Hi everyone,
I have flashbacks of when I was raped by four older teenagers when I was only 4-5 years old. This went on for a period of time and I was not the only child. My flashbacks have always been silent,that is until last night. The screams of another child my age were heard has he was going through my same fate. In the past I have never heard any noise just silence, but always feel the pain, smell body odor, the stench of an old room and mattress. I have only seen the eyes of this child in my flashbacks. This scream keeps repeating over and over in my head. Will this ever let up?

I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I've posted about my experiences at that age. At some point (I'm not sure when) I suppressed my sense of smell. It is coming back strongly now. I'm enjoying smelling the spring flowers. It's as though I've never smelled them before.

Is it possible that the voice you hear screaming is little you? Do you hear it in dreams?

It's dissociation. We can mentally separate ourselves from what we went through. It diminishes pain and maybe allows us to stay alive.

Puffer

Thanks Puffer,
You bring up a good point with the dissociation. My flashbacks just give me pieces at a time. I just updated a video describing the flashback that has started the sound. The link is below. It is very real,so use caution when watching it. I would be very interested in your feedback after you watch it.

Randy

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So true, so true.

Hi Randy,

As you work though this in therapy, the answer to your question is "yes."

Not only will it "let up," but eventually it will not happen at all.

If you are having these flashbacks during your sleep (whether or not they awaken you) you might want to speak to your doctor about possibly taking something.

It is because of the flashbacks and body memories that would occur during sleep (and then awaken me) that I started taking ativan to help me sleep. I no long have to take it nightly.

Benadryl, if you can take it, is also helpful. Just be aware that as an antihistamine (used in many sleep aids) you can wake up with "cotton mouth" since antihistamines have a drying effect.

Sleep is extremely important to physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. What an irony it is that we get attacked during the period of time that is supposed to be restorative.

While a better night's sleep is not going to make every thing better, a bad night's sleep (or no sleep at all) is guaranteed to make everything worse.




Anomalous

Thanks Anomalous,
Sleep has always been a problem. I take more med's at night for sleep and they only knock me out for a few hours and then I'm awake. Crazy how most med's cause the insomnia. I have only had two flashback's in my sleep and I have woke up in a corner both times with a nurse calling my name. One at the gym. I had told my friends at the gym well before just to be safe, never thought it would happen and it scared the heck out of me when I came out of it. That was one of my most safest places to be. Now I know they can happen anywhere and have speed dials set up on my phone for safety. I know my limits now and don't put myself in situations that I can't tolerate. I am so glad to hear you say these will get better. The sound has added a whole new fear to them now.
Thank you for the encouraging words,
Randy

My Experence with tme memories of being Raped . is that I get little pieces of the yhe event at a time.
I was Raped while serving in the US Army. This happened in a hotel room in Houston TX. in 1977.
At first I trird to report this . But I just got a lot of shit. The harder I tried the more crap I got.
So I just tried to just soldger on the best I could . And put this in the past.
Your Mind has a way of supresing meories. Until a time that we are ready to deal with them. I have slowley been able to put together the facts of what happened in that room.
To me I wish that I did not have such a clear Picture of what happened.

Michael, I am so sorry you had that happen. It has been a wild ride of life for sure. We will make it my friend. I just wasn't prepared for the sound and I am constantly thinking about the next one and the sound of the screams keep repeating.
Randy

I'm curious of other flashback experiences and repressed memories. Any loss of sences?
Randy