In the past month, my whole life has fallen apart. I'm disabled, and my one shining thing that made me proud and gave me purpose was volunteer EMS. One violent bipolar woman and a problem with the captain of one agency, and that's gone. My marriage disintegrated, although now we have worked out most of our trigger and issues and forgiven things; however, she lives a county away and her kids refuse to live with me, and the people she is staying with won't let me stay there either. I'm on probation for defending my wife from being beaten by her father, and my probation officer is threatening me with all kinds of horrible things based on allegations that were proven unfounded. All this collapse also tore down 43 years of walls inside me and I've been flooded with grief, shame, and fear, while living alone, wanting to be with the only person i trust and who can mirror me while I grow roots for myself but that being impossible; having a useless therapist and trying to find a decent one that takes Medicare and Medicaid that can help; and not having any place to live after the end of this month. I will have a little money saved up from selling most of my belongings but can't sustain a car (needed in my rural county) and pay basic bills and food and rent with the small amount of SSDI I receive. And I can't cope with the idea of ending up in a homeless shelter.
If anyone has any ideas for maybe a caretaker job for someone's property (light activity due to my disability) or medical/health care (I studied to be an EMT) anywhere in new York, especially the southern Ulster County/northern Orange County area, I would be grateful to hear from you. I'm consumed by thoughts of the abuse I suffered in my father's basement as an infant (I'm a dual incest survivor, both parents, with beatings starting before 12 months old and sexual abuse starting before 8 months old).
I just need a safe, stable place where someone understand, there are not drugs or alcohol or weapons, and is in NY, preferably close to my wife so we can work on healing and I can have access to the one person i truly trust and who has ever forgiven me for anything, while I build the capacity to love myself. I am 43, an retired from a career in the motorcycle industry in first engineering/mechanicing and then journalism after I became ill.