Newest Members
DougieB, sethpeterson, R Ellis, SailingAway, Kitty6
12320 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Healer (53), Kilo (21), sdsjr (40), surfdude (57)
Who's Online
4 registered (YYZGIRL, NeverGiveUp23, 2 invisible), 22 Guests and 8 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12320 Members
74 Forums
63375 Topics
443147 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2
Topic Options
#398929 - 05/31/12 12:04 AM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
_________________________
Female.

Top
#399011 - 05/31/12 02:09 PM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
Thomas1701 Offline


Registered: 02/01/09
Posts: 14
Thanks for all your responses.
Im doing what I can, seeing a T, reading lots of stuff here and Im buying books and really trying hard. But you know sometimes the feeling that Im just not good enough comes back to me.
I told her,wrote down things I couldnt tell. It wasnt easy but now Im glad she knows. She decided to stay with me and I feel like I can breath again.

Thomas

Top
#399016 - 05/31/12 02:39 PM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Yes Yes Yes, It wouldn't have changed my mind about marrying him. I was head over heels and honestly didn't have a clue the ramifications. I am very bummed my husband held it in as long as he did. I am so proud of him for all his hard work to get better and over come the damage that was inflicted on his a child.

You deserve someone who knows you and loves you. Good Luck.

Top
#399038 - 05/31/12 05:49 PM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Thomas, there are some women who would flee, but the vast majority of us (in my opinion-I've done nor seen a survey) would not let that keep us from moving forward. We aren't wired that way. I'm excited for you that she responded favorably and I'm jealous that your relationship is getting a start I would sever my left arm for. Best wishes!
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

Top
#399040 - 05/31/12 05:55 PM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Good for you, Thomas! I'm glad you feel lighter now!

Please, dear soul, when you start to feel that you're not "good enough", tell her. Tell her that feeling you have. Allow her to see that hurt and vulnerability. By allowing her to see that in you, you give her the gift of the real you. In return, you give her the opportunity to show you the real her: compassionate, comforting, soothing, reassuring and encouraging.

What a gift that would have been for me had my husband trusted me enough to do the same. That honesty and trust would have provided our marriage with the lifeblood it takes most couples decades to achieve. God...the pain we, and so many others, could have been spared...

Keep on your good path, Thomas! Your beloved is one lucky lady!

herowannabe
_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


Top
#399051 - 05/31/12 10:25 PM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
Thomas,
I (this is my personality and commitment to my husband). When we were dating and then engaged. Dynamite could not have separated me from him. If he told me when we were dating OR when we got engaged. It would have saved a world of hurt for him and me. He didn't "deal" with this the way he thought he had and it nearly killed us. Now if he was (when we were dating) in therapy, or even on this web site and then told me. I would do the same thing... Stay and help him fight.
When you love someone and are truly committed. You stay, you stand by their side AND YOU FIGHT FOR THEM. period.
If you meet a women that doesn't do that for you. SHE'S NOT THE WOMAN FOR YOU.
Fast forward 22 years.. He tells me AFTER he told me all the horrible things he has done since the day I met him. Every betrayal, every hurtful horrible thing. I mean I have no words to tell you what he has told me. And AFTER! I heard all these things. I asked him. "did someone hurt you when you were a child? WERE YOU ABUSED??!!!" Reluctantly, his story spilled out. I loved him more in that moment. Courage baby! I loved the courageous man that was willing to tell me the darkest thing following his soul.
So trust her. (if that is your intention).. And tell her. Do Not Marry Her and then tell her. This is for your sake as well as hers.
If she loves you, she will support you.
So, after all that, I'm glad he told me and I wouldn't have it any other way. He's FREE!!
_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

Top
#399053 - 05/31/12 10:26 PM Re: Do you want to know if you have the choice? [Re: Thomas1701]
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
Oh this is another big one! Don't hide your feelings. I know this is a hard one for you guys. BUT PLEASE, LET HER SEE WHAT THIS HAS DONE TO YOU!
_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

Top
Page 2 of 2 < 1 2


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.