz I have broken the cycle and been an if-not-perfect then a definitely-not-abusive father. My daughters' both love me & I them. Also I have a cool father in law tho I don't see him much; he's up north. Also I believe in a heavenly Father Who tho I've often questioned it loves me & has never abused me.

Lots of ways to look at what a father is and to celebrate Fathers Day.

Tomorrow I get a fresh peach pie from my wife & daughter! Good enuf!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#39992 - 06/15/03 01:41 AM Re: Fathers Day!
Nathan LaChine Offline
Webmaster
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/22/03
Posts: 5378
Loc: Washington State
Elliot I hope you and your dad have a great time. It is never too late to tell/show someone how much you love them.


lots of love, Nathan


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#39993 - 06/15/03 05:42 AM Re: Fathers Day!
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Hey, you guys.

I celebrate with Elliot and wish him God's speed in his trip to be with his father.

I mourn for those of us who have mixed feelings or feelings of hate for fathers who weren't there or who beat us, or berated us, or abused us.

I almost can't explain the joy that I have in my heart for all of the Fathering that goes on here.
Some of us were nearly destroyed by our fathers and yet most of us turn and give solice and comfort and understanding and LOVE.

How could we have been so unfortunate?

How could we be more blessed by the men here who shelter us from the storm and offer us a warm place to be.

A warm place to be, to be, to be...............

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#39994 - 06/15/03 06:30 AM Re: Fathers Day!
bowman Offline
Member

Registered: 04/19/03
Posts: 72
Quote:
Originally posted by ivanhoe:


How could we be more blessed by the men here who shelter us from the storm and offer us a warm place to be.
Well put, Ivanhoe.

Elliot, its good to hear about your dad, a good reminder that my narrow focus on my issues doesn't apply to the whole world. Have a great day.

Let's hear it for all the men on this site who were fathers to the best of their ability and didn't pass on the horrors of their pasts. Thinking of that actually makes me appreciate this holiday.

Ken


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#39995 - 06/15/03 07:37 AM Re: Fathers Day!
fragile37 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7
Loc: WI.USA
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...GOOD GUYS THAT IS!!I had a good chat buddy to help through the night on another site. Sorry if I was too negative. It's going to be a great day and im going to the lake to enjoy the sun. All good here 4 now.


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#39996 - 06/15/03 01:29 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Father's Day for me is the love my Daughter has for me.

My Dad physically abused me and that is why I ran away so often. He was also responsible for getting me into Military College where my journey into Hell started. I was, however, able to make peace with him 6 months before he died. And I miss him terribly. It has only been 2 1/2 years. He would have been 85 on March 26 last. Happy father's Day Dad.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#39997 - 06/15/03 02:12 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
Happy Father's Day to my fathers and brothers too!

  • Waumei - Victor

  • TallSteve - Steve

  • Al - Need I say more? \:\)

  • Ivanhoe - David

  • Mikechurch - Mike

  • Nathan - Well actually 'Granpa's day' \:\)

  • Lloydy - Dave

  • ksinger - Ken

  • TheDean - Bob

  • SickPuppy - Josh

  • James - Again... need I say more?

  • Michael Joseph - MJ

  • Guy43 - Jer

  • DWF - Danny

  • Sonlite - John

  • Sleepy - Mike

  • Outis - Joe

  • MrDon - Don

  • Usel51 - Steve

  • Brian-Z - Bri

  • JK - The ever conservative Jack! \:D

  • JosephD - Joe


Hope I haven't left anyone out. You've all helped to get me to June 15th. Your guidance and support are what being a father is REALLY all about. Be proud of yourselves and what you've accomplished. You've all looked past your own abuse histories to help your sons/brothers. Not because of the abuse but because you all are who you are inside. You are ALL so much more than your abuse could ever be!

'Round of applause for you all and thank you so much. there's not a one of you that I wouldn't share a foxhole or a cup of 'Joe' with.

Thanks Dads!


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#39998 - 06/15/03 04:56 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
David

Ditto. Expresses my feelings exactly.

Ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#39999 - 06/15/03 06:18 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Ivanhoe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/19/03
Posts: 1907
Dearest Son, Marc,

Thank you for the tribute. You've done some "fathering/brothering" of your own around here, so include YOUR name on that list.

Say, did I miss an explanation from you, while I was away, about the change in avitars--I think that's what they're called--or were you just sneaking that one by us.

As I recall, you were a top banana, or something, weren't you?

And now I see this--what is it?--hour glass?

Is there a message in that, that isn't too subtle?

I had been getting ready to ask you if you were going to motor to Minneapolis for the conference and maybe join me in the sweat lodge ceremony--I don't know if I really have the stamina to actually do the sweat lodge--but I was going to invite you just the same--you know, I could cheer YOU on!

But now, I'm noticing this hour glass symbol by your name. Nothing more than you collect hour glasses, right?

Sometimes friends call one another out, looks like I'm calling you...........out.

