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#39844 - 06/13/03 09:26 PM OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Well just a few minent's ago I was in a differnt chat room for survivor's, men and women. Well they were in the middle of something so I just sat and read. Then it happened. One of the women there said "Most boy's that are abused grow up to be abusive.". I couldnt believe what I was reading, he I was in a room that is soppose to be for support and they were talking like that. I told them that was a myth, and they all said NO!!! So I asked them to define "most" they said 50/50. Can you believe that 50/50. So I told them that this topic was pissing me off and if they really want to konw the facts about men that have been abused as children they should come here and I gave them the link and then just left the room with out giving a chance for anyone to respond to me. I am still in shock, Well thanks for letting me ramble.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#39845 - 06/13/03 09:38 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
Marc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/25/03
Posts: 256
Loc: Tucson, AZ
James...

WTG!!!!!!!!!!

I was in a site recently that has a similar format. The discussion regarded what are called MB's or 'Money Boys' (Prostitutes).

A similar situation occurred.

It disgusts me that people who want the 'benefit of the doubt' given to them and then defend their own uneducated position on these topics.

You did right man. Don't let ANYONE. tell you differently!

BIG CLAPS to James!


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#39846 - 06/14/03 05:36 AM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
it is a very small percentage who do they just do a lot of damage.

I would have told her she doesnt know what she is talking about and before spreaking falsehoods like that read up on it-----------here are some dam authors. Women think they know it all some times and they hwav no idea what we as survivor go through. They also do not give us cedit what what we have done or where we came from.

The dam wold is not aware how bad the abuse is.
It is everywhere, and boys don't open there mouths as easy as girls. We get abused too, and we have feelings too. We can't let people think that that statement is true.

Love everyone one that shows up here you are my brother. You can all send Private Messages and flood my PM up. Or just add to this topic James started.

Have a great weekend guys, I plan on it.

mj soon to be 41, send money

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#39847 - 06/14/03 04:02 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Well -- fock 'em for being ignorant fools...

That said, I've found the problem going to mixed gender chat rooms or discussion boards is that most females have been abused by males - ergo and therefore, all males are abusive, etc. yada, yada... Then toss in the mother instinct toward protecting children from abuse where unfortunately the stats say males do most (not all) of the sexual abuse, some of their attitude is understandable in a way. This doesn't address and what the women seem to forget is that many other forms of abuse: neglect, emotional, physical happen by women.

It's a subtle form of abuse men in this society are given by women (no, this isn't the misogyny thread I hope). Pay back for centuries of oppression? We are all suspect until proven otherwise?

A touchy subject for me, can you tell I was 'raised' post-divorce in a house with two female women-libbers?

When I hear women or men making generalizations about a group of people I try to make them question what they are saying, can they really validate that all do whatever they claim.

My female friends, most of whom are divorced at this point, will engage in male bashing in my presence... I've walked away, and I've asked them to stop which they will.

The biggest battle for me is fighting all the myths and lies I carry within. I make negative generalizations about myself all the time that just aren't true, they are in fact tapes from my past.

jer

True or False:

Males are more emotionally reactive and sensitive then females?


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#39848 - 06/14/03 05:23 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
The Dean Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/15/02
Posts: 2080
Loc: Milwaukee, WI
I'm not sure jer, but I am happy you are learning to erase the tapes.

Has anyone seen any stats on how many male survivors of CSA were perped by a female? That might be a good stat to have handy. We do not want a fight with people who hurt as we do, but ignorance is a very harmful thing.

Bob

_________________________
If we do not live what we believe, then we will begin to believe what we live.

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#39849 - 06/14/03 05:57 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
James
good for you friend ! say it like it is, the TRUTH never hurt anyone.

But it does piss them off if it doesn't fit in with their ideas, like I care ??????????

the people who stick to their misguided ideas are people I don't want to be around, but I would do exactly the same as you James, tell them the truth - and hope it sinks in.

Jer

Quote:
That said, I've found the problem going to mixed gender chat rooms or discussion boards is that most females have been abused by males - ergo and therefore, all males are abusive, etc. yada, yada... Then toss in the mother instinct toward protecting children from abuse where unfortunately the stats say males do most (not all) of the sexual abuse, some of their attitude is understandable in a way.
You're right here, I've experienced exactly the same thing on mixed sites, and the women expect ( rightly ) that we show them respect for their hurt.
But when they become "righteous" about it and start demanding our balls on a plate I think they have a lot to learn.

Perhaps it's time to go on the offensive and spread the word about Male Survivors ?

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#39850 - 06/14/03 06:16 PM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
James you did exactly the right thing. They just dont get it.

Marc also was in a sight
Quote:
I was in a site recently that has a similar format. The discussion regarded what are called MB's or 'Money Boys' (Prostitutes).
I was one of those boys and let me tell you it was pure hell. I knew it then and I know it now. We did not choose to be there but we had sunk so low into the PIT of DOOM that nothing could cause us to seek sanctuary. As a perp and an MB. Give me a break. I thought that once. I let all those kinky perverted souls use and abuse my body cause I wanted to die and did not have the balls to do it myself.

James
Quote:
I am still in shock, Well thanks for letting me ramble.
First off the shock part. How can they know, or worse they just dont want to know. Rambling I would never attribute to you James. Pissed off yes but never rambling.

I am glad you are taking the walks with your wife and smelling the flowers so to speak.

Be gentle with yourself ok my brother

Mike

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#39851 - 06/15/03 12:41 AM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
James,

You go bro!

Actually if I'm remembering right & I will check when I can its estimated at most 20% of boys who are abused go on to abuse. Doubt if the percentage
is much different for females tho I've seen no stats. That's part of the problem, the stats are biased toward the ass-u-mption that men are perps & females are victims. Ken Singer may have more info on this.

Jer,

Maybe this is why I don't go to other survivor sites anymore, haven't in some time; of course I'm a bit biased here! \:\) Half of my perps but the vast majority of my abuse was by females. Do I think all women are abusive? NO. I used to. But then I thot the same of all men too.

Bob,

I'll check on your question. I know recently in my research I ran across some stats on this. If I'm remembering right it was about 50-50; if so 1/2 of the perps of males are females. That's just how it is in my case.

Quote:
Perhaps it's time to go on the offensive and spread the word about Male Survivors ?
Dave yes I think it is! Time to fly in the face of "political correctness." If it offends anyone, so what? I find our abuse rather offensive, not to mention how it is minimized in comparison with the abuse of females.

No I don't want to female bash--I'm a bit outnumbered in my house anyway! \:D Just want to level the playing field and get all of us on the same team if we can!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#39852 - 06/15/03 05:42 AM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
WTG James, they just don't get it. They haven't walked in the shoes, they just find a place to blame..................or to judge others.
Just look how the numbers here have grown in just a short time member #1223 today. That does not include those that just look at the site.
The real scope of the issue of male SA is just coming to lite. Yes sorrow for the abused female as well however, don't point a finger or determine that I am going to be (or was) an abuser myself, I have enough guilt to carry on my own.
Absolutely correct Victor, awareness is very necessary. The more I read the posts from these brave men, the more I hope some how, there can be something put together with the spouse (or sig other) to help the SA victum work through all that needs to be done. Understanding the issues I believe is the first step towards supportive healing.
Bob
Bob

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#39853 - 06/15/03 10:09 AM Re: OK got pissed off big time!!!!!!!!
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
James,

Way to go with your response. Isn't it amazing how threads like this can evolve?

Bob(TheDean),

Yeah, I'm not sure either. Maybe it doesn't matter in the long run - both genders need to be aware of each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Dave,

Batter up eh? (hehe, ouch)

Quote:
Perhaps it's time to go on the offensive and spread the word about Male Survivors ?
Yeah, be nice if it ever happens. But who/how/when will the word be spread?

Victor,

I hope I'm not a bigot or m.s.p. (ha, figure it out lad). I used to use the label 'feminist', but then came across the term 'humanist' which I like best of all, and now I try to not use labels to describe myself (to myself mostly). Can't seem to get away from the buggers.

Although this site is geared toward males, it seems to me that MS has done a good job in not turning into a female bashing site.

jer


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