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#398228 - 05/23/12 10:35 PM I Hate My Hands
Letourski Offline


Registered: 03/15/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
I look down at them and think they aren't manly enough. I hate my mannerisms and the way I stand. They feel weak, and feeble. Some times, I can tell what kind of day I am going to have by looking at my hands. When I see rugged hands, I can identify with strength and courage. When I see narrow frail hands, I feel ashamed of them, like I want to hide them in my pockets. I think they are too feminine, and I hate them so much. I hate them for the things they have done. I don't want these hands, and some times I feel like they belong to someone else.

I hate my body, and most everything about it. I don't know how to connect with my body. I work out so that I don't appear weak on the outside. I dress myself so that others will see me as attractive, and appealing. All the while, I feel worthless. Broken on the inside and disconnected from myself in so many ways. I feel like a shell, nothing more than a collection of skin and bones wandering aimlessly through life. I call myself names, I berate myself for not being man enough, tall enough, muscular enough, attractive enough, decisive enough, confident enough.

These hands are the only ones I will ever have.
_________________________
I am the warrior.

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#398246 - 05/24/12 01:09 AM Re: I Hate My Hands [Re: Letourski]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3420
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Letourski -

the fact that your hands look different to you on different days is significant - and i think proves that you are not seeing yourself objectively.

“We see the world, not as it is, but as we are──or, as we are conditioned to see it.” ― Stephen R. Covey

i remember a woman who paid me a compliment back decades ago. she told me i had great skin - the coloring and texture. that not only made my day, but helped me start seeing myself in a much more positive light. i had a really lousy self-image at the the time. but i was able to accept and believe that one detail. if she had said i was very handsome i would not have believed it. now i am OK with my appearance - not the greatest, but it is who i am - and not really that important.

is there some part of yourself that you think is OK? maybe you have a nice color of eyes or your hair looks good or you have a perfect big toe! admit it and move on from there. besides - who says you have to conform to a certain image?

i bet you are much better looking than you think and that most people would wonder why you feel that way. it is most likely all about your feelings about yourself - not about your real objective appearance. chances are that you are a much harsher judge of yourself than others are. and you would propbably be much kinder to others than you are being to yourself.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#398288 - 05/24/12 10:33 AM Re: I Hate My Hands [Re: Letourski]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
Letourski,

I agree with Lee, and I'm adding some things.

These are not the only hands you'll ever have. Every cell in our bodies dies and is replaced. I read somewhere that every seven years we have pretty much totally new bodies. So the hands don't stay the same. neither do the bodies.

Even more importantly, eventually you get to choose the names you call yourself. They stop being automatic.

For me it's been a slow but interesting process. "I am unworthy" moves to "I wonder why I'm unworthy" to "maybe I'm worthy?" to "maybe I'm the one who decides whether or not I'm worthy" and eventually to "if I'm the one who decides whether or not I'm worthy, why not just decide I'm worthy and bypass all the crap?"

Your body, in and of itself, does not deserve to be hated. Something in you is pushing you to decide to hate it.. Your body doesn't create disconnection from you, something between you two (you and your body) has arisen to create the separation. The fact that you feel like a shell doesn't mean you are one. All these feelings are false views created by the abuse. They sound like survival methods that have stuck around too long. Once they might have been useful, but now they're just in the way.

I suggest systematically laying out alternate views. For example, look at your hands. Really see them, see the skin, the muscles, the blood flowing through the veins. Then lay out all the ways they could be viewed. If they're thin, make a list: wiry, capable of x, feminine, assertive when they point. let other people come into your mind to extend the list, loved ones, enemies, etc. To me this is useful, because it shows that when one decides "they aren't manly enough," one is just choosing a particular line on the list rather than another line on the list.

Then it's obvious there's nothing wrong with the hands, just something wrong with the choice of how they're seen.

The same technique could then be used in thinking about your body.

When you call yourself names, you're choosing those names and applying them to your self. Those names will never be the valid ones. They're just the names you're currently accepting.

It helps me to know this. Then when you call yourself the name, immediately remind yourself: "I just chose to see myself as x." Since what you're saying is so negative, I'd add: "why am I choosing to abuse myself?"

I hope this is helpful,

Danny

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