Welcome to MS.
I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.
Try as we might, regardless of how fast or far we run, we cannot outrun ourselves. The only solution is to turn and face these atrocities head-on.
You find yourself in a unique position. I presume in your position as a pastor that you counsel people as part of your duties. Now you need to be on the receiving end of counseling, preferably with a therapist trained to work with trauma and/ or sexual abuse.
If you have not yet found a therapist, I suggest you use the Consumers Guide to Therapist Shopping
. This guide gives you many questions a therapist competent in dealing with trauma / sexual abuse should be willing to answer. While it is not a comprehensive list of questions, it does give you a starting point. The list also helps reduce the anxiety associated with contacting a therapist.
At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.
We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles.
They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone). The Tuesday Healing Circle is expected to resume in September.
Again, welcome to MS.