I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight.
Jeremiah 9:24

God delights in kindness, justice and righteousness. None of this is easy for us to believe.

Kindness is difficult for some of us to imagine because we do not have extensive personal experience with kindness. We can imagine God as a weak, codependent, ineffective being whose specialty is being relentlessly nice to people. But what of the God who exercises kindness? What would that look like?

Justice is difficult for some of us to imagine because we have not had extensive personal experience with justice. In dysfunctional families justice is either chaotic or completely absent. But what of the God who exercises justice? What would that look like?

Righteousness is difficult for some of us to imagine because we have not had extensive personal experience with righteousness. We do not have instincts for doing what is right, we do not delight in doing righteousness, we expect it to be boring, dreary and out-of-date. We may delight in caretaking and codependent niceness, but is that the same as delighting in righteousness? Probably not. So, what of the God who exercises righteousness. What would that look like?

God is capable of delight. God is not the Unmoved One. God is the Most Moved of us all. God's compassion and kindness are free and full. God's commitment to justice is beyond all our imaginations. God pursues righteousness.

Learning to share in God's struggle for kindness, justice and righteousness will require significant changes for us. It cannot be done in a one time event. It will be a life-time quest. We will forget and remember again. We will run away and come back again. But each day in the struggle we will grow in our capacity for delight. Until, in the end, when God's purposes are complete, we will be filled with delight at the triumph of God's kindness, justice and righteousness

God of kindness, I want to understand you better.
God of justice, I want to live in solidarity with you.
God of righteousness, help me to delight in what pleases you.
Increase my capacity for delight, Lord.
Let me discover you afresh today.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

They tell how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God
1 Thessalonians 1:9

It is remarkably easy for us to grow accustomed to false gods. We can develop a bizarre security in trying to please a god-who-will-not-be-pleased. We persist in the belief that if we keep trying, and keep working and keep attempting to control ourselves, we may finally be acceptable to our idol-god. But the trying and working and attempting to control never seem to work. Instead, we find ourselves re-enacting old family dramas. We find ourselves ever more deeply entrenched in shame, blame, rejection and self-loathing.

A remarkable thing can happen when we turn from our idols, from our false little gods, to serve the living and true God. It doesn't happen all at once. But gradually we unclench our tight fists. We open our closed hearts. We take in light. We take in love. It is like coming outside after being in a small, dark room. We walk outside and feel overwhelmed by the richness of the sky and land around us. We thought God was small and dreary. And we discover instead vastness and warmth.

The call to turn from our idols to the living and true God is a daily call. The old, idol-gods will draw us back. We need to leave them over and over again. We need to turn again and again to the God who seeks to liberate us from their bondage.

I turn to you again today, God.
You are the Living and True God.
I leave my idol-gods again today.
I renounce the god-of-impossible expectations.
He is not God.
I renounce the god-who-is-eager-to-punish.
He is not God.
I renounce the god-who-keeps-his-distance.
He is not God.
I turn myself again today to you,
Living and True God.
I turn myself to you.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
Ephesians 1:17

Paul kept asking God that his friends would be able to know God better. He clearly did not think of the Christian life as a one-time event. This text assumes that to become a Christian is to enter a lifetime process of learning to see and know God better.

The two things needed for this process are wisdom and revelation. Wisdom is something internal. During recovery the Spirit works within us to make us wise. This involves weeding out all of the distorted ideas and distorted thinking processes which supported our denial system. The Spirit is capable of removing our 'stinking thinking' and making us wise. The second thing we need in the recovery process is revelation. Revelation is external to us - it is God's self-disclosure to us. Without an external frame of reference, we are perfectly capable of creating a reality of our own choosing. Our denial is capable of creating a comprehensive alternate reality with no external checks or balances. During recovery, the Spirit works to reveal to us what is true, what is real. As a result we gradually learn that there is a reality beyond our pretense and denial.

The purposes of the Spirit's work is to help us grow in our capacity to know God. The goal is not just knowing lots of facts about God. To know a person is to share life with that person. It is a quest of the heart. As our wounded hearts are changed, we will be empowered to know God better.

I need wisdom. Lord.
Help me to be wise.
I need revelation, Lord.
Show me.
Let me see.
Spirit of Wisdom
Spirit of Revelation
Fill my heart today
So that I may
know you better.
Amen

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. . .and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.
Luke 2:12, 18

Some people think of God as a monster. Others think of God as the bully-in-the-sky. Others think of God as remote and abstract. These images come readily to us. We would not find it difficult to invent these gods. We are not amazed by them.

