Newest Members
ShinTensei, jaklumen, Bennett, 0128, jeremywickers
12505 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Drea (31), gpdno (47), serb guy (49), Thomas8221 (60), UncleClover (43)
Who's Online
6 registered (I Want 2 Thrive, Damian1974, iaccus, 3 invisible), 22 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12505 Members
74 Forums
64198 Topics
447997 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#39655 - 07/11/02 11:33 PM I deserve a break today
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
I just want to say thanks to everyone I've met and come to know in the chat room and on the boards. I have to take a break from dealing and healing if that is possible. I'm off my effexor and gonna start something else soon, I think. My therapy doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere but vented, my wife thinks I'm cheating on her through here, my therapist and my men's support group, my parents continue to tell me to get over it, my kids think I'm nuts, I'm having fits of anger and rage where I've been throwing and breaking stuff of no value when there is no one around, I can't deal with my job or my co-workers, my whole body aches, I'm tired, I can't sleep, I have anxiety attacks when my wife confronts me, I feel like I'm going backwards, not forwards. This is not something I can get over, but something I must get through. For now the best way I can cope is to just REPRESS and DENY anything ever happened, and try to get on with a normal functional life. I never felt like this before, and I want to go back to the way life was when I didn't care, remember, give a shit, or use what happened as an excuse for all the fucked up choices I make and have made in my life. I am what I am by my own free will, now I gotta live with the consequences and make my future what I want it to be. So I will deal with my crap later, and keep me and my kids safe.

Again, I have made some good friends, and I wish I could be there for you, and perhaps I will be checking in later. I will miss the chats with Kenf, quimik, arden, hurting, Tomas, UrsoBear and UrsoBear-, Thad 1 through 16, usedtoy, freevoice, Gideon, and of course, Lightfang. Sadly but still of importance, are many others who have come and gone. Hopefully those who don't visit more often are all "healed" eh?

This is gonna be difficult for me. Just knowing that you are all still here, healing with your strength and courage, gives me the same power to get through. I will never forget you and what you've done for me. I can never repay you.

Remember that we have what we need inside of us. When I can't find it, I'll think of you all and how you are closer to finding it, and that it is possible to find without a map, a shovel or hipwaders.

Be well stay well.

be back later.

Orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#39656 - 07/12/02 03:41 AM Re: I deserve a break today
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
I am sorry you are having such a rough time. Your family could be more supportive. Why is it so complicated for people to react appropriately to sexual abuse?

Its okay to go back to the old tactics every once in a while if they arent hurting you or anyone else, but remember to come back. Sometimes, we just have to turn off the tap on our emotions, give ourselves a breath of air. But no matter what, come back to it. Because nothing will ever change until you do.


Top
#39657 - 07/12/02 06:24 AM Re: I deserve a break today
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Soll well spoken Broken some times we just have to step back from all this bull S . I think these last few weeks have been super hard for lot,s of us .
ORODO
Man I just cried a bunch at work tonight when I read your post . Sounds like you and me have been going through a carbon copy .
I had a total melt down over an alter boy joke at my 4 of July party. My brother in law drove the stake through my heart with his rude joke.
I ended up going deeper and deeper into the big D.
Man do whats Right for you but remember we can use your wisdom here. Maybe only cut off one thing at a time.
Try spending less time in the WAR ROOM {chat line } and more time in the front lines [ family life}.
WE are aaall very deep into our own missions to find TRUTH & JUSTICE but we must not forget our LOVE ONES.

So many that come here have no one and it saddens me to think of how lonely they can be and how happy I should be . But still with a great wife & dauther I can at times feel totaly alone,
One Thing that could be a BIG change in your life would be a NEW JOB. Talk with the wife and kids and budget down . Be willing to take a 25% cut in pay put get the F OUT of there if it makes you unhappy. Beat you within 3 months you can make a change,
Finaly Remember the children. If there is any mission that is of the upmost importants it the END of SA upon the CHILDREN. NO one can give us our lfes back but we can have a major impack upon the furture . Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

Top
#39658 - 07/12/02 12:04 PM Re: I deserve a break today
integrator Offline
Member

Registered: 07/05/02
Posts: 107
Loc: New York
Yes, it is a facade. Such a big one that we need to regroup and perhaps develop finesse. I just went through a major consciousness raising bunch of episodes with my own family, which became elevated to an altercation, then felt the grief and mope the whole next day. I spent a good day at the beach intoning about the "soporific dream of monopolistic capitalism" and the hypnotic trance of materialism. All this came after introducing the topic of the Catholic priest thing. All this with my brother, who has read Susan Brownmiller's book Against Our Will. Well, he later confessed that it all made him tired. So, I apologized for my years of unsupported agony. Maybe I was little overbearing and unsympathetic. After all, I can relate to the suffering. Hell, the next day I made unshakeable plans to go to the zoo, and the whole family came along. That didn't end too badly. Good luck and hang in there.


Top
#39659 - 07/12/02 04:06 PM Re: I deserve a break today
Cement Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/05/02
Posts: 740
Loc: Southern California
In my experience, when the eruptions start, that means an important issue is rising to the top, and it is the perfect opportunity to deal with it. Maybe this is the case for you, Orodo?

I will also just repeat what my therapist tells me, which is "if it is just too painful to deal with, then don't deal with it."

So, I offer support to whichever way ypou choose, either to confront or to cool down. Best of luck, you have my best wishes.

_________________________
And let the darkness fear our light.

Top
#39660 - 07/12/02 10:04 PM Re: I deserve a break today
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Orodo
healing is like riding a bicycle, sometimes it's ok to coast down the hills, but remember to brake before the bottom.
Don't be a stranger to us Orodo.

Be strong, be cool and enjoy some of the music you obviously enjoy.
Lloydy \:\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

Top
#39661 - 07/13/02 12:44 AM Re: I deserve a break today
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 990
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Orodo,

You need to do what is best for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers will be with you. I will miss your humor and insight in the chatroom but know you are doing what needs to be done. Be good to your self and love you wife and children.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

Top
#39662 - 07/13/02 11:46 PM Re: I deserve a break today
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Thanks.

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

Top
#39663 - 07/15/02 07:16 PM Re: I deserve a break today
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
Hey muldoon,

did your brother do that delibritaly? That kind of behavior is unacceptable for any one you want to have close in your life. Confront him, tell him your with me against me, and if wont side with you, dump him. It sucks, but you cant get better when the people in your life are helping you repress whats happening. The bs people sometimes put upfront is only skin deep, some people say they will support you but turn around and stab you in the back. You dont have to put up with it from anybody, especially from your family. Its better to be lonely and healing than in good company and withering away.


Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.