My violator did not love himself, and so he used me to fill his needs and "complete" him. If he loved himself - respected himself - he might have had a better capacity to respect me.

After I freed myself of him and started dating, I fell into a series of relationships with partners who did not love themselves. As a result, I was further used. I NEED you, Eirik! ... Yeah, that's a red flag. Unless it's family or work saying that, I've learned to run.

Basic truth - how can you give to another what you can't give to yourself? Loving yourself doesn't mean narcissism. It means self-respect. I have learned that those who are not self-possessed sometimes clutch others like life preservers and possess them. Just my own experience. But I suspect most of us are here because we were forced to associate with someone like that. So this is a very pertinent topic.

Great quote that i love:

"We are all a little weird
And life's a little weird,
And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness,
And call it LOVE."

- Dr. Seuss

may you all find someone to be mutually weird with!!!
Lee

i agree with lee about accepting love or complements from others being something I find difficult, but I'm afraid I don't think in any sense this is bound up with how I feel about others at all.

There are people, and indeed animals that I love, far more than myself, and for me this feeling is genuine. I am also aware there are those who would say they love, or at least am friends with me in some way, though this I cannot accept, however this doesn't invalidate my! feelings in the least.

That sort of communicative love i've seen betwene people on some occasions is something I've desired to destraction, but that is a two way process like a circle.

Still, my half circle I'd regard as valid enough.