i canpt believe this hasn't been banned and i'm glad.
attempts is something most of us are afraid of talking about but there are some reflexions about it that i believe are important.
I don't know about you guys, but i felt a weird "state of peace" like i never felt before after a couple of times I tried to do it. Like everything was ok and like all my parts (I dissociate) were working as a team at least that night. It was like the calm that comes after the shock. Has anyone else felt like this?
I know my first try was at 10, but I can't remember any details, only that my dad (who was also one of the perps) prevented it (because despite everything, i think he loves me) and i spent some time at hospital (where doctors knew about me and him, but didn't tell).
I tried twice as a teenager just because I couldn't stand my situation in foster homes and the double life I was leading when they went to bed... and I missed my crazy sick home.
2009 was a bad year. I tried 3 times i think. I dont know.. I was trying to die all the time actually... put myself in a lot of risky situations. The time I almost did it I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.
I would like to know how you feel about s.... for me, it's like the norm more than being in shock.. I am relieved now that I promised myself I don't have to *force* myself to be alive... if , at some point, I decide it's too bad for me, I could just.. well you know. Not sure I can say more in these boards.
In my reply following, I'm not talking about the s... stuff. I'm talking about the fact that you all worked together and that you remember it now in a time sequence.
This is tremendous!! I didn't realize it when I first read it, but your reply to this thread shows more than anything else I've heard you say that you are getting over "it". This statement shows tremendous self insight as to what's going on inside of you. It means that you are much closer to healing than I had before realized.
I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.
At some level you see the WHOLE PLAN of yourself. You know what they dynamics are. At some level you have GOT IT.
WOW! Thank you.