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#399474 - 06/05/12 11:58 AM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Phoenix, are you on Facebook?
_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#399477 - 06/05/12 12:17 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
Hmmmmm...you matter on the Internet because you are wide open here. You don't have to pretend, you could, but you don't have to. You don't expect us to expect you to be perfect (you wouldn't be here if you were perfect). We get to see some very special snippets of you that probably you don't get to show many people. If (and it is NOT lost on me how big an "if" this is) you found someone you could be safe enough to be this transparent with, I think you could experience in person the affection I feel for you right now. The appreciation I feel for how you eloquently put into words something I desperately needed to understand . These are emotional transactions on an artificial platform but they do translate in the real world too. I know the God stuff turns u off but I'd be remiss if I didn't tell you that for me, that is why God works. He knows all the bad stuff about me and still finds me worthy enough to be amongst the living. I read my bible and the people he used the most were the most broken, depraved, homicidal , horny lot you could assemble. I don't know what your "peace" will be but don't stop searching. Don't give up. Don't think that because you can't see or hear us that you are invisible or unimportant. There are myriad ways to make a difference and this is one of them.
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#399484 - 06/05/12 01:01 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 357
It is the 'wide open' part that lets people in to care about you. Pick the right people, be open and LET people know you and like you.

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#399489 - 06/05/12 01:10 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 357
Phoenix, when we thank you and compliment you, y the hell does it bring you to this place, to this statement......

I'm so lonely. Gotta get away from this for awhile. It hurts when you get to the point you never really mattered except to an Internet bulletin board.

Please see your value.........u are so much more than a person who only matters on an internet bulletin board Your openness is unique and helps us wives. Be open with others, too, and you will find that you matter to people much more than u think.

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#399495 - 06/05/12 02:11 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
deleted


Edited by phoenix321 (07/16/12 11:48 AM)
Edit Reason: deleted
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#399497 - 06/05/12 02:28 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Phoenix,
I am little late getting here for my thank you's but without a doubt you have described my husband to some degree. Your ability to articulate something that our husbands cannot brings tears to my eyes.

It's easier said than done but I agree with the ladies, don't close yourself off. You are way more than you think, look at what you did to this group of women and their was no sex involved?

We want nothing but to better understand you and other survivors so maybe, just maybe we can understand our husbands better.

Gretta


Edited by Gretta (06/05/12 02:29 PM)

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#399521 - 06/05/12 09:41 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
deleted


Edited by phoenix321 (07/16/12 11:48 AM)
Edit Reason: deleted
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#399532 - 06/05/12 11:15 PM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
I wish I had answers...I wish I could help you...I wish I could violently kick the people who hurt you (age 4 on up). I know the kind of person I am off line and even if my husband hadn't been abused, I wouldn't use your history against you. Not for personal gain. Bot for kicks. Not because i could. I'm not rare (as much as I'd love to believe that) but I'm not common either. I don't know how you'll find like minded people. I don't know how to spot the people who aren't trust worthy. I just know that not everyone is on earth to just take from you without investing back in you. Easy for me to say here anonymously from my couch but it's what I know to be true with every fiber of my being.
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#399540 - 06/06/12 12:40 AM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
colours Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 23
Loc: Australia
Phoenix, im no expert i dont have answers either i wish i did, my question is even if i was able to give you those answers that help, would you be able to accept them? Accept that i am giving them to you with no real purpose, no alterior motive, other than to provide you with answers, not wanting anything in return?

I often think my partner sees an alterior motive in everything i do and say. Like he cannot accept that i would want to just be with him, care for or about him. Honestly, I do want something in return, i want him to be happy, i want him to let me love him without being skeptical that there is an alterior motive as to the reason why i want to love him, it feels like he wants to love me, wants to beleive i love him but there is just something telling him he cant, or i wont, some sort of barrier that i cant see.

I feel like there is a sound proof glass wall between us with a door in it that only opens from his side, he is saying "love me" and i am screaming "just open the door and let me", but he either cant hear me, doesnt trust me enough to open the door or hasnt worked out how to open it. (there are possibly other reasons that he cant or wont open the door i just havent thought or dont know of them as yet)

Phoenix, you are not my partner, but are you on the other side of the glass door? If you are on the other side, would you want me to break the glass? Would you trust me enough to open the door? Would you know how to open the door? Would you want me to write you instructions on how to open the glass door? What could i do to help you? Would you want me to walk away from the glass and leave you there? It sounds like thats what your used to (I could be wrong an assumption only with no malicious intent)and if it is what your used to, isnt what we are used to comfortable?? Its what we know, what we are used to, it is what we are comfortable with NOT necessarily what we WANT.

From your point of view how could i earn that trust, how could i give you instructions to open it, how could i make you hear me?

I hope this isnt too hard to understand, in the picture ive painted here. Im so frustrated at being on the other side of the glass and feeling like there is not a darn thing i can do about it but be patient.

Phoenix, i dont know if any of what i have said helps you, i can only share how i feel at this point in time, i am grateful for your sharing your thoughts and insight, your help to my situation. I dont want to TAKE anything from you but I am happy that you have GIVEN.

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#399544 - 06/06/12 01:50 AM Re: questions regarding acting out [Re: lucylives]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
If I posted it, take it. Colors, I sent a PM.

deleted


Edited by phoenix321 (07/16/12 11:49 AM)
Edit Reason: deleted
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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