Some people say there is a bit of truth in even the most absurd thoughts.

Is it possible you are a bit stuck at a certain place in your recovery? Is is possible that your growth and forward momentum have stalled?

Respectfully-
herowannabe

Female CSA survivor here. That couldn't have been an easy thing to hear. She should know that quitting and walking away never solves anything (not in the long term), AND that one person (survivor or not) can never tell another survivor how to heal.

She probably knows this, but she is human and she probably also feels frustrated and helpless. She may want so badly for you to feel better that she is grasping at anything you could do "better" or "different" to move forward. Probably as a way of diverting the helplessness SHE feels in not being able to help you. She must accept this powerlessness. It's hard when we love someone to "let go" and watch the organic process unfold on its own timeline. If she's at a different place in healing she may actually have temporarily forgotten just how impossible it is to force movement when we are in certain places processing certain things.

Also perhaps she feels a bit alone and neglected. Healing is its own world and we get buried in it which is totally understandable but every now and then maybe some reconnection as a couple and a small break from healing stuff to do something fun together can ensure a healthy balance?

One other thing - regarding her comment about "feeling like a victim," I know that for me personally I NEEDED to feel like a victim in order to heal -I had to acknowledge that what I had experienced was indeed abuse, to accept that I had wounds in need of repair, and to feel and release the justified anger that I had been holding inside. I recall my husband making a comment at that time, "When are you going to stop wallowing in it?" Yes it hurt. But I think he must have just been expressing his own frustration, confusion and helplessness. Nothing he could have done could have sped it up, and frankly nothing I could have done would have either.

As hard as it was to hear, try to remember that she loves you and she hurts when you hurt, it was a comment made out of frustration, and doesn't mean that she doesn't support you. She just wants you to feel better and for you both to be ok.

Don't know if this will help or not -

when i was first in therapy, the stuff that started surfacing was all new information to both my wife and me - i felt like i was a stranger to myself and she felt like she had been living with someone she didn't even know.

therapy was expensive, slow, and time-and-energy-consuming for both of us. it was so painful and grueling that i didn't want to re-hash every session with her. plus i was afraid of her reactions to some of the ugly shameful memories i'd recovered. if i shared too little, she felt left out and if i shared too much, i was afraid of scaring her or casuing her to reject me.

several months in, we got to the point where she she couldn't take the uncertainty and ambiguity and feelings of being excluded and un-involved in the process - as well as a lack of measurable progress. she really wanted me to stop. though i was sure i needed to stay in therapy, i needed her more.

at one point, after a period of stalemate, we both made a momentous decision. i told her that i was willing to stop seeing the therapist if it would make her happy and improve our relationship. at the same time, she was telling me that she was willing to give up anything that would make me well - and if it meant my continuing with therapy - that was what she wanted me to do. it reminded me of O Henry's story - "The Gifts of the Magi." it was such an incredible demonstration of love - from both sides. one of my most cherished - though bittersweet - memories.

so - not sayin that's what you should do...
but for me it was not the end of the story.

hope you can work out a solution that will be good for both of you.
Lee

well, thanx everyone for your input. i told her what impact her words had on me - i doubt she'll do it again. at least not the same way.