Loulou... go with your gut. your instincts don't lie. trust them and always trust yourself. That my dear is the divine talking to you for your protection and his healing. I bet my last dollar he is a victim of CSA, (you don't get to become a survivor until you do something!)

Don't let him off the hook. Think of if this way, if you are correct and he was abused. Then pressuring him can only help. Establish some boundaries, get him to agree to go to therapy. Find a therapist that know EMDR. IT WORKS.! MY H IS LIVING PROOF.
Please don't delay, the longer you wait, the longer you both wait for a better life. Just remember... buckle up. YOU R IN 4 A NASTY BUMPY RIDE!!!!!

It's funny that you should mention EMDR because my husband's psychiatrist has referred him to a psychotherapist who specialises in EMDR!
We'll see how that goes.
In the meantime, i just wish my husband would be willing to do some reading. He bought a few books that were recommended on this site actually, but sadly hasn't even opened any of them. I don't want to keep saying "Maybe you could do some reading". He just doesn't seem interested.

Thanks again folks.

LouLou I've seen "motivational interviewing" suggested as a method of supporting survivors in taking a step forward when the step seems overwhelming or fear-inducing. I think I read about it on 1in6.

eyesforward,
I have had a look at that, thanks for the recommendation.

There are still so many issues with our relationship that i haven't mentioned on here. I guess i'm wanting to vent....

His mother and sister have NEVER accepted me, never taken the time to get to know me even. Over nearly 10 years, they have both tried to find fault with anything. Examples;
I wear make up for a party (yeah, really!) I have veiny hands, I must be so insecure because i was unhappy about my husband spending so much time viewing porn, and that he should leave me, slanderous attacks at my beloved family, when they met them once at our wedding, the list goes on.
My husband's aunt accidentally nearly caused a fire on board a domestic UK flight, luckily the smouldering really took hold in the taxi on leaving the airport of disembarkation! (Acetone put in an unrinsed container of something else.) My mother in law and sister in law thought that this was so funny and perhaps they too should "take nail varnish remover on board some planes and start some fires". Why did she say this? Because I had said prior that this wasn't funny. (I used to be Cabin Crew and took my responsibility very seriously). A mad statement for sure.
This sounds all so childish to you reading this now, but it's been an enduring big deal to me. My fault was that I never defended myself. But my husband's fault, is that he never stuck up for me either, even on hearing cruel, inaccurate remarks.
My husband finds it impossible to speak up when it matters, yet instead will often sympathise with the people making the cruel remarks. He will NEVER go against his mother or sister even when it is absolutely the appropriate thing to do.
Now i am a quiet, polite, demure, decent girl, not perfect, but i have not done anything to warrant this kind of treatment by in laws and at times, so called friends. I guess that much of my husband's inability to stand up is tied in with his sexuality.
It's so hard to try and support someone who has so many issues which impact negatively on our relationship. God, i have tried. I just don't really know what to do next, other than read and educate myself...

Thanks for reading.

LouLou-

Just checking in on you! How is everything going?

herowannabe

Thanks herowannabe!

I'm fine, just taking good care of myself at the moment. My husband has his first session of EMDR around the 20th, so we'll see how it goes.

Excellent!

I hope the EMDR will be productive! Please keep us posted!

Just know Lou Lou i thought you were almost speaking directly to me over coffee at my kitchen table here. Heres hoping there is light for us and our partners in the end. It helps to know I am not the only one coping with these worries of what if's and maybes, thanks for being brave enough to share it helped me.

Excuse my lack of knowledge what is EMDR - what does it stand for? what kind of therapy is it?

Hi Colours,
EMDR is abbreviation from Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, it is treatment for some traumatic disorders:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessig