I didn't know there were secret doors
I didn't know I could stop it
I didn't know for a long time that it wasn't normal
I didn't know it was not my fault
I didn't know I didnt deserve this
I didn't know I could have told other adults about it
I didn't know most adults aren't like my parents and co
I didn't know it shouldn't have been my job to protect my brother
I didn't know how to be a child, and just that, a child
I didn't know it wasn't something I have to be ashamed off
I didn't know it was wrong and illegal
I didn't know I wasn't protecting us by keeping quiet
I didn't know it would mess me up this much later in life

Wow. I stumbled upon this topic. Surprised that it was started in 95'. I was still a pre-teen then

I didn't know what was going on.
I didn't know how to feel.
I didn't know how to react.
I didn't know who to tell.
I didn't know that it wasn't normal.
I didn't know I would be blamed for it.
I didn't know he would he would punish me for it.
I didn't know I could be filled with intense hatred for him.
I didn't know it had happened to others.
I didn't know that it could have been prevented.
I didn't know it was abuse.

The abuse was a cycle in my family. None of the "adults" did anything about it. They were ashamed and the cycle continued. Pride before the fall.

I did'nt know, I was just an object for their pleasure.
I did'nt know, I could refuse if i had wanted.
I did'nt know, everything would be different because of this.
I did'nt know, they never truly loved me,
I did'nt know, how far gone they must've truly been.
I did'nt know, how strong i was, until I faced my darkest demon.
I did'nt know, I was'nt the only one,
I did'nt know, I deserved more than they could ever give.
Thanks guys.
Love n peace.
Most of all, Respect.

thanks larry, this was a good thing.

i didnt know what grooming was

didnt know what was to come

didnt know that i needed a surrogate father

didnt know that i was a toy

didnt know that it wasnt love

didnt know what real love was

didnt know that my innocence would be lost

didnt know what innocence was

didnt know what i would miss

didnt know that it would affect me forever

didnt know all good 'feelings'

didnt know that it would prevent me from having a healthy sexual outlook and life

didnt know that it would eventually cause pain, shame and guilt

didnt know that i would be a pawn in many peoples sick games

didnt know didnt know didnt know didnt fucking know a lot of shit it would cause and prevent and do to me

now i 'know'

peace to us all, hard won and little by little, i love you guys!

paul

Dittto to all of the above!

I didnt know I could and should have told my hungover mother more than once (wish it had been when she had sobered up) and/or an older sibling/father what had happened the first time.

I didn't know that because I had a sexual response it didn't mean I was giving my permission.

I didn't know that when I started by saying "no", then got quiet, that it didn't mean I was saying "yes".

I didn't know - as strange as it may seem even at 13 - that it was sex.

And I didn't know that such a wonderful thread existed. Thanks, Roadrunner!

Missing you Liri (page 9). I wish I knew what would save you...

I didn't know Liri but found that his birthday was yesterday, very sad story , here is comment by his cousin starving.soul at the atbottom of the page:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=324325&page=5

I didn't know:
-my brothers and sisters could care so little
-my sister would sexually abuse me
-my parents could hit so hard, and bruise my heart so completely
-I could feel so utterly destroyed
-I could trade my eternal soul for a kind word
-the connection I craved was almost extinct
-abusers do not stop until they want to
-my parents would love my abuser more than me
-I would forget the good times I had as a child, a young adult, and through my adult life. That I would sacrifice my memory of all good things to make sure I would never be abused again.
-this would hurt so much after all this time... and recovery

-that I would find such fierce compassion and loyalty as I have found here with MaleSurvivor, men and woman who would show me how important I was to them, and eventually to me.
-that I could enjoy life, work, family and spirituality
-that I would giggle, yes giggle in my safe places,
-that I could laugh at myself
-that I could be better for my children than I was treated as a child.

Thank you, thank you so much for this post, these replies, and your beautiful hearts. All of your beautiful thoughts, fears and courage are in me, I am with you.

Sam

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