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#39451 - 04/20/05 12:41 AM Support
Malidin41 Offline
Member

Registered: 07/01/04
Posts: 140
Loc: Utah
If you can't find support hear where can you find support? I have been apart of this discussion board for awhile but I have not posted much becuase of the many people hear who have torn me down. I have made two posts hear that have been very much apart of my struggels. They are my questions, my confusions, my deep overwhelming heartache. But all I seem to get in return by posting my heart is negitivity and the familiar hatered. Why am I not welcome to post and recieve understanding and compation? Why am I turned away? Why am I banished???????? I feel like an idiot for posting this message. But for some reason I just have to know why I have been met with such hostility. I don't blame you if you do not read this. Anyways I have to go.

_________________________
Mother of the kingdom of silence I have obeyed you long enough!!!

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#39452 - 04/20/05 04:27 AM Re: Support
Brandon61 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 04/06/05
Posts: 28
I'm sorry you've had a bad experience here. I've read some your post and you have really laid bare some of your issues. You've also helped some who posted replies, and perhaps an untold number of guests.
Hang in there.


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#39453 - 04/21/05 06:44 PM Re: Support
lostcowboy Offline
Member

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 797
Loc: North Texas
Hello Malidin41, could you point me to the posts where you think this is happening? I have been reading your old postings but have not found hate among them. Could it be that you are misreading the replies? Sometimes the mood we are in can have a effect on the meaning of what we read.

_________________________
"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Pretty much my life as I have posted so far. Triggers!

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#39454 - 04/21/05 08:04 PM Re: Support
Bobby Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
Wow, Malidin, Didn't pick up on the hate. The topic of yours that I commented on was certainly a controversial one and one that brings up all sorts of emotions in each of us. But it did make me think, and it's not the first time that that subject has been discussed here. You received passionate replies, but I did not pick up hate for you in any of them. I can't speak for everyone here, but I know I have a great deal of anger to deal with and it's only natural that some of it is at times triggered by a topic of discussion...but never towards the writer of the post. We are all here to heal and are all fragile in the final analysis. There is simply no room for hate here. That doesn't mean that we have to agree or that we won't be passionate in our disagreement. I, for one, may not always support your opinion, but, god help me, if there is ever a time when I don't support you on this difficult journey. Bobby

_________________________
I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.




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#39455 - 04/21/05 10:00 PM Re: Support
ForeverFighting Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/09/05
Posts: 1058
Loc: New Mexico, USA
Malidin, I missed that whole thing. I'm sorry about that. I posted a response first off and never went back to see what blew up in your face. Please don't take what people said personal. I know that's hard to do, but it's just that all of us are coming from such different places.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said:
Quote:
Is the older brother who sneaks into his younger brother's bed in the middle of the night the same as the brutal man who ties up the child, rapes him and beats him afterward? ....I hate not knowing wheather I should love or hate.
We all need validation as to how we feel. You're in such a tough spot, because it was your brother. I have a sister that has turned on me, and it hurts, because there was a time way back when we actually liked each other. We support you, and I understand how bad you're feeling. No one here can tell you that you have to hate your brother or you have to forgive him. And if he did or is willing to get help, maybe it will all work out in the end.

A lot of people here, including me, were SA in a hateful sort of way, if that makes sense. My uncle abused me out of spite for his brother and teaching me a lesson. There was a point to it. And I know a lot of guys here that don't ever want any kind of relationship with the abusers. So coming from that side of the fence, it is inconceivable to show any kind of... I don't know... pity? for the abuser.

I agreed with a lot of what you said, about helping people to change to prevent these atrocities. I agree. We're in such a troubled place here that all of us have protective shields that have saved our lives. Please, please don't take the shields personally. I saw how hard you tried in that thread. And I see the fight you have inside as to what to do or how to feel with your brother. I blew up in a thread elsewhere started by somebody else where my shields just came up. I couldn't help it, and the right thing to do was for me to stay out of that thread. But in all of these cases, perps aren't all alike, and their victims all come away with different experiences and ways of looking at the world.

Please look at it like that. You're a good man, and these guys here are good men. You were dealing with a subject I've never had to deal with, and I don't envy you. It wasn't you. It was the subject. If it got rough in that thread, come over to a different one or PM me about your brother. I've got no answers, but I have an excellent set of ears.

Hang in there, brother.

Michael

_________________________
ForeverFighting

"This search for the truth--it's not for the faint of heart."--Goren on 'Law & Order: CI'
"The former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart."--Isaiah 65:17

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#39456 - 04/22/05 02:18 AM Re: Support
LostinPA Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 120
Loc: Lancaster, PA
Malidin,
I am new here too and sometimes it does feel like what we say is overlooked or ignored, but it has not been my experience that it was affrontery. I am hypersensitive and always see the glass half empty, but in here there should be a nature of helping all of us seeing that glass half full. You have my support and I clearly hear your pain. At times I have noticed that ones anger can blind you from the compassion of others because all you can see, and this case read is RED. It is sad your pain seems so solitary. Please know and hear my empathy and concern for you. Wishing you a soft place to land.
Ric

_________________________
LostinPA
Ric

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#39457 - 04/24/05 12:39 AM Re: Support
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I am sorry you find it hostile sometime here. But some things you have post, I know they are important thoughts to you, and you should be able to post them. But they are thoughts, they are feelings, and maybe how they are said, that I think many people here get defensive of. I feel sorry for the men who abused me. I think they are small and pathetic creatures, and I pray for them. But that do not mean that I do not fear them. Anger, hate, I sometime feel that for the people who have harmed other people I care about and love. It is hard to have sympathy for such 'humans' who can do such non-human things. To suggest it, and to suggest trying to understand that behavior, I can see it being something that will make some people be on defense of. Because often, many of us, if we did try to say anything, we were not heard. Even now, the voice of the male survivor is very quiet one, comparing to females. To speak of a male being abused, specially if it is by a female, is to draw quiet and snickers and skepticalism. I think the frustration of that, and then someone suggesting to try to look at and understand the perpetrators, when it seems no one looks at or understands the victims, is something that makes people angry and on defense. It is an issue that is importent, and I know it is importent to you, as you have posted of it few times. I am sorry you feel not supported in your thoughts. But it is a hard issue. I do not agree, really, or disagree so much as some others. But I suppose to disagree would be considered rude. So I say nothing, and hope you find it more support here.

Andrei


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