That must have been my father hat,

David

_________________________
"No soul is desolate as long as there is a human being for whom it can feel trust and reverence."
George Eliot

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#40000 - 06/15/03 06:22 PM Re: Fathers Day!
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Father's Day was always a rough day for me also! But after my dad died, life sprung A-L-I-V-E!! Now Father's Day is spent with my children whom I respect and love and who show great love and respect in return. I talked for over an hour with my daughter and her husband in Florida - what a fantastic time!! Went to dinner with my two sons (and my beautiful wife) and had the time of my life (so proud of them all!!!). Although I never really had fathering, my joy is being a father..real father to my kids!!

Howard

" Real father's hug their kids" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#40001 - 06/15/03 09:18 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5778
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
Yeah, it was a good Father's Day. Got a call from my son in Germany this morning, and had a nice chat. I then called my Dad and had a good conversation with him. He's almost 84 and you never know how long anyone is going to be around. Then, just before dinner, my daughter called from Ohio (she called earlier while I was out picking up some things for a really nice breakfast which included our first strawberries from the garden.)

Thanks, Marc, for the good wishes. Hope all had a good day as well.

It's just nice to reflect on the good things in life and appreciate loving and being loved.

Ken


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#40002 - 06/15/03 10:44 PM Re: Fathers Day!
jimrh Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/22/03
Posts: 273
Loc: Roswell, GA
I'm glad some of you had a great fathers day.

For me, it has no meaning with regard to my father...only that I am a father myself.

Today my wife walked out, as she left I said happy fathers day.

Happy Fathers Day.


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#40003 - 06/15/03 11:39 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Jim,

Fellow survivor I am so sorry.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#40004 - 06/16/03 06:13 AM Re: Fathers Day!
lauraanimal Offline
Member

Registered: 06/12/03
Posts: 58
Loc: montana
i never thought much about fathers day in the respect of the abuse my husband went threw at the hands of his "father". james tried to keep his abuse hidden from me untill a little over a year ago. even though i figured he had, i didnt know to what extent till then.

sence he has told me we have had 2 fathers days. not until today did i realize the impact of what this day might mean to him. he as never said a negitive word about it. even though he went threw total hell at the hands of his father. and i can only imagine what was asked of him on this day when he still lived with him. i shudder just to imagine it.

however in moving beyond that point, it makes today even mor special to me, and this is why;

james has never once sence we have had kids let them know what today might mean to him, not once has he complained of the pain it brings him . he stands strong in the sight of his children, they, never knowing what life could be like "if" he never tried and succeded in breaking the chain of abuse.

i am so proud of him and i want to say that is his
a "GREAT AND WONDERFUL FATHER"!!!!!!!

Happy Fathers Day sweety, YOU ARE ONE GREAT DAD!!!

wishing all here a good and happy fathers day, and cuddos for all those who also has broken that chain. (((((((hugs for all those that hurt today that wants them))))))))) i'm truely sorry for all of youthat suffered at the hands of there fathers.

Laura

_________________________
always be true to your self and your heart.
dont forget to love yourself 1st, then the restwill fall into place.

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#40005 - 06/16/03 11:27 PM Re: Fathers Day!
mattandrew Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/26/01
Posts: 376
Loc: Florida
Must be nice for those of you who are now fathers or actually have a father to take your old man out to lunch and spend time with him,for me fathers day sucks and the way i look at it is this,fathers day is just another day of the year,it comes and goes,just like my father did except for the factor of we all now call MALE SEXUAL VICTIMIZATION.Thanks to this factor i do not have a father,to me my old man is dead and has been dead for over 13 years,i wish that whoever came up with designing a calendar would remove the words "FATHERS DAY" from such calendar this way i would not have to be reminded of such unless i went out for the day and then you are bombarded by all the sales and advertisements for fathers day,just another reminder of the past every fathers day which for me i really do not want to deal with nor do i want to celebrate it.

Sorry guys not trying to squash anyone else's F'S DAY just bad memories for me.


Happy F'S day to all those men here that are F'S,hope you at least had a great day after the past.

_________________________
M.A.N. ,
Boy who was trapped in society's nightmare & moving on thru healing & accountability.

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#40006 - 06/16/03 11:44 PM Re: Fathers Day!
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
hi mattandrew,

I too hate my father AND my step-father. Not because I was sexually abused by either, but abuse is abuse is abuse.

However, that is why I chose to determine what my own reality of fatherhood is. I think the guys on this site are a superior example.

They ROCK! Just what I always needed in a father.

I wish you guys had been there when I really needed you. For now I'll simply appreciate what you give me now and celebrate Father's Day for the definition that I claim...

Understanding, acceptance, love, guidance. That is what a 'father' is!


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#40007 - 06/17/03 12:39 AM Re: Fathers Day!
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Matt & Marc:

My father abused me sexually & physically and my stepfather abused me physically. The saving grace of Father's Day for me is in my own great fathering experiences, and the "other fathers" in my life. Hope we can all find the "fathering" we need wherever it may come from--even from within ourselves!

As to all the advertising & stuff yeah I hate the commercialization not only of Father's Day but of all the holidays. Hard enuf to salvage good meaning out of them sometimes without all that crap! But I'm learning to tune it out. Never paid much attention to commercials anyway. If they're funny I may laugh at them, but that doesn't mean I am going to buy what they advertise.

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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