so if you've read my stories and poem Blood Marriage then you should know a lil about the abuse i went through do to the Satanic Ritual Abuse... but i am going to try to write it in even further details.. it may not flow right or proper but these are my memories of it and it may be sickening to some or triggering to some. I am sorry for both. this is how i was raised. I have other stories depicting my childhood abuse here as well... but this part will focus just on the satanic side of it all... so here it goes...
my first recollection of the cult lifestyle was when my father brought me into it when i was just a very young child. I must not have been no more than about 5yrs old when he did this. He was abusing my older brothers and I already at home. I just thought it was a normal outing for my father only this time it was night time. My mother had died when i was around three so it was just my brother and i and our dad. I remember it being my birthday and i was taken to a friends house. I was kinda excited for it was my father and I going as my brothers weren't allowed to go. We got to the house and came in and i was immediately picked up by my father and blindfolded. "A game daddy's angel". I didn't really want to have my eyes covered but at 5 i agreed. I was carried somewhere and i remember going down the stairs. I was stood on something and told to be quiet and do as I was told and nothing would be wrong. I wasn't to take the blind fold off either. As i was undressed fully naked and layed on the table, which i'd come to know as the main alter. My blindfold taken off my eyes and told to stop whimpering which for 5 isn't easy to do. My legs were tied down as well as my arms. A live cat above me and everyone in black robes chanting was making me very afraid and i began to cry and plead to get up more and more. At one point I angered the high priest and he smacked me hard making my lip bleed. The cat was there for placed above me and as the chanting got louder the high priest, whom was my friend's father, took the dagger and sliced the cats throwing spilling the blood all over me. I didn't like it at all.. the high priest grabbed my hand and sliced it open with the blade, and filled a cup with my blood and the remainder of the cats blood. Forced to drink it and then the high priest disrobed and climbed on top of me knife to my heart. He drew the satanic pentacle right above me heart. I felt the ties to my wrists and ankles loosen and then he turned me over having me bound once again. I felt his dagger go from the back of my neck to my lower back, scared he was going to just kill me there. Then i felt the excruciating pain as he entered me. I was crying and gasping for air. The smell of the insence was too poigant and the air was thick. The whole room was chanting as he, my friends father was raping me. As he was done i was untied and stood before the alter watching my friend get raped brutally. After he was done he left my friend get up and i was placed back on the alter table and tied down. My father got on top of me and i have no idea who he was talking to but i remember him chanting and saying
"Horned father take my baby son as my offering to you. be he my sacrificial lamb of jet black hair and ice blue eyes. be he bound by blood to you and this covenant for his life. make him your servant in darkness. bring my cherub prince into the blood and darkness of your heart. be he your prince or your bound lover. father satan take my son as your own. Hail Satani Hail Satan" and he raped me brutally that night. I wanted nothing more to just be off the alter. After he was done the high priestess came and gave me oral. Once it was done and she was done having her fun i had my arms tied behind my back and tied to the upside down cross they had and began to burn my boy parts and bottoms of my feet with lit cigarettes or hot lighters and other things. I was in excrutiating pain as was my friend whom was having this done to him only on the sacrificial bed. I blacked out from the pain. After everything was done the priestess took me upstairs to clean me off. My friend had been in his bed for a while he was asleep already. I was washed up by here and she said that no matter what i was of the cult, bonded by blood to the dark horned father and that he wanted me bc of my eyes. That even my children would be part of this. It scared me to point of tears. i slept in my brothers arms that night when i got home. I am sure they were aware of something but i didn't tell them.
At 9 my step mom joined the group. and at 12 part of her leaving was the ceremonial disbandment of her. I was her sacrificial offering to the horned father god. She raped me more than 8 times that night. I couldn't help it but i got hard each time. Its not something i am proud of saying or admitting but it happened. I didn't know till later how that night and the couple nights before would change my life forever. She got pregnant and yes the kid was and is mine. I was allowed 1 picture of him but i never saw it. They made sure i never saw it. A torture to me to hear a baby crying as they brutalized me body. I knew it was my baby crying there but as hard as i fought i couldn't get to him and then the tapes stopped. I didn't know whether they went to kill her or not. I had no idea whether my child lived or died. No idea whether my child was boy or girl. 13 and i was worrying about things like this. Yes.
The torture got worse as my middle brother left. I hated it. I was home schooled for over a year so no one was able to see any of the many bruises i wore. I was kept in darkness and naked. Any clothing i had on would be ripped or cut off me and i would suffer a brutal beating till blood ran. After the blood ran i would be raped. I was chained to the alter for three days one time and not left get up. I thought i'd die from no food or water. I could barely stand when they released me. I went two weeks at a time with barely no food and little water just kept alive for their own personal sex toy. Bound and tied to a bed constant raping of my soul that never stopped. I damn passed out from pain many times only to be brought back to consciouness by a rotten potent smell. Enough to make anyone lucid enough. I couldn't move and yet one by one over and over again came chanting and hollering HAIL SATAN, DARK PRINCE, and everything. I tried to stab my father the one time and i was beaten and tied down for a swastika to be burned into my arm. Prostituted out among the group. The highest they paid the more brutal it was. I was also pimped to my father's friends. Used in their personal movies. I numbed it out. I was either there and felt no pain or i wasn't there but felt the pain. I couldn't completely just leave.. I was continuously chained to the the alter, sacrificial bed, or at times on an upside down cross they had and that i was chained for no more than 10minutes at a time.