Like those who heard the shepherd's report, however, we stand amazed at the Christian Image. The image of a vulnerable God, a God-in-human-flesh, does not come readily to us. Who would have ever invented this God who comes as an infant? Who would have ever dared to think such a thing of God? But this is The Story, The Image. Christians have always insisted that the central drama of the history of this planet is centered on this God-who-comes-as-an-infant.

Things have not changed since the shepherds shared the amazing news. Being a Christian still involves staying open to the possibility that God will surprise us today. Just as God surprised the shepherds that day, so God may surprise us today.

Staying open to the possibility that God will surprise us with good things is not easy for people like us who find it easier to expect bad things. But God surprises us again and again with good things. The same God who came as a baby, wrapped up, lying in a feeding trough continues to surprise us.

What a surprise you are, God!
I expected monster, bully, distant abstraction.
What a surprise you are, Infant-God!
Help me this day to be open to your surprising grace.
Help me this day to be open to your surprising love.
Help me this day to hope in you.
Help me to allow my deep longings for you to awaken.
So that I will not miss your surprises.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
1 Corinthians 13:12

As we open ourselves to see and know God in new ways, we will need to guard against using our relationship with God as a new arena for expressing our perfectionism. We cannot now see God except in a 'poor reflection'. We cannot perfectly know God. We are not yet face to face with God. We see partially. We know partially. There is much that remains a mystery to us.

It is not easy for us to live with partial vision. It is difficult to tolerate the ambiguities and unknowns. Sometimes the imperfections in our understanding of God make us anxious. We feel that God expects more of us than that. We feel that we should have answers to every conceivable question, that we should never experience doubts, that we should have clarity at all times.

But this text makes it clear that 20:20 vision is not a realistic expectation in our relationship with God. Perfection is not an option for us. Accepting limits in our capacity to see and know God is part of getting to know God better.

The list of things I don't understand goes on and on, Lord.
What I don't know makes me anxious.
I am afraid of my doubts.
I want to see and know you so well that I no longer experience doubt.
I want to understand things so thoroughly, that I no longer experience anxiety.
But I cannot see you face to face. I only see and know in part.
Help me, Lord,
to find a way to live with uncertainty,
with doubts,
with anxiety.
Help me to embrace what you have revealed of your love and goodness.
And to live in anticipation of one day knowing you more fully.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.
1 John 3:2-3

Christians do not believe about life that 'what you see is what you get'. Quite to the contrary, Christians believe that many things we cannot now see are still part of God's plans for us. Some days we cannot see (or maybe even imagine) what it would be like to be completely recovered. But we know that this is God's plan for us. God is committed to our full recovery. As this text puts it, God will not be done with us until we are 'like him'. That is as 'recovered' as you can get.

The clarity of God's plan for us can give us hope. It may be a difficult journey, but you can get somewhere from here. We can make it because God is involved in the process of our transformation. This hope can give us a kind of purity of purpose and vision. Because God is committed to our full recovery, we are not alone with our hopes and dreams. Because God is committed to our full recovery, we have a power greater than our own to help with the struggle. Because God is committed to our full recovery, we can find rest and courage in the purity of God's vision for us.

Because God is committed to our full recovery, we can let go of our pathetic little idol gods and turn to the true and living God. When we worshipped a god-of-impossible-expectations, we became driven and compulsive. When we worshipped a god-who-abused, we became fearful and frozen. When we worshipped a god-who-keeps-his-distance, we fought despair. As we begin to see God as loving, we come to believe that we are lovable. As we begin to see that God wants us to let go of our self-destructive behaviors in order to live more fully, we come to believe that we are precious and valuable.

What I see, Lord,
is not always a very pretty picture.
I long for you to appear.
If you enter the picture, everything changes.
Seeing you changes everything
because I know that when I see you,
I am changed.
Seeing you transforms me.
Sink this hope deep within me, Lord.
Purify me with this hope.
Thank you.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 11:19

God promises us a heart transplant. God promises to change us. Our stone hearts will be removed and in their place will be put a heart of flesh.

A heart of stone is a dead heart. It is closed to honest, intimate relationships. A heart of stone is unmerciful with itself and with others. But we do become attached to our hearts of stone. And we find ourselves fearing God's promised transplant. Our stone hearts have one thing in their favor - they allow us to feel strong and to appear strong to others. A stone heart is a protected heart. It seems invulnerable. You cannot wound a heart of stone.

