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#39900 - 06/14/03 02:31 AM memories of rainy nights
tone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 41
Loc: Canada
right or wrong , there is nothing like that edge you get after a few glasses of Wild Turkey while sitting at a window looking at the rain. Especially at night.
Memories come streaming in like a fog of days when rage arrogance and anger are the things that keep you on your feeet. "teen angst" i don't know what that is, angst is been with me ever since i could crawl.
Memories of walking the streets at night where the lights are reflected on the wet pavement of the city. The only future you have is the next step in front of you. You laugh at the lurking men driving by in their family car, wanting a peice of your ass. I use to think that if they had me they would leave their own kids alone.
It was all about control. What a joke!!!
As soon as you start pleasing them, you go right back to being the kid showing off to get attention from is dad. Then the guilt and self loathing kick in.
You then get out of the car , light up a joint and numb yourself into "control" again.

_________________________
Exchange On a visit to England by Ghandi
Reporter:"what do you think of Western Civilisation,Mr.Ghandi?"
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.

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#39901 - 06/14/03 05:24 AM Re: memories of rainy nights
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Hard to answer this, reality bites. Looking you in the face while avoiding eye contact with it.
When talking about some of these things, I can't look friends or even my therapist in the face. The shame is there and the hurt too, I would rather ignore it.

Reality is that even after all these years the kid in me wants his dad back. I only had him around 12 years and don't remember the first 3 too much, so that is really 9 years. Subract all the time he was away, and that is even less.

I haven't had children yet, there is always hope.
It will very cool to be in a delivery room someday, even though I will be worry that everything goes well. I sure as hell wouldn't want to deliver a baby, glad I am a man.

Later Dudes

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#39902 - 06/14/03 11:11 AM Re: memories of rainy nights
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
What can I add. Yeh rainy nights, hot foulbodies using you in a cramped space that is all steamy, feeling the oblivion of Heroin and dreading the next cramped space and sweating body. And having to push for payment. Makes my skin crawl as I remember it.

But I have to tell you know that I have purged it. I love to walk in the rain without protection. I feel it is cleansing and in the evening I dont appear to be crazy getting wet. I love to mountainbike in the rain. Crashing through the bush and soaked to the skin. Not a might tho; to damned dangerous. What is a shadow and what is a rock smile

Give it a try in a safe setting with someone you trust.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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