Earlier today I said something really horrible to someone who I honestly care about very much. We're all human and we all do things that we regret. The problem is I do this sort of thing BECAUSE I care. My friend was in a really bad place and really needed me to be there for support. I felt like I couldn't help, couldn't do enough. I felt vulnerable and helpless because I didn't know what to do. So I said something nasty.

I have a problem. I always do this. I'm really beginning to worry I'm just a mean, nasty person. The problem with having a sharp tongue is it cuts both ways. It's always the people I care about that I do this to. I can't stop pushing them away. I don't want to be like this anymore.

Please, if anyone has any advice on how to stop doing this, share. It would mean a lot to me.

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Hi LuckyOne,

As Robbie stated, if you were a nasty person you wouldn't care that you were hurting others. The fact that you care, and that you are upset when you hurt those you love, tells us that you are not a mean person at heart.

Fear is one of many reasons why you may say things in a manner you later regret. Not having had a voice or the ability to change your circumstances when you were being abused is another.

You want those about whom you care to take action, and you are frustrated and angry when they do not do what seems so obvious to you. Your hypersenstivity to their inaction or indifference is triggering you.

I hope you are seeing a therapist. Working through your pain will help you be less reactive to those around you. This does not mean that you will stop caring. It means that you won't be triggered by their choices.

It can be infuriating when I see someone not do what seems to be so obvious. Yet they continue to complain about a situation that is within their ability to change. Sometimes you have to step back and realize, regardless how painful it is, that you can't save people from themselves. They have to make the decision to change.

I know you are upset with yourself, I hear it in your words.

You are a good person who only wants good for others. If you didn't care so much you wouldn't get so upset.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.





Anomalous

I lash out as well, usually in the form of brutal honesty. I'm not really sure the best way to stop. This may be way off, but could it be a fear of abandonment, so you push them away first so they can't leave b/c you already have? You may want to try going to a therapist if possible.

I am upset with myself. I'm very upset with myself. It was one of those things that the second the words were out of my mouth I wanted to snatch them back but obviously it was too late for that. Just seeing how I hurt him was so painful. I don't want to do that to him ever again.

I did make an appointment to see one of the counselor's at the crisis center here on my campus. I'm not sure what I'll say. I'll figure it out though.

Thanks for all the support guys.

When others cross boundary lines, we often experience a rising sense of discofort and anger.