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#398295 - 05/24/12 11:49 AM Strange - no buddies here (too)?
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: California
Hi,

I am growing concerned about something here. I see most people here have "UBB" buddies/friends in their profiles. It pains me to see this because no one has asked to be my friend or buddy here. **Correction, peroperic added me as a buddy**.

What are you doing to make that happen? What is the lead up? Is it some private email conversation that is taking place among people here? How are people making friends here?

Feeling envious and lonely (and stupid). Is there something about my personality that people don't want me as their malesurvivor buddy? What am I doing wrong?

D


Edited by Magellan (05/24/12 11:51 AM)
Edit Reason: correction
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#398296 - 05/24/12 11:52 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3451
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i don't know how that works either - so that's two of us, magellan. hey - i'll be your buddy if i can find out how!

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#398299 - 05/24/12 12:15 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
Hello guys and I should say my buddies smile
It is just like some kind of shortcut to profile of buddies/friends. I saw couple of weeks or days someone talk about it in one thread and I've started to add some buddies. It is easy, just open someone's profile (make hit on his nick - View profile) and after you open it there is sign: Add to UBB buddies. So chose that and that person will have you as buddy. I hope that he will also add you to his list of buddies in return.
It is not hard and it is not something too important, I guess that many of us are not sure how it works and what is all that about....
Be well buddies smile
Pero
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My story

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#398300 - 05/24/12 12:16 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
I don't think I have anyone on my list either. I think you can just add people willy nilly as you want too.

If my memory serves me correctly it's a way to follow people's posts etc?

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#398301 - 05/24/12 12:18 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
My gosh Scott, you have bunch of buddies smile , I've just cheeked it, you are very popular smile
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#398308 - 05/24/12 02:50 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Really? When I checked the list it showed empty!

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#398311 - 05/24/12 03:18 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
Well I can see 15 buddies at your profile Scott smile
I don't know how you don't see it.
UBB Buddies that we are talking about are here:
Go to My stuff - View profile and see at bottom avatars of your UBB buddies.

Hey Magellan you got one more buddy, you are becoming popular too wink!


Edited by peroperic2009 (05/24/12 03:32 PM)
Edit Reason: added some detailes
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#398316 - 05/24/12 04:06 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
IC IC!

I went to My Stuff --> Buddies....

That shows blank.

Spiffy.

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#398697 - 05/29/12 02:27 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: California
Thanks, you guys. Now I feel silly.

But still very VERY lonely in real life.

As much "recovery" as I've had in realizing who/what I am and what happened to me, I still am not able to relax around other people. Makes relating and relationships fucking impossible.

This sucks.

>:(
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#398715 - 05/29/12 04:52 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
Hey Magellan."

Think i see a bit of myself in you. Have always found your posts to be inspiring at the least. In your strength shown, I think many ppl assume you are happy. That your day to day would consist with the strength and insight you show here. Think from time to time ppl can make the same assumption of me.

Be glad to have you as a buddy here bro" Take care and be well. Something ive been trying to remember lately, sort of a mantra if you will, is that ppl like me. No matter what, even if they dont know it yet- They like me. Acting under that assumptin, if i can truly do it, helps ALOT. Be well"
_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

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#398719 - 05/29/12 05:23 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
It may not show up in any report or screen, Magellan D, I have had you as a Watched User for some time. I find your posts and replies to be stable, encouraging and up building. I have added you to my UBB Buddies. While the service is not a popularity contest, but rather a shortcut to a user's profile, sending a PM and the like, I was going to do it, and now I have.

Sam
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#398725 - 05/29/12 06:25 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
Hi Magellan,
yes it is difficult sometimes frown but please be aware that we as survivors are perfectionist in everything meaning that we are many times hard to ourselves without any "real" reason.
I find as one of ultimate goals of recovery/healing is changing our stance and negative self image - and this negativity is present in background of almost every aspect of our lives. From memories of trauma and abuse in beginning trough scars and leftovers later and finally in our view to others and us as social beings. So breaking isolation for survivor is really very difficult task.
Lets bring some positive thoughts here in try to break that negative self image:
you are certainly capable to be relaxed around people, just at the moment you are not feeling like that wink
you have so much to offer to others
you are wonderful person
full of insight and so self reflecting
one of the greatest buddies here
don't you ever forget that!!!!

