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#396528 - 05/08/12 06:08 PM Need some help with anger
Jaden Carver Offline


Registered: 05/04/12
Posts: 1
I was molested between the ages of 9-14. I repressed most of the memories until my brother came out about the abuse several years ago, and as part of the investigation had to revive those experiences through a painful healing process.

Before my brother came out about the man who did it, I had confronted my parents about my childhood circumcision. I was (and continue to be) incredibly angry in regards to the fact that my body was altered without my consent as a minor and have for the last nearly 5 years spent a lot of time, energy and anger venting out my frustrations of having been cut. This may have contributed to my brother deciding to speak up about the molestation.

I assisted law enforcement as much as I could, but made it know that I wasn't interested in testifying in court. I carried a resentment that my brother chose that moment to speak out, right after I had expressed to my family my extreme resentment towards them for cutting my body, and it became an even worse situation for everybody.

As the case came nearer to a close, I was informed that the court may decide to subpoena me for a testimony. It was that point that I decided to take action. I wrote a letter to the prosecutor (ccing my family) that said in summary that I refused to testify so long as male genital cutting was legal in the state, and would plead the 5th in the case of an subpoena.

I personally am significantly more angry that my body was surgically altered at birth than I am about having been molested for 6 years by a 40 year old man, because I can heal from having been molested, I can't regrow my missing body parts.

Is this normal at all for men like me to feel similarly, and what do you suggest can be done to help alleviate my emotional problems. It's been nearly 5 years and every single day I am filled with this rage, and it seems that nothing in this life can alleviate this feeling. I've tried everything. Please help.

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#396569 - 05/09/12 01:49 AM * [Re: Jaden Carver]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 02:10 PM)

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#396621 - 05/09/12 02:52 PM Re: Need some help with anger [Re: Jaden Carver]
Publius Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/12
Posts: 396
Loc: OH
Your anger is justified. Being raped as a child is an indescribably awful thing to do or to have happen to you. As far as intrinsic evils go this takes the cake. After all, there is a reason Dante placed those who betray others in the lowest circle of hell. In the case of CSA the betrayal is physical, emotional, and spiritual. The person being betrayed is simultaneously isolated by their abuse yet not capable of dealing with it on their own at least not in any healthy fashion. This is why most of us spend our childhood surviving and some of our adulthood healing. And you are damn right I am angry about the lost time.

Being an adult citizen means I have certain responsibilities not the least of which is working a job. Jobs require a lot of your time and energy by themselves but often times we have families to care for as well. The thing is I, we, were robbed of a time period in which we were supposed to have an opportunity to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially (not to mention enjoy simple childhood pleasures). So trust me when I tell you I empathize with your anger. I am working on it as I am sure you are but as long as we recognize its source and strive to not allow it to negatively affect our relationships with others (and ourselves actually) then we are making progress.

As far as circumcision goes we are at the very beginning of a paradigm shift on that issue. The first time I ever heard someone speak out against it was three years ago in my senior year at University. As the professor explained his position against male circumcision I thought to myself: "This guy doesn't get it." Turns out I didn't get it. This is one of those few issues (including male CSA) where guys get the short end of the stick as far as societal outcry and social support go. After all, there are not a lot of supporters of female genital mutilation in this country but most people won't bat an eye at the male version. Male circumcision is not reversible (as far as I know) and it directly affects our sexual lives for all time yet no anger. I understand the religious significance of the act for some, but can't that wait until the man is...well...actually a man and not a boy?
_________________________
"Life is like this dark tunnel. You may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place." ~ General Iroh

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