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#398479 - 05/27/12 03:17 AM Re: Sex and Fantasies "Trigger Warning" [Re: lynnemarie]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
deleted


Edited by phoenix321 (07/16/12 10:51 PM)
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#398494 - 05/27/12 11:25 AM Re: Sex and Fantasies "Trigger Warning" [Re: lynnemarie]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
Hi LynnMarie:

Mike Lew's book discusses the compartmentalizing CSA survivors do.

Basically, he has one story he tells one group of people, another story he tells another, and he keeps them separate. Easier to keep everything straight that way.

Also, my friend has multiple personalities, so his mask mood hates me and doesn't want to be around me. I'm in good company though, because that mood also hates his own mood that I talk with...

Also, his mask mood is afraid his mask will slip when I'm around, and he'll be revealed to all as having a girlish mood. That thought MORTIFIES him! He's worked so hard to be seen as this masculine, successful, go-getter!

Anyway, these guys are complicated, no doubt.

Later,
D.
_________________________
Female.

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#398502 - 05/27/12 02:59 PM Re: Sex and Fantasies "Trigger Warning" [Re: lynnemarie]
Julia Offline


Registered: 11/05/08
Posts: 59
***** TRIGGER WARNING *****

Lynnemarie,

I think Phoenix has a good point, there is nothing abnormal with fantasies... we all have them. And between two consenting adults who have trust between them, partaking in the fantasy can be fun. I whole heartily agree. I have to admit that a tug of my hair, a slap on the ass and even a "bitch" can turn me on now and then. I for one would have had no problem throwing a white robe on and gluing two plates on either sides of my head in a Princess Leia fantasy. The part that I would have a problem with is where he'd want me to tie a lightsaber to my waist and rape him with it. That is the kind of place my boyfriend's fantasies were going. And since he was repeatedly raped by his uncle when he was a little boy, I refused to do that. When I refused he took his show on the road and found someone who would.

And I mean this with sincerity.... Phoenix when you wrote that fantasies shouldn't be fought but to analyze the why... you made sense to me. We write here at MS, trying to be of some help and most times you don't know if what you have to offer means anything to anyone. You phrasing it the way you did, it helped me. Thank you.

If your having sex with a survivor who isn't in therapy or seeking help, fantasies can be extremely tricky. And if your with a survivor and you haven't any commitment, he isn't seeking help and you are leaving yourself vulnerable to him sexually.... most times this will end up in emotional disaster. Especially if I am right in understanding your situation (Lynnemarie).

Love,
Julia

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#398575 - 05/28/12 04:12 AM Re: Sex and Fantasies "Trigger Warning" [Re: Julia]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
deleted


Edited by phoenix321 (07/16/12 10:51 PM)
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

Top
#398754 - 05/30/12 01:01 AM Re: Sex and Fantasies "Trigger Warning" [Re: lynnemarie]
Yellowbird Offline


Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 27
Thank you all for the input on this subject. There is every reason as a supporter to get angry and resentful. When you reach the resent I believe is when you need to reach for your forgiveness. I am finding as a survivor and now a supporter that a person does need help in differentiating and not to confuse the two. I have found a peace in all that has been written by everyone here. I let my fiancť after his assault have one of his fantasies and I did enjoy it with him until he answered a text during our encounter. I at that time almost threw every toy at him and got dressed and walked out, but I didnít, I realized that it was just sex that we were having. And that is all it was to him. And I cannot judge or blame him for what he is feeling right now. I can for me, so as not to compromise myself, is to lay down my own rules, as I did when we were dating years ago. I gave him a 3 month rule when weíre dating in which he did not know about (OK, well, I fell 2 weeks short of the rule ;)). He did let me know that he is going to see counseling. I have not spoken to him as of yet of my boundaries and my will to abstain with commitment to him. I want to be a part of his sexual life but I canít if itís just sex. He has said he feels nothing and canít commit right now. And through all the reading I have done I understand. And I understand about me too. My hope and faith is not to lose this man. The man that I am still in love with, regardless of what has happened. And my hope and faith is to let go and let God.
_________________________
Without faith nothing is possible, with it everything is possible. You just have to believe.

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