at 15 and 16 i was blood married to my middle brother and ex friend. I still remember it and yes it is from my poem i write but i will include it here as well because this is how it went. upon the alter i am forced to lay,tied down with chains and ropes,mouth gagged,robe i was forced to wear is forced untied,i tried to knot it good though they are forced to cut it, not thrilled they are i can tell. A brother stands before the alter and kneels, the smell of the fire and inscence is obscure it dilutes my senses and gets me high burns my eyes and makes them tear, burning wax poured onto my chest from my neck to my below my belly button then the have it peeled off. A cats blood spilled above me, this poor creature that has to die because of their cruelty blood pours on me in the form of a satanic pentacle another animal used to cover me in blood, my brother slices a hand blood into a cup it goes my hand sliced for my own to add to cup. Placed in fire to boil and forced to drink, bound together in chains
brother on top of brother the pain is great forced bondage and blood forced to violate the smallest forced to be bonded by darkness and blood forced into fire i am forced into the satanic marriage of blood and oath; he is not forced to take my innocence he loves it and i know it bound by chains that hurt me they don't hurt him he's intended to hurt me. Done and gone my soul is empty i feel the pain and hear them but cannot answer, he forced me to drink from the cup slice me hand and licks the wound. i am forced to turn around and stand lashed and beaten till blood runs he lays upon the alter my back burning like hell fire i am forced ontop and told to go i try to but can't pain stop me i am angering the horned master. chanting louder and louder, the authority figures goes behind me, of blood for blood more blood spilled
the knife slahes my neck his tongue laps up the blood as he grabs my waste, i hear chanting get louder. For the horned master he says offering up two princes to the power he rubs my back as pain jolts through me body and i cry out the blood brother husband hits a face, the pain from my back and from the authority raping my soul is bad enough to try to block out but being forced to love your brother whom is bonded in blood hurts worse. Satanic blood marriage bonded by chains in darkness bound by blood concecrated by blood sweat tears and forced love offered our souls to devils upon an alter running with my blood and tears this horned beast master can't touch the blue eyed prince beaten and tortured raped and nearly killed sacrificed to him the beast made his marriage gift. blood for blood pain of pain chain by chain; cut, gashed, burnt, beat, whipped, bloody rubs my bad while on top of darkness married in blood names written in fire; you come to destroy this blue eyed dark prince, you can't win nor succeed i hate you as ever you stole my brother from me sacrificed him for the power he is now dead inside its only the second night and his last i am to die yet i am spared fucked over more so than ever. 15 and blood married to my brother. 16 blood bonded and married to my enemy ex friend forced to marry the dark and powerful.
I was forced to sacrifice animals but not by my own will of hand. I was stood there as the high master himself came behind me grabbing my hand and plunging the blade into the animal and forcing the blade downwards and across. Crying as i did when this happened he was so very angry and beat me those times. I was forced to have sex with the high priest and my father. Doing this that the one would always be behind me forcing me to do it and if i cried which i always did or resisted which i did as well I would be tied down and beaten till blood ran. For trying to stab my father i was beaten and raped. Forced to walk on broken glass and burning hot charcoal. Made to walk to the alter wearing the black robe i hated so much and forced to drink the blood of a dead animal. Disrobed by my authoritative figure and raped brutally. Arms bound behind my back and forced to hang from specialized hooks they put there and my back is beaten bloody. Down i came only forced to be tied to the sacrificial bed and raped over and over again for days. I thought of death but nothing came to save me.
I was give my son back at 16 and how i loved him so. I knew if i stayed he'd have to suffer the fate i was in. After all he was my child and of blackest hair and bluest of eyes. Satan wants him i was told as he wants me. He was to be bound to me at one time but i saved him from that fate by taking him off the table and taking him and locking him into my room. I had to return I didn't want to but it was my hell i had to pay. I did after all save my child and for that i was beaten badly by my father that night and raped brutally by him and 4 others. I left that night as well. I could't take it. I was 17 after all. Fuck em i had to save my child. My last rape was at 19 and it was payback for leaving the group.
I have kept this all in and i know more details are there. It is something that happens. Kids kill in the Satan's name, they are forced into bonding situations, forced to pimp themselves out, forced to participate in this stuff. It is real and does happen. I've seen more horrors than anyone can even fathom, most will not believe nor can they imagine the horrors. Its worse than the most horrific of movie. this is some of it and my personal hell i was forced to live. its real and i survived. Why i don't know but i survived it. I can now raise my children with god in their hearts even as i struggle to find god myself.
I don't want to look back;I just want to start again;Somebody save me--- Pop Evil: Broken and Betrayed
I want justice I want you overthrown;I want courage I want to stand alone;I want your arrogance and I want your pain;I want your everything and I want you dead--- Rev Theory: Justice