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#39719 - 06/13/03 11:37 AM unsure
tone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 41
Loc: Canada
I don't know how to go about this ,but here goes.
The other night i was in the chat room and really had the impression that i was not wanted there or that i said something wrong. I am in a very fragile state of mind when i come here, i don't share often but i like to think that when i come here i can feel more at ease in the knowledge that others like me are going through the same thing.
I am at the point where i hesitate to sign in because i think that people are suspicious of me. It is dificult to come to terms with myself and i hope that i am imagining this. However if there are people who don't trust my being here , please let me know. Maybe i am to demanding , I know i am not very good with people , i don't know.
confused!!!!!!!!!

_________________________
Exchange On a visit to England by Ghandi
Reporter:"what do you think of Western Civilisation,Mr.Ghandi?"
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.

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#39720 - 06/13/03 12:12 PM Re: unsure
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
Tone,
Hi, let me start by saying "I"m sorry if anything I have said or done in the chat room has made you feel this way." OK with that said, I also want you to know that I have NO reason NOT to trust you. Tone Im so sorry your feeling this way. I know I'be been having a lot going on in my life and sometimes I am to demanding of time in the chat, I dont mean to (or maybe I do) I just needed to get the crap out. Tone please next time your in the room and you need to talk chime in or p2p me if I'm there, I'll take the time to talk to you. No matter what you need to talk about. We are brother's Tone. There is a song by Garth Brooks and in it, it says "Blood is thicker than water; then love is thicker than blood!" Tone your loved here. Once more Im very sorry if any of these feelings are caused by any actions I may have taken in the chat.
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#39721 - 06/13/03 03:04 PM Re: unsure
tone Offline
Member

Registered: 04/22/03
Posts: 41
Loc: Canada
James buddy i wasn't pointing at you in any way, on the contrary you always have been supportive on the posts and i respect your opinion tremendously. It is just a general feeling that i get, maybe i'm being paranoid. But i need this place really bad , i didn't realise how important it was going to be if only reading the posts and learning from the other guys here. So i would be really affected if i wasn't wanted here. Believe me man i really respect you , you are guenuine and caring and respectful of others so i am sorry if you thought i was aiming at you.
later tone

_________________________
Exchange On a visit to England by Ghandi
Reporter:"what do you think of Western Civilisation,Mr.Ghandi?"
Ghandi: I think it would be a good idea.

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#39722 - 06/13/03 04:39 PM Re: unsure
James_dup1 Offline


Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
lol Tone arent we the pair. Both are saying sorry to eachother for now reason. lol, I didnt think you were talking about me, I just wanted to say sorry if I did do anything to make you feel that way. Tone I respect you as well, I think you have a very kind and carring spirit. And the insite you share on the board and in the chat is of great help to me. Love ya bro
James

_________________________
I have more issues than Rolling Stone!


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#39723 - 06/13/03 04:42 PM Re: unsure
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Tone:

Mike here. Do not ever feel that waay here brother. We are all here for you and you have to remember that ok.

Hey Tone I know what it is like to be fragile; like breaking glass inside and being caught in the headlights of an oncoming freight train.

Just remember we are here to help you regain your dignity and your life.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#39724 - 06/13/03 04:53 PM Re: unsure
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Men,

It seems common for survivors to have feelings like this, at least from my limited experience, observations & perspective. Its part of what the SA has done to us, making us insecure & suspicious
of ourselves & of others. Its also part of what we had to do to survive. Were I not the "paranoid"
that I am, I'da been dead a long time ago. \:D

So let's not be too hard on ourselves. Part of what we're doing here & what makes this place so special is learning to trust in a relatively safe environment with other male survivors. We're learning, guys!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#39725 - 06/13/03 07:26 PM Re: unsure
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Tone
I don't use the chat room, it's about 4-00am here when it gets busy and I need my sleep !
But I think that a lot of the guys who use the forums go to chat at night time, and I know how how friendly and supportive they are here, I don't expect they change much in the chat room.

I know how hard it can be to break into chat rooms, I've been cold shouldered out of a couple of 4x4 chat / forums. And it's not a good feeling when your input instantly closes the thread.
Especially when we're dealing with low self esteem and all the other crap we might have due to our SA.

But I don't think that would happen here, we come to MS for our recovery, and therefore we are more aware of other peoples feelings and problems because they are our problems as well.
I find that people here are more likely to go out of their way to be friendly than cultivate an exclusive clique.

So give your self esteem a boost, go in and say what you want, talk with friends.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#39726 - 06/14/03 12:05 AM Re: unsure
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Paranoid???? I get that way from time to time. My wife gets after me though because she says I analyze, analyze the analysis and then want to know why things happen! I think its residue from preventing me from being hurt by others or taken advantage of or being serious when others are making fun of me.

I've been in one chatroom, once in my life and it was here. Didn't have much to say but enjoyed what I did say and heard a lot. Guys didn't seem putting me down at all.

Why once? I'm not terribly computer literate and (now don't you guys laugh), I forgot how to get back to the chat room. Been looking for an icon or some phrase..They're gone \:D

I'd give the chat room a try again. If you feel that way again, I encourage you to speak out and tell guys how you are feeling!!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#39727 - 06/14/03 04:14 PM Re: unsure
guy43 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/17/02
Posts: 450
Loc: Minnesota
Tone,

I've felt that way many, many times in chat rooms, and even our MS chat room, especially at first.

What I found was that I could just say that I was feeling left out or excluded and I always got back replies to the contrary. Just recognize that some in the chat room have been friends for a long time, and also that there is a flow to chat that takes awhile to catch on to.

The best chat I've had has been here. The most real, and painful for me personally as well as listening to other's stories - which is why I don't go there often now.

Just jump in with what you're feeling and thinking Tone and see where it goes. Just ask for help and you'll be surprised.

jer


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