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#399570 - 06/06/12 11:14 AM Venting - Medical Issues
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 329

I have to vent a bit. Since many people in my life don’t know about H’s abuse I can’t express myself entirely with them.
10 years ago we bought H's 'dream house'. This was his big dream that he always wanted. It wasn't my big dream because it is in Tiny Crap Town USA where my profession... basically didn't exist. H promised the world if I'd agree to move here, and I did.
It was all a lie. He had zero chance of doing what he said he would. He just wanted to move here to be close to his parents so he'd feel safe. I didn't know. It's kind of a cruel joke really - to be close to his parents to feel safe....he lived WITH his parents when he was abused. He wasn't 'safe'. Faced with difficulty his clan's reaction is like a herd of cartoon ostrich - bury your head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening. I was in a twisted cat & mouse game I wasn’t aware of.
Work has always been sparse for me here and usually it required long commutes. I did what I could for many years and after H's suicide attempt a couple years ago I decided to take a different path. I decided I'd work on my RN degree part time and work on his business. I honestly thought, and this kicks me in the @ss right now, that I could turn this sh*t hole situation around and find some silver lining. I thought: If I finish the Nursing degree I could find a place where I could work with abused kids/adults. I could help them physically – enrich them emotionally – I’ve seen the effects of this abuse on men and women so I should be an asset….right? It sounded like a plan to me.
Ah – but ignorance really is bliss.
Well over a year ago I started having serious sciatic pain. I was treated for it with meds and subsequently I try to do things in a way that won’t flare it up. Meanwhile, I’ve got his business rolling along and it’s looking like a banner year this year. I get and A in Chemistry last semester and I have 3 classes left to finish my RN (plus Clinical, which I am at the top of the list for acceptance into) Best year yet! Sounds great right?
So the sciatic pain keeps coming and I start having this protrusion from my abdomen as well as some other physical complaints. I go to the ER (since I went back to school I don’t have medical insurance) to find out I have a huge ‘mass’ in my abdomen. Grapefruit sized ‘mass’ – should be a fibroid, could be cancer. I don’t know yet. Regardless of the cancer status – it has to come out per the ER Dr. and Gyn Dr. I followed up with. The fun part here is that I need a surgeon with specific skills and the one I was referred to charges $500 for AN OFFICE VISIT. Just to show up is $500.00. Ok – well what does this stuff cost if you are ‘self-pay’, as they say. ??? No one in our find health care system seems to know what anything actually costs. Is a big incision hysterectomy 15k or 50k? No one knows. If I had a ‘code’ they could tell me a ballpark figure. I don’t have a ‘code’ yet.
I feel so angry and deceived. I went to college, in part, to avoid exactly this situation. I could have dropped out of high school and had this situation. I bettered myself in an attempt to make a better life for myself and my kids and now, because I believed in a man who was lying to me, I end up on the sh*ttiest end of any stick I ever knew about. I feel stupid and naive for thinking I could find a silver lining and make some good come out of this. I feel abandoned by H and his parents because they are all doing the ostrich routine and I have to: be the strong one for our kids, try to find a hospital with ‘charity care’, and hope I don’t have anything terminal.
I hope it will all work out for the best and this will just be an annoying blip on the radar. I don’t like being mad at him. He didn’t mean this. He didn’t do this on purpose. I know that.
I am really kicking myself for not being more selfish though. If I had never looked to try to turn this into a positive I wouldn’t be in this situation. If I had said (10 years ago) f*ck him and his dreams I wouldn’t be in this situation. I would probably still have had the ‘mass’ but the lack of medical care would have been different.
I don’t know…..maybe if I was more selfish I would have been working along and gotten killed in a car accident commuting to work. I guess I don’t know. Thanks for listening………

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#399573 - 06/06/12 11:37 AM Re: Venting - Medical Issues [Re: sugarbaby]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 678
Loc: NJ
Oh girl bring it - we will listen.

I have so many medical problems at this point caused by either the STDs my husband kindly gave to me - or the stress of my living situation during the last year....

You have my sympathy wink

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#399579 - 06/06/12 12:32 PM Re: Venting - Medical Issues [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 329
Thanks!

I am so annoyed on so many different levels that it felt good to dump it somewhere.

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#399610 - 06/06/12 05:11 PM Re: Venting - Medical Issues [Re: sugarbaby]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
Dump away. It is what it is now but it doesn't have to be that way in the future and that knowledge empowers me (now). I know exactly what you mean about navigating wo insurance or w crappy insurance. Just know you can negotiate before and after for payments. I could never get straight answers either. Let the doctors (especially that specialist) know your financial situation too. Many times they take on patients for less and they also can give you sample medicine that is expensive to buy. I too moved to a city I didn't want to live in to be close to his folks. It was a bad decision w many repercussions. I wasted time kicking myself for not standing firmer (I did say no repeatedly before caving). Never. Again.
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#405983 - 08/06/12 09:44 AM Re: Venting - Medical Issues [Re: sugarbaby]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 329
I feel better about it all now. Surgery was 4 weeks ago and I'm healing nicely. H has been wonderful and this has been taxing on him.

I'm getting clobbered by medical bills but .....ok, so I'm not perfect, my credit will be shot, but I'm alive and ready to live another day.

Life marches on.....

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#406060 - 08/07/12 12:16 AM Re: Venting - Medical Issues [Re: sugarbaby]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
Originally Posted By: sugarbaby
I feel better about it all now. Surgery was 4 weeks ago and I'm healing nicely. H has been wonderful and this has been taxing on him.

I'm getting clobbered by medical bills but .....ok, so I'm not perfect, my credit will be shot, but I'm alive and ready to live another day.

Life marches on.....



So glad you are healing...
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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