.

Thanks Gary....

My twin brother was one of my perps (other was 12 yrs older). He did the same things to me that my older brother (2 years older than us twins) did to him. I was the only child who self identified as gay later in life, I have been attacked for my gay identity, and bullied horrendously (inside my family of origin). I suspect you are right, that my twin nor older bro knew what the consequences would be,(of bullying nor CSA) however, they are what they are. I cannot over estimate the amount of time or energy I have expended on recovery from CSA already. I am 44, I was recruited into incest at the age of 6 or 8. I am seeing a Therapist now every week. (4th time I have sought therapy, 16, 23, 35, 44). I wish I had never been molested, I wished for years I had not been born gay. Today I accept my gay orientation, and look for the day I accept the facts of my more unpleasant history..I was born into incest and molestation. I have met people who did not hate their perps...I however am not there. (maybe one day). I still resent their actions and sexual demands. I almost ended my life several times for these people....who today won't allow me to visit the hospital ICU where my nephew lies dying from a car wreck and brain injury. I am attempting to not take it personally, but it seems funny that they taught me how to do it and hate me for it.

Geoff

*

I was 8 or 9 years old and I had two enrichment classes on Saturdays that were held at a high school which was located right by a long, tall bridge that spans a large valley. I was on my own because I took the subway to and from these classes by myself and quite often after class I'd walk out on the bridge trying to decide whether or not to pack it in and try to figure out where the best spot to jump off would be. The thought that a short climb on to the top of the railing and a jump would end all the problems was tempting but I was afraid I might be shortchanging myself if things were to get better in the future, so I always ended up wandering back to the subway station and heading home.

I was 14 when I mixed some painkillers and vodka well obviously not enough... but I remember I was about 9 maybe 10 when I tried to provoke my father to kill me, did that several times, don´t know if that counts though... I remember fantasizing about dying but you know as a kid you don´t really get what death is about. My mum died when I was 2 and everybody kept saying she was in heaven and heaven was a good place to be in so I wanted to be there with her. The problem was I didn´t know how to get there.