I think that quote is well said. The reason many cannot or will not share compassion and understanding is because they are in denial about the past, including their own. Denial is a powerful defense mechanism to not admit the various forms of denial from responsibility, awareness and impact. Also denial of denial which prevents a person from changing their destructive and hurtful behavior. As CSA survivors we have lived in denial of what happened to us--sometimes admitting to ourselves it was true but then denying it so as not to face the pain and hurt of our abuser. We begin this pattern of denial at the time the abuse began--who would believe us, who would love us, who would show compassion, who would help us? We always presumed no one. So we lived with this truth but not accepting it as truth until we decided to heal. Denial is powerful and can cause us to be self destructive--because we cannot accept the truth as well as our self--because this truth is part of us. The people around us who torment, taunt and do not accept what has happened are living in denial--their denial, like ours will eventually eat at their essence and they too will have to face their own demons and actions. We cannot face it for them.

So take care of yourself first, heal and become stronger because you cannot change those who deny. We are living proof, until we accepted the abuse as real we were stuck.

Thanks, everyone. They weren't really "family" anyway. Denial, hypocrisy, religion seems to go together, doesn't it? Fuck 'em, they weren't worth a shit anyway.

In my experience yes, they often go together.

I kick myself sometimes buying the 'Christian' deal they sell.

I think you have a very logical approach to seeing who would provide support. Sadly, the CSA and its' effects on the survivor can be harmful to the survivor and others around them. In my situation, children were brought too deeply into adult matters by others. They were doing the work of an adult as I was unraveling from triggers inflicted in the home. But to be honest the damage was occurring years before I began to unravel--I was able to keep that part of me in check for so long, but in the end it took control of me as I was subject to continue emotional turmoil and attacks.

Like us when we were abused, a child is too young to understand and process the actions and their sense of self is changed when exposed to matters and emotions beyond their capacity. The child is used and their lives will forever be impacted because of being put into a position that no child should be involved--sexual abuse or adult matters--both beyond the capacity of a child's mind. I have talked to professionals-they see the children's lives will never be the same because they like us as a child are unable to emotionally and mentally understand what is truly happening and are not able to properly process the actions, words, discoveries, expectations. They were expected to act as an adult, but are not adults, in their actions--they will never understand trust, parent child boundaries and always be looking for approval. From groups I have been to I learned from adults who have accepted what they did and sadly learned as their children sought help, the child will have a higher incident of alcohol and drug abuse, failed relationships and forever looking for approval and blessing of the adult who brought the child into adult matters, and will have difficulty trusting. But the child can heal with help and therapy. Like us they are in denial of what has happened around as is the other adults who created the situation.

We have lived it and I am more sensitive to the impact of adult actions since I have learned how the CSA from an adult impacted my life, my emotions, my feelings and denial of a part of me--that only knew abuse and had guilt and shame as though I was responsible for what happened. The mind is amazing and yet so fragile, a child's mind is molded so easily.

So I hope the adults around you realize the impact of their words and actions on children who are unfortunately brought into these situations.

There's more sadness and nuclear-grade disappointment than I can even begin to identify. The abandonment, the unwillingness to discuss and or even make a phone call has painted a very vivid and harsh picture of reality.

I refuse to come-out and scold my family members for their complete lack of support and even acknowledgement. They are big kids now, and are capable of making their own decisions and reactions.

If I feel that if they burn the bridge, I'll toss them some select DVDs.

But yeah...what a vacuous feeling it is to have no support....ANTI-support.

I've been angry a long, long time at my family of origin for allowing what happened to happen, for assigning me the role they assigned me, and for pushing me aside when I started speaking up. Their actions nearly destroyed me. NEARLY.

But I survived.

And as everyone has already so eloquently stated - they're in denial, trying to protect themselves from acknowledging the truth. And the truth is, this type of stuff runs in the family, this disease. I bet many of your family members (like my own) have also been affected by childhood abuse, and in their denying it happened to you, they're still trying to deny it happened to them.

I chose to let go of the anger, because in all my learnings from the various faiths and philosophies (and Oprah) of the world, it became radically apparent that my holding onto the anger was only hurting me and hindering my own recovery.

As long as I was the brave one and stepped out of denial, and became VERY angry, I continued to walk the path using the courage I found to survive my childhood, and decided to let go of my anger, too.

Something feels familiar about that - denial into anger and then ..?

Huh.. what are the 5 stages of grief again?

denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance

I just looked it up. Well look at that!

D

brilliant, Magellan!

I think and feel as if stated non-belief is abandonment. Abandonment is betrayal. Betrayal is heinous and something so many of us become well-versed in from a very early age.

I hate being well versed in that.

Well said, I think survivors like us often see betrayal. It's like we are always on the lookout for it b/c we learned it so young. I've left or sabotaged relationships b/c I saw something someone did as a betrayal and although it may be trivial to a normal person, to me it was unacceptable at the time.