Pero

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#398801 - 05/30/12 08:22 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
If it makes you feel better I don't have any "buddies" on here either : P I can't speak for anyone else but for me this site is a place where I can come to learn from others, share what I know, and spread awareness all at once. I guess I never thought about "friending" anyone on here and would not be surprised if a lot of other people here just don't think about it even if they enjoy the posts of this member or that. Moreover, and in my case especially, some of us survivors experience difficulty with relationships, trust, and above all intimacy.

To give you insight into my crazy. Most "normal" people would just friend you because they saw one or two posts you'd written and thought it would be a nice gesture/method of staying in contact. For me? What happens if you don't respond/accept it? If you do, what will I have to do to retain your interest/respect? Do I need to respond to everything you write from now on in order to demonstrate my friendship? I could go on but I think you get my point. It sounds goofy but I am just like that for now : )>
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"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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#398805 - 05/30/12 08:26 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
CruxFidelis Offline


Registered: 06/16/10
Posts: 486
Loc: NJ
if you look at my profile, I don't have any "buddies" and no one has asked me, yet I feel like I've made some meaningful connections with certain guys here.
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#398806 - 05/30/12 08:31 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
You have UBB buddies Pete. Again, please remember this is not "liking" or "friend'ing" or "plus one". It is a shortcut to a member's profile. Some member's choose to interact through PM and want quick access to those whom they wish to contact, this service affords that, nothing more.

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#398807 - 05/30/12 08:32 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Publius]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Publius,
you have some good points here. These "buddies" are just shortcuts to someone's profile, nothing more.
Anyway I have added you to my buddies for some time now, it means that I've talked to you or have found some yours posts interesting, that is all buddy smile
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#398808 - 05/30/12 08:33 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: CruxFidelis]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3611
Loc: South-East Europe
I added you also as buddy CruxFidelis smile
and as Sam already said you have now six buddies.
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#398811 - 05/30/12 08:40 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Lol Publius, that sounds like too much brain work. It's not crazy, I feel that weight too. Let's just get back to plain old MS, you said it best "I guess I never thought about "friending" anyone on here and would not be surprised if a lot of other people here just don't think about it even if they enjoy the posts of this member or that."

Exactly.
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MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#398816 - 05/30/12 09:18 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2582
Quote:
As much "recovery" as I've had in realizing who/what I am and what happened to me, I still am not able to relax around other people. Makes relating and relationships fucking impossible.


I'm the same way. I have so few interactions with others in real life and when I do I find myself off on the side just watching (at least that's what it feels like).

So So often I feel I have little in common with human beings. I sit and listen to them talk at length about things that are utterly meaningless and pointless and can't figure out why.

Yet If I begin to talk about things that do matter or try to take a conversation beyond the meaningless to something deeper, everyone runs for the hills or tells me I think too much.

This thing that's supposed to pass for life is indeed lonely.

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#400591 - 06/16/12 01:15 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: California
You guys are awesome. I love this place. I'm so glad I found all of us here.

Thank you for your replies and support and love. I feel it. I trust it!

I am feeling very grateful right now. Without support like this at MaleSurvivor, my recovery would not have been possible.

D
_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#400636 - 06/16/12 11:24 PM * [Re: Magellan]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:51 PM)

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#400652 - 06/17/12 01:40 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:48 PM)
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Stick around, It will get better....

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#400658 - 06/17/12 04:54 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i havent checked the ubb list bfore. i dont have any either, dont worry.

Magellan, i thought it was clear you were my buddy. we dont need no list.

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#400704 - 06/17/12 07:10 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 951
Loc: southern California
D,
I have no idea what the UBB/buddy thing is, and I haven't cared to check into it. I have no idea if I have any or not.

I enjoy the sense of being in a large pond of kindred spirits here, so it defeats my purpose for being here to isolate myself in sub-groups.

My biggest regret in life is that so much of mine was spent isolated. I no longer do that, even online.

I consider you and everyone here a buddy.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#400706 - 06/17/12 08:00 PM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
whistle

Well said, WK, well said.

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#400722 - 06/18/12 12:27 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 06:48 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#400729 - 06/18/12 02:07 AM Re: Strange - no buddies here (too)? [Re: Magellan]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 951
Loc: southern California
I'll second that, Daniel.
...and glad to see you around!
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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