fast forward 10 months: i called him. he called back with such happiness & excitement in his voice. when we spoke he apologized for 'last year'. he said he was 'confused' & did only what he knew what to do - go away. he said he had so much to say to me. he said he missed me & could not, not think of me. he invited me to see him. we met & spent the whole day together. glorious. when we said goodbye he kissed me & held me close & tightly. we made plans to meet again. he called a few days later & has now done another vanishing act.
Hi Eos17 and welcome to MS!
I shall preface this with a bit about me, so you will know that my words come from a peer who's logged about as many miles as you: I am a 51 year old married woman, whose husband is a survivor. I am a mother and step-mother of seven grown children, grandmother of six, and with great shame admit to having two failed marriages before marrying my beloved at the age of 39.
Been there. Done that.
Sweet soul, there is nothing in your post that indicates an iota of sincerity on this man's part. His past abuse is relevant to where you are with him only because his disclosure is so off-the-charts atypical.
It takes the vast majority of survivors AGES and therapy to disclose abuse to those who love them most- if they ever do! The rest of that population is usually "forced" to disclosure after having wreaked destruction in their own lives and in the lives of those around them with addictive and compulsive behaviors, depression and suicide attempts, mental disorders such as multiple personalities (DID), etc. Disclosure isn't something a healthy and recovered survivor pops off with on a first date. This is a warning sign. Heed it!
He is not demonstrating healthy boundaries. Giving it all up on a silver platter immediately following, "Hello. Nice to meet you", is not healthy behavior. Falling off of the face of the earth immediately thereafter has red flags flapping in the breeze.
You, too, demonstrate unhealthy boundaries in continuing to reengage someone who does not take the initiative to continue a relationship with you. He does not take the initiative because he is unavailable. Believe what he is telling you!!! I am alarmed that he complied with your attempts to reengage him then repeated the same behaviors and disappeared again.
Warning Will Robinson! Warning!
Please believe what your head is telling you: FLEE! You don't love a real person; you love what you want this person to be. He is not available to you for a reason. Accept that disappointment, try to ascertain what in you needs filled, then go fill that need with healthy people who are available to enhance your life- not drain it.
I might suggest you Google "sex and love addiction". You may find some insight in any of the very good books available on this topic.
I am sorry for your heavy heart.
Wishing you peace, wisdom and true, healthy love-