God's offer of a heart transplant is a promise of life. A heart of flesh is alive. Only a flesh heart can feel joy. Only a flesh heart can celebrate. Only a heart of flesh can give and receive love. But, the vulnerability of a heart of flesh scares us. A flesh heart does not seem as well protected as a heart of stone. It can feel joy, but it can also feel pain. You can wound a heart of flesh.

God promises to change us. God will remove our hearts of stone and give us hearts of flesh.

I like the safety of my stone heart, Lord.
But it is hard, cold, dead.
It is a heartless heart, bloodless, lifeless.
Remove it from me.
I want a heart of flesh, Lord.
I want life.
But I am afraid.
Give me the courage to say 'yes'
to your promise of life today.
Remove my heart of stone and
give me a heart of flesh.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to him, 'If your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.'
Exodus 33:14-15

God promised to be with Moses and to provide him with rest. But no doubt other people had made promises to Moses that were like God's promise. People had promised to be with him but had later abandoned him. So, Moses' fears were not completely vanquished when God promised to be present and to provide rest.

We are like Moses. We are facing a difficult journey. If God goes on ahead and waits for us at the destination, we will never make it. We need God to make the journey with us. We will need God every day. If God does not come, it would better not to go. The dangers are too great. The pain, too overwhelming. We will surely lose our way unless God comes as our guide.

Moses' prayer to God is a good model for us. It is not a sign of doubt or faithlessness to pray for what we need, even if our needs are things which God has already promised to provide. Praying for what we need is good communication. If we are afraid that God will not be faithful, we can share this with God. God will not be shocked. God will not punish. God understands that our capacity for trust has been damaged.

Honestly communicating our fears to God, will build our capacity for trusting God's promises. God has promised to be present with us. And God has promised to provide rest. We will need both to survive the transitions and changes that come with recovery.

Thank you, Lord, for the promise of your presence today.
If you will not go with me,
please don't send me.
Because I can't make it on my own.
The journey is a difficult one.
The path leads through deep valleys.
And, I am sure to lose my way
without your presence to comfort and guide.
Help me to rest today in your promises.
Help me to rest in your loving presence.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will
not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed
says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
Isaiah 54:10

Mountains shake. Hills are removed. That's how it feels sometimes during the process of recovery. Our lives seem to be in constant upheaval as we change and stretch and grow. In the midst of these changes, the Lord has compassion on us. God's love and commitment are reaffirmed. We may feel shaken. We may change. Things may look different. But we can count on God's love. It is unfailing love - love that cannot be shaken.

God's promise of unfailing love for us and God's covenant of peace with us can provide the safety we need today. In the storm of change that recovery brings, God's love provides an anchor of safety and security. God's love can provide a peace and serenity that will not be removed.

Lord, I am shaken.
down to my foundations.
Sometimes I am afraid
of all the changes.
Will anything remain?
Will there be enough left to build on?
I need a foundation for my life, Lord.

For your love, Lord,
love that cannot be shaken,
I give you thanks.
For your covenant of peace, Lord,
peace that will not be removed,
I give you thanks.
Help me to build on the foundation
of your love and peace
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
Isaiah 54:4

Experiences of shame lead to fear. When shame causes us to be afraid we make extra efforts to protect ourselves against future experiences of shame. We try hard, for example, to look good. We focus on controlling external appearances. We also try hard to anesthetize our feelings because of our fear of shame. We focus on controlling our feelings so that other people won't get to know us. If they did they might discover the shame we are trying to hide. In this way shame traps us in a cycle of fear and emotional numbing and covering up.

But if we hide our shame, it can never be healed. Our shame heals when we reveal our inner being to people who accept us rather than shame us. This is not an easy process for us because we expect to be shamed. We do not expect to be accepted.

What a remarkably grace-full experience it is when God says "you don't need to be afraid, you will not suffer shame." We can open our hearts to God and find acceptance rather than shaming. God sees our fear. God knows that we want to run and hide. But it is God's desire to heal our deep wound of shame. "You don't have to be afraid," God says to us, "you will not suffer shame or disgrace or humiliation with me."

I have experienced so much shame, Lord.
So much disgrace.
So much humiliation.
Sometimes I want to hide myself from life.
And sometimes I want to numb myself to life.
Sometimes I want to disappear completely.

Thank you for your promise.
It calms my fears and helps me to stop hiding.
It helps me to stop covering up.
Thank you that I can open my heart to you and not suffer shame.
Thank you for the people in my life who accept me and do not shame me.
Protect me, Lord, from shame.
Amen.

Copyright Dale and Juanita Ryan