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#397938 - 05/21/12 07:59 PM Any open marriages?
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
My wife admitted that she would be interested in opening up our relationship a little further down the road if that's what I want but with the stipulations that I hold off to work on us a little bit more and not to do anything behind her back. I plan on staying in our marriage and don't know if I even will accept her offer, but I love her even more for considering it. This has all been allot to take in. Does anyone on here have an open marriage and is it working out for you all? any experiences?

Thanks!

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#397940 - 05/21/12 08:11 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
whoa - too scary for me!!! i have a hard enough time handling one relationship - and have not done that great a job at that for years. mixing it up with more than one just sounds like trouble to me. the casual sex sort of thing reminds me too much of abuse. almost inevitable that emotions will get involved sooner or later on somebody's part. and then - lots of hurts...

seems like you might be better off getting yourself strong and healthy and stable first before making any huge changes like that.

...my opinion,
lee
_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#397941 - 05/21/12 08:13 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
I feel sort of the same way, I was thinking true friends with benefits and yes it would be a while. I just wanted to know if anyone actually had any experience?

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#402468 - 07/03/12 12:02 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 07:10 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#402534 - 07/04/12 07:50 AM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
Blessedcurse Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 93
I have. Feel free to ask questions if you want. It's working wonderfully and my original relationship has never been healthier - we simply don't expect each other to fulfill every need anymore.

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#402580 - 07/05/12 12:51 AM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
Blessedcurse are you married to a woman or in a relationship with a man? I am married to a woman and we are still in talks about adding another guy in the mix, her fear is that I will fall hopelessly in love and leave which I assure her that I am not ever leaving ever..I just crave physical contact with another guy but I could not live the gay lifestyle, That's not what I want or who I am.

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#402587 - 07/05/12 03:06 AM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
Blessedcurse Offline


Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 93
I'm in a long term relationship with a man, we opened it up years ago and he's had a couple of girlfriends since, I've had a girlfriend and now I have a second long term relationship with a man. It all works fine, what the first man and I have together can never be replaced. Only completed by other relationships. But not everybody can do this, it seems some people really get hurt so you have to be careful. Honesty and respect on all parts has been really important to us.

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#402623 - 07/05/12 12:44 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
We have been so open with each other the last couple of months it's been almost unreal..lol I know we aren't ready to open our relationship up yet but let me tell you it's awesome being able to talk openly about everything but I have to admit it still catches me kind of off guard when my wife actually draws my attention to some guy walking down the street saying "Hey hun look at that".

For so many years I did all I could to avoid getting caught looking and now she is encouraging it. She knows I am very serious about eventually going through with it and she is ok with the idea other than being afraid of me running off with some guy.

she did some reading on some forums about woman that opened up their relationships for their Bi husbands and the husbands ran off with their partner and we talked about it, I explained to her that I am actually in love with her again, I trust her, I can talk to her about everything, she is also my best friend why would I leave? thanks for sharing your experience it's nice to hear about people who have done it and it worked out, it's very encouraging.

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#406961 - 08/15/12 11:02 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
Alden Offline


Registered: 08/14/12
Posts: 7
Loc: Ohio
I am in a very similar situation, and wonder if you have made any progress on this topic, or come to reach a decision.

For me, the idea of separating, living apart, starting over is a very tough one to come to grips with, and at the same time, the idea of seeing my wife with another man is difficult to handle. I just want her to be happy, and not sure I can give her what she needs.

I identify with your comment about being open with one another, she and I have never been as close as we are now, and I don't want to lose that.

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#406995 - 08/16/12 11:58 AM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
We have decided to hold off a little while on this, I was starting to wonder if the urges to start this were just a means to re-enact the abuse that I went through, we have agreed that it is still something that we would like to experiment with later down the road but I too have had some fears about my wife falling for another man and that idea does scare me too, so before we really go through with this we need to work some on ourselves first.

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#407171 - 08/18/12 02:13 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: Alden]
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
I was in a hurry when I posted the last message, I wanted to add that my wife and I had come to the conclusion that if we were going to do this then when we are ready we will do it together. I know some people might think we are insane for coming up with the idea but we are married and to do it separately would be adultery but if we are together when it happens then it's not, or atleast that is how we have justified it in our heads because we both know about it because we will both be there.

I came to the conclusion that I married my wife and I do love her, I don't consider myself to be "Gay" as I said before I couldn't wake up next to a man every morning and feel love for him like I do my wife. I just have a physical attraction towards guys which is what makes me keep coming back to the abuse and that I am trying to re-enact the abuse in order to have some control over what happened to me. It's definitely something that is going to take some time to sort out.

Alden take things slowly is my suggestion and try to figure out what is really going on with your self this is a big decision to face and can be life changing so please don't rush into anything and really talk to your wife and feel her out make sure that this is something that you both can live with, I am still not so sure with my wife which is why I still haven't acted on my urges, though I will also tell you that my urges were very strong towards the beginning of going through this and after talking, talking and more talking and some meds thrown in for good measure my urges have died down considerably.

Good luck with whatever you guys decide to do, and please keep us updated.

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#407176 - 08/18/12 03:26 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
peroperic2009 Online   content
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3600
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Longroad, I love your new pic/avatar smile!
Your last comments are really calm and vise relating to temptations to acting out. I'm not sure have you been aware of huge change, that is awesome man. I like how you are insightful and honest to yourself and your wife. Just keep further in that direction!
Pero
_________________________
My story

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#407177 - 08/18/12 03:38 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: peroperic2009]
NCguy88 Offline


Registered: 05/13/12
Posts: 76
Thanks Pero, It's taken some time but I think I am starting to figure these things out, I know I'm not done yet and still have allot further to go.

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#415148 - 11/02/12 08:36 PM Re: Any open marriages? [Re: NCguy88]
TwoSpiritRising Offline


Registered: 11/01/12
Posts: 32
I am so moved by all of you and your open and supportive partners! Whatever happens, you have that.

TwoSpirit

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