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#395618 - 04/30/12 03:59 PM New Experience Along the Healing Journey
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1895
Yesterday I was at the Race to End the Silence (an 8K and 5K run)--in support of Stop CSA Org in Washington DC. It was a different setting for me and I must admit I was apprehensive at first. I have been in more controlled environments when I am discussing my CSA--therapist, support groups, here and small group of caring supporters. But yesterday I was in a public area--I had thoughts of who I would see, would anyone know me and how would I react when asked survivor or supporter. I had volunteered to help at the event, but had second thoughts as I approached. I approached with trepidation. Head was down as I moved toward the area for which I was to assist. The number of volunteers was overwhelming--so little for anyone to do. It allowed me to talk-I talked to supporters, spouses, children and friends of survivors, and survivors. The first time I was asked what brought me here-I froze but the words slowly came out--I am a survivor. Some gave me a hug, others a handshake or just a smile, others asked how I was doing. As I talked to people I was able to say I was a survivor and no one made me feel uncomfortable. I heard people say they were here to honor someone who had been lost to CSA--a brother, sister, father, mother or friend--others had regrets that they had not been there when the survivor was alive. Others were always with the survivor. I did not have the shame or fear of being hurt or attacked-which ran through my mind.

I did not regress nor did it scare me to become more involved in trying to help others who have sadly been victimized by CSA. I feel this public admission has helped me greatly and the prior nights lost sleep due to fear was unwarranted--but I did not know. Did I see anyone I knew, yes a few face acquaintances from work situations. I talked to two of them, one was there for his father who was a victim and took his own life and the other a victim himself. I guess you never know who the one in six will be in the room.

Now where do I go next on this journey to healing? I know I want to continue to heal and will like to help others. For some many helped me to heal and accept the CSA.

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#395622 - 04/30/12 04:20 PM Re: New Experience Along the Healing Journey [Re: KMCINVA]
Gmone Offline


Registered: 03/14/12
Posts: 23
Loc: NC
VERY well put. I know you described exactly how so many of us would also feel.

You are VERY brave! It took tremendous courage to publicly acknowledge that you are a survivor! This single step must have moved you light-years ahead in your recovery.

Thank you for your courage. I hope to some day emulate you.
_________________________
Working hard towards change. There...my first positive, personal affirmation in 52 years!

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#395639 - 04/30/12 09:11 PM Re: New Experience Along the Healing Journey [Re: KMCINVA]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi KMCINVA,

I'm presently trying to get the courage to start a support group up here. There apparently is one but I've heard that their wait list is very long.

I did manage to go see a representative with our provincial Department of Health a few months ago and am now doing up a letter to see if there is anything new comming up.

I can only admire you for what you done going out in the public like you did. I can only imagine what you went through waiting to see what would happen. Very Well Done
_________________________
I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#395682 - 05/01/12 05:22 AM Re: New Experience Along the Healing Journey [Re: KMCINVA]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
AWESOME!

KMC - you ROCK, man!!!

Lee
_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#395973 - 05/03/12 05:40 PM Re: New Experience Along the Healing Journey [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1895
Thanks everyone. I must say I feel better and freer. I must admit the days prior to going to the event I was nervous--questioning why did I volunteer, who would be there, how would I explain why I was there. As I walked to the site, I had thoughts of turning around. For me it was a challenge and in the end I believe it helped me to better accept everything that happened, I could talk to people and say survivor. I never thought I would be able to do it. My T today believes it is a turning point for me--to be able to talk about it outside a structured environment--but he also said I have been moving on this path to talk about the abuse--first when I opened up with him, joining SNAP and talking about it there, joining MS and writing and having your support and the second support group I joined several months ago--he believes it was just a progression. I have to thank everyone here-because you are a big part of making me feel safe and understanding what I, like you, have gone through and continue to experience.

After the way my T described it today--healing is truly a journey--ups and downs--and learning who you are and most importantly you have no shame or guilt for the abuse--it is the abusers shame and not yours.

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#396006 - 05/03/12 11:07 PM Re: New Experience Along the Healing Journey [Re: KMCINVA]
RollerCoaster Offline


Registered: 10/23/11
Posts: 47
Loc: PA, USA
KMCINVA,

I am really really proud of you man. You deserve to feel the joy and freedom you have in right now. Many thanks for sharing your experience!!

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