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#399202 - 06/02/12 12:34 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
pufferfish Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6709
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Daniel_forgotten
i canpt believe this hasn't been banned and i'm glad.
attempts is something most of us are afraid of talking about but there are some reflexions about it that i believe are important.

I don't know about you guys, but i felt a weird "state of peace" like i never felt before after a couple of times I tried to do it. Like everything was ok and like all my parts (I dissociate) were working as a team at least that night. It was like the calm that comes after the shock. Has anyone else felt like this?

I know my first try was at 10, but I can't remember any details, only that my dad (who was also one of the perps) prevented it (because despite everything, i think he loves me) and i spent some time at hospital (where doctors knew about me and him, but didn't tell).

I tried twice as a teenager just because I couldn't stand my situation in foster homes and the double life I was leading when they went to bed... and I missed my crazy sick home.

2009 was a bad year. I tried 3 times i think. I dont know.. I was trying to die all the time actually... put myself in a lot of risky situations. The time I almost did it I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.

I would like to know how you feel about s.... for me, it's like the norm more than being in shock.. I am relieved now that I promised myself I don't have to *force* myself to be alive... if , at some point, I decide it's too bad for me, I could just.. well you know. Not sure I can say more in these boards.


In my reply following, I'm not talking about the s... stuff. I'm talking about the fact that you all worked together and that you remember it now in a time sequence.

This is tremendous!! I didn't realize it when I first read it, but your reply to this thread shows more than anything else I've heard you say that you are getting over "it". This statement shows tremendous self insight as to what's going on inside of you. It means that you are much closer to healing than I had before realized.

Quote:

I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.


At some level you see the WHOLE PLAN of yourself. You know what they dynamics are. At some level you have GOT IT.

WOW! Thank you.

Allen




Edited by pufferfish (06/02/12 11:39 PM)

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#399225 - 06/02/12 10:33 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
lapchinj Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1125
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#463148 - 03/25/14 02:51 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 245
oh yea it is possible. been there, tried to hang myself when i was 12 - the rope broke and i never told anyone. later in my thirties twice i accidentally overdosed on prescriptions drugs.
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#463877 - 04/08/14 09:38 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline


Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 34
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
I was 9 the first time I tried to kill myself. I jumped off a train bridge. Result I broke my ankle when I hit the water, If I stayed on the bridge another 2 minutes I would have been hit by an ore train.

At 11 I free climbed the face of lovers leap at Starved Rock State Park. I had climbed out under a ledge so that I would miss the trees. I was just about to let go, to fall the several hundred feet into the Rock River, when hands came over the side of the ledge and grabbed me. For the record, I was not visible under that ledge, and I was not calling for help. To this day I do not know how they knew I was there.

At 16 I rode my bike down a trail with the intent of hitting the rocks at the bottom of the cliff, instead I clipped a log on the trail and wiped out. All I got was a concussion, and short term memory loss.

Was I really trying, I think so. Still, Both my mother's family and even my ball busting step-monster were catholic. I didn't want my family stained by a suicide. But an accident that would be tragically acceptable. After each of the three attempts I had the same emotional result feelings of; shame, guilt, and abject failure. Oh, and my family dismissed me as a clutz.

I have to look back at my young adult years, I was a HUGE adrenaline junky / risk taker. Was I suicidal or just proving I was still alive, I do not know.


I am so grateful I survived. I have had too much in my life taken from me, without adding to the balance sheet.
_________________________
Izzy

After 40 years of just living with it, I am "ready to thrive"
"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis

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#463911 - 04/09/14 07:22 PM Re: . [Re: onlyakid]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 245
i was thirteen when i seriously contemplated it. Accidentally overdosed in my
forties.

I played Russian roulette in my teens.
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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