Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
What happened to the man you love and, by extension, you, by someone you once trusted and called friend is a terrible betrayal of that trust. I am glad you were both able to endure the trial process.
As others have stated, you EACH need your own therapists. Preferably those trained to work with trauma. If they have experience working with sexual abuse, that is a bonus.
You may find the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping
helpful as you interview potential therapists. Psychology Today
has listings for all states and counties. You can choose the type of therapist you are seeking as well as the area(s) to which you are willng to travel. Also check your county rape crisis center. They offer services to males and females, at no cost to county residents. Some offer support groups in addition to individual therapy.
You cannot force your love to seek help, but you can stronly encourage him. If his behavior is getting out of control -- drinking to excess, verbal/ emotional abuse, etc., you must set limits on what you will and will not tolerate and there must be consequences for the behavior that you find intolerable. These are NOT threats. These are definitive, concrete steps you will take.
Hopefully he will choose to heal and grow with you, rather than apart from you.
Leave the name and the url for this site where he will see it, but do not push him to come here nor ask him if he has. Many guys take time before they come here. Some come and read, but never join or post. Some find the posts here too triggering and never come back. What he chooses to do with this information is up to him.
There are many books that you and he might find useful. I am not familiar with the books for those who love the one who was abused/ assualted. I am certain others here, espeically in the Friends and Family forum will be able to give you good suggestions.
Books you love might be interested in reading, and you might find them helpful as well are:
Male Rape: Breaking the Silence on the Last Taboo by Richie J. McMullen.
Male on Male Rape: The Hidden Toll of Stigma and Shame by Michael Scarce.
Victims No Longer by Mike Lew.
You may find the bookstore link
If the love of your life joins, he may find the moderated chats called Healing Circles
helpful. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone). The Tuesday Healing Circle is expected to resume in September.
Both of you are also welcome to come into the lounge (chat room) for real time support. The lounge is open 24 hours a day, but it may not always be in use.
I hope the man you love will avail himself of the help here.
Again, welcome to MS.