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#398764 - 05/30/12 03:30 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 59
Loc: nowheresville
Wow Jeff, your suicidal plans are definitely the most sophisticated I ever heard of. I don´t agree it´s a shame we tried. It´s a shame we were put into position we would even think about suicide at that age. I´d probably try again if I don´t have some people in this world that would get hurt by my actions.
_________________________
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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#398771 - 05/30/12 04:05 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3461
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Alex - yeh, i had a dad in heaven that i wished i was with - and a step-dad on earth that i wished was in the other place. I was pretty mixed up between "Our Father who art in heaven" and my father who was in heaven - both of em far out of reach... trouble was i was afraid if i tried to get to heaven by my own effort, i'd wind up in the other place - and home was already enough like that so that i didn't want any more of it...

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#398782 - 05/30/12 05:59 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 104
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
I forgot to mention that I also tried to suffocate myself with a plastics bag from the grocery store a couple of times before the thinking about using that bridge. So much air was still able to get into those grocery store bags that they was totally useless as suicide attempts so I never really thought of them as such afterward.

About the same time I was thinking about packing it in on that bridge (probably contributing to thinking about ending it all back then), there was a school field trip and the whole class had to travel on the subway between school and the trip destination and a bunch of the bullies tried to push me off the platform in front of the train when it arrived. I dug my heels into the platform and pushed back as hard as I could while thoughts flashed through my mind and for a split second I thought if I couldn't stop them from pushing me in front of a subway train that I could stop pushing back and jump forward to get it over with as painlessly as possible if it was going to happen anyways but one of the teachers supervising the trip grabbed my shirt and pulled me back and the next thing I remember was the train going by and it was over before I knew it.

I don't know if that'd count as a suicide attempt because I did everything I could to stop from being pushed into that train but I clearly remember thinking that I was going to jump for it I began to fall off the edge of the platform to make it as painless as possible. I guess that was more like a value calculation on dieing as painlessly as possible in a situation where it looked like death was going to be a certainty that couldn't be avoided rather than a suicide attempt. I still really don't know what to make of it.
_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

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#398923 - 05/30/12 11:22 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1230
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#399010 - 05/31/12 01:58 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 59
Loc: nowheresville
Lee - you can´t imagine how much I can relate to that. He always said that mum can see everything bad I´ve done and she never let me be with her. Not that he knew I´ve tried to find out how to get there, he only wanted to hurt me but I believed in what he said so I gave up on that. Funny how few words mess up this little head.

Alex
_________________________
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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#399014 - 05/31/12 02:22 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2503
Loc: Denver, CO
my contract with my T expires today .... I don't see him again until the 12th so I made an oral agreement to just keep the contract in place. I find it hard to believe sometimes that at 57 I still consider "quitting".
sheesh
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#399057 - 05/31/12 10:46 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1230
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 05:19 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#399081 - 06/01/12 02:17 AM * [Re: MarkK]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:46 PM)

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#399085 - 06/01/12 02:48 AM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i canpt believe this hasn't been banned and i'm glad.
attempts is something most of us are afraid of talking about but there are some reflexions about it that i believe are important.

I don't know about you guys, but i felt a weird "state of peace" like i never felt before after a couple of times I tried to do it. Like everything was ok and like all my parts (I dissociate) were working as a team at least that night. It was like the calm that comes after the shock. Has anyone else felt like this?

I know my first try was at 10, but I can't remember any details, only that my dad (who was also one of the perps) prevented it (because despite everything, i think he loves me) and i spent some time at hospital (where doctors knew about me and him, but didn't tell).

I tried twice as a teenager just because I couldn't stand my situation in foster homes and the double life I was leading when they went to bed... and I missed my crazy sick home.

2009 was a bad year. I tried 3 times i think. I dont know.. I was trying to die all the time actually... put myself in a lot of risky situations. The time I almost did it I found my parts working together and conforting each other after we got out of hospital. We (I) started my diary then.

I would like to know how you feel about s.... for me, it's like the norm more than being in shock.. I am relieved now that I promised myself I don't have to *force* myself to be alive... if , at some point, I decide it's too bad for me, I could just.. well you know. Not sure I can say more in these boards.

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#399140 - 06/01/12 02:55 PM Re: Suicide attempts: how young? [Re: onlyakid]
alex05 Offline


Registered: 05/29/12
Posts: 59
Loc: nowheresville
Daniel - yeh,it felt good, though I think in my case it felt good because I was drunk and probably drugged from the painkillers. About the risky situations I´ve tried that too, wanted to make my father kill me but he would lost money if he killed me so here I am still alive and I´m glad you didn´t succeed in your plans too. Not sure if I would do that now. I´m thinking about it sometimes but that´s all I guess. Life sucks I know...As to the docs I have kinda similar experience with cops, I mean shouldn´t they be those who help and protect?! The world is a crazy place...

Hang on there
Alex
_________________________
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end. I hate what I´ve become, the nightmare´s just begun...-Skillet-

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