ok, so i moved again and yes after i had just moved.. I feel quite strange being here in the new place which is temporary. I am staying with my oldest brother and his family right now until i find a place for my son and I. I am going to check a few out tomorrow/today. But i won't rush it either just bc i am feeling strange being in my brother's house. I at least have my own room with bathroom...My son will bunk with me until i get my own place which doesn't bother me at all since considering most if not all nights he climbs in the bed anyways.. It was a long drive despite i got here earlier than i though bc i drove faster... yeah i will need a new therapist but my brother's said she will take me on so i guess that is a check.. My son's school and doc are both checks as well since he will go to the ones my nephews and niece go to. My doctor is a check for now since my oldest is gunna hook me up with his doctor, family history there so it shouldn't be too bad..
to be honest, I hope this move will be my last for a while and i can focus on me and my son now. I've made a lot of major mistakes in the past few days. I own up to it and i know i needed the move even if i didn't want to go. I just hope its right decision.. its not like i had much choice in the matter either. I know i needed to move and besides i had the ultimatum from both brothers. Either i move with Matt (oldest) and start to work on dealing with the past and all my problems or they'd sign my butt in for treatment and i wouldn't see my kiddo till i came out. Being almost 19 i don't know if they could but i am sure they would have found a way to do it. I knew they meant it so here i am... i hope i get a break soon... i still got my one foot lifted up ready to run... i'd like both feet to be planted... if not for me least for my son then..

Jayy

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Jayy, Be the Dragon, for YOU and your SON.

Use your instincts and follow your hunches. Seems you have choices; either stay with your older brother or seek out a new place...be wise and use your gut instinct when/if you check out and possibly choose to move to a new place in the area.

I hope and pray you and your son get situated and I'm glad you have professionals helping you cope with things. I am a CSA and I haven't seen a therapist in many many years (I finally called one for myself, whew). My gut tells me you and your brothers would benefit from seeing a therapist together...I don't really know because I'm not a therapist, but perhaps things work out the way they should...maybe you were driven there for a good reason.

I betcha smalltown80'sboy will be coming along soon to post here. Also,if you should come to chat and visit us other SURVIVORS there sometime I think you would like it. I don't have kids but there are other dads there and you can chat with them in private. Plus smalltown80'sboy is there a lot, you can chat him up too.

Hang in there Jayy...be the DRAGON. Be safe you and your son.

They call me Human, but my real name is Kurt.

Hi Dragon,

Yes, I am dropping the "wounded" part of your name.

Though you may have been wouned in the past, you are showing how strong a person you are.

Moving stinks, espeically when you have done it several times in as many days. But your latest moves have been moves in the right direction. You are moving out of unhealthy environments into safer environments. Now that you are physically safe you can start to address your medical and emotional issues.

Even though you are 19, your brothers could have found a way to commit you, even if it was for a 48 hour hold. Doing this voluntarily is much better than having yourself dragged to a mental hospital. I used to work at one.

I know you feel awkward being at your brother's, but take a little time to catch your breath and get your medical status stabilized. You cannot help yourself if you are not physically well, nor can you adequately look after your son if you are so weak you are on the verge of passing out.

If you are up to it, come into chat for support and friendship. Even if you don't have anything to say, being around guys who "get it" can be uplifting. The discussions in chat aren't always about abuse, nor do they have to be. Talk about anything that is on your mind. Being with others helps to alleviate the isolation and depression.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone). If you would like information about the latter, please contact Mike13.

Again, there is no pressure to participate in the Healing Circle, you can come and observe. If you feel like participating, great. If not, that is good, too. Everything here is at your pace and your comfort level.

I am glad you are in a safe place and that you have supportive brothers (and your sister-in-law).

Be gentle and kind to yourself.




Anomalous

yeah i just hope i chose the right path to be with them

yes i for sure will take time and be wise about the next move.. I looked at a couple today and didn't like them.. I either didn't like the place, or didn't like the area.. Oh well, outta place here anyways so why not stay till something comes along...

I start my therapy single here in two weeks. I may not like going to see her being i hate sitting there in an office on a couch and delving my utter past shyt to people that is just there saying, "yes, n how'd u feel, do you feel this?" yada yada yada yada.... Our group therapy sessions start in two weeks also... Though for now it will be just me and Matt until Jeremy can join us.

I will try to be that Dragon best i can...
chat... i could try it.. I may show n sit knowing me though..
ty very much

yes, i figured where they had the will there would've been a way for them to ultimately come through on what they meant. I knew they meant it and i sure didn't know what they'd try to use to get me there but i knew i might as well just agree to move in with my oldest brother because i at least would have my son.. I can't leave him for a second. I guess i am over protecting him but for now its peace of mind for me for sure...

i will try to make it to chat sometime...

yes safer place for sure and supportive, though generally i feel they are WAY over protective of me and feel like a child around them....

TY again

*

gary,
yes 19 and facing it and with my kid.. but also running from it with the kiddo too. I am getting help because i want to but also i am being forced to. I'd do anything with them threatening to take my son away. I try my best taking care of him and make mistakes but i guess thats human nature right? but with my oldest brother threatening to take him for good (he really isn't playing) but supporting me and pushing me towards getting the help i am.. I am reluctant but will go...
and ty much..
((((HUGS))))
Jayy

Hi Dragon,

You don't have to "try to be that dragon the best you can." You are already a great dragon.

I know you don't like being forced to do anything, none of us do. But I hope you see that your brothers want you to be healthy and happy. They want you to succeed. So do we. And I know you want to be there in every way possible for your son now, and throughout his life.

Sitting and observing, whether in chat or Healing Circle is fine. The only thing you need to do other than show up, is to let someone know if you are feeling triggered so that we may help. We don't like guys feeling triggered and then going away to be alone with their pain.

Take your time as you look for your new place. You want a place that not only suits you now, but for some time to come. It will be nice to stay put for a while rather than having to pack again.

I am happy to hear you will be starting therapy soon. Perhaps one of the things you can mention to your brothers is your feeling like a child around them. They may not realize they are treating you like a child rather than the adult you are.

You have a lot to handle and you are doing a great job. Take a few moments to realize your accomplishments.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.






Anomalous