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#399366 - 06/04/12 01:40 PM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
I am using this site just to rant and vent, I haven't found a therapist yet and no one knows what I am dealing with...


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#399689 - 06/07/12 05:52 PM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who posts here...I have just started dealing with my abuse....but I find such similarities with the things I have coped with and what others are dealing with...you guys help me to understand so much about myself and you give me hope.

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#399746 - 06/08/12 03:03 AM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3461
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: Steve0123
I find such similarities with the things I have coped with and what others are dealing with...you guys help me to understand so much about myself and you give me hope.


YEAH!

we all need each other - and you give us hope too!

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#399836 - 06/08/12 08:31 PM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
.

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#399842 - 06/08/12 09:15 PM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3614
Loc: South-East Europe
hey Steve, just take it easy, learning to calm yourself is very important for survivor.
I've found some relaxation exercises as very helpful in such situations. Easing inner pressure is very important skill that we need to learn and practice.
When I came here I've found very simple instructions about breathing techniques that are great for calming. I've been trying to do it at my work, while walking trough city or at every other occasion and sometimes it really quickly brings back some relief and peace.
Here is the link to thread:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8114#Post378114
Other than that I can suggest grounding techniques. Such as naming objects in the room, naming something you can hear, see and feel around you, putting your feet flat on the floor and using ice on your neck.
Here is explanation and some advices at end of page:
http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/present.html
and here is short list of some things that you could to:
http://www.mosaicminds.org/safe-ground-new.shtml#
I hope this would be helpful for you.
_________________________
My story

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#399852 - 06/08/12 11:35 PM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
Thank you peroperic... I am not being honest about my abuse...I can't even be honest to strangers anonymously...I don't know why, I never feel safe....I don't think I should post until I am ready to be more honest.

I think it is sufficient to say I was abused. I think that's as much as I can honestly tell the world right now...I wonder if I'll ever be able to really let it all out....maybe I leaped into all of this too quickly.

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#399859 - 06/09/12 12:48 AM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1350
Hi Steve,

It is common to feel afraid, triggered and very unsettled after saying anything about the abuse you have kept secret for so very long.

If resources permit, I suggest you find a therapist, preferably one who specializes in trauma and/ or sexual abuse.

The Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping gives you a list of questions to ask prospective therapists. Having such a list helps take some of the anxiety out of making contact with a therapist.

If you are in the United States, Psychology Today has listings for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy. Healing from these horrors is not an endeavor to be done without the help of a professional.

Since you are so triggered I suggest you do not read any of the books until you have a therapist. I also suggest that if you read the forums, you do so very slowly, and only a little at a time.

Everything here is done at your pace, and at your comfort level. It is expected that there will discomfort, but if you are having flashbacks, body memories and you find yourself very distressed over what you read here, that is your mind's signal telling you that you are doing too much, too quickly.

If you find the forums too triggering, and many do, you may find the lounge (chat) a better alternative. In the lounge you can get real-time support, or just hang out. Again, everything here is done at your comfort level and at your own pace. Many go into the lounge and do not speak. They just find it comforting to know others are around.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, there is no obligation to participate. Many guys choose to observe the Healing Circles.

Dealing with the abuse is scarey at times. Try to remember that you survived the worst. However uncomfortable the feelings are, they cannot harm you. This is not to say you will not feel very bad at times, and I am not minimizing how bad you may feel as you embark on this endeavor. But you will get through this.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.






Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#399863 - 06/09/12 01:27 AM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3614
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Steve, you don't have to push yourself, there is no need for that. Certainly you don't have to post some personal issues until you feel safe. But please discuss and share with us your thoughts further, you don't have to talk about your story, there are a lot of themes to talk about.
Just for your information there is one additional (small) part of this forum that is visible only to full members, it is not reachable by Google and it feels much safer.
And what Anomalous said, there is moderated chat session healing circle, you can attend there without any discussion of your issues just to see what is all that about and if suites you, I think that is one of best tools for survivors here.
Take your time, discover available resources here and look how to connect to others further.
_________________________
My story

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#399869 - 06/09/12 05:54 AM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Steve,

You have taken the first step towards healing, you have admitted you have a problem and asked for help. Any questions you have, there are many people here that will help you.

It will be a long and bumpy road. It will have many detours but remember that all detours lead back to the main road even though it's usually not as fast as we want.

Good luck with your healing.
_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#400001 - 06/10/12 01:37 PM Re: My Story... [Re: Steve0123]
Steve0123 Offline


Registered: 05/30/12
Posts: 80
I gotta keep fighting, since admitting to myself that something happened everything seems to be a trigger for me...music, TV, a look on a person's face can now upset me...I used to love movies about drug abuse and the mafia and pseudo heavy metal music like Korn/ Rob Zombie would make me feel energized to workout...now I can't stand any of it.


...I think I just need time to work it all out.


Edited by Steve0123 (06/10/12 01:54 PM)

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