Newest Members
Stormchaser, johnnyc717, bluebook, Roscoe, SJC
12314 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueturtle (46), David C (40), DavidC (40), Derdlecar (61), Hector (54)
Who's Online
3 registered (Survivinguy, Jude, 1 invisible), 13 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12314 Members
74 Forums
63366 Topics
443087 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 4 of 4 < 1 2 3 4
Topic Options
#401017 - 06/20/12 10:09 AM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
HI Lou Lou

Im glad that you have gotten some clarity on the T's ideas and that you now know this is what is being said. So of the stuff sounded pretty crazy.
It is also a sign that your husband is getting a little better because he let you speak to his T.
I agree, just having a mother with Privacy issues does not a survivor make.
A lot more must of happened.
I blocked out certain experiences in my life that came to light when I started reading other peoples stories online.

Get your husband to join MS.org.
But I must tell you to please do a bit of homework on the Co-Dependency issues in your life.
PLEASE DONT NEGLECT YOURSELF, and dont think that you can handle it. Get help from CODA or AL ANON you need the support and the courage to draw up healthy boundries.

Heal well
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

Top
#401018 - 06/20/12 10:21 AM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
LouLou Offline


Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 35
Hey Martin,
Thanks for the response and the advice.
I don't believe that i am a 'typical' Co dependent. I have done quite a bit of research. The only thing that can point to co dependency, is the fact that i have said i will leave my husband if things don't change. I have done NOTHING to support his bad habits. I have stated clearly, if you want to be on your own, let me go because these behaviours are not helping my self esteem. I don't want to come across as arrogant, but i feel like i am strong within myself. This shit has nothing to do with me. i run every day, i have a healthy diet. I do take care of myself...
Do i need to leave him in order not to be Co dependent? I don't understand.

Top
#401019 - 06/20/12 10:22 AM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
LouLou Offline


Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 35
I don't believe i can save my husband either. Only he can do that.

Top
#401024 - 06/20/12 10:38 AM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
LouLou Offline


Registered: 04/20/12
Posts: 35
I 've gone on to the wiki checklist of co dependency symptoms. I answered, honestly, "no" to the majority of them. I am guilty of being in a relationship where my husband is doing things that are detrimental to our marriage, but seeing as though he can't even be in his own body yet, does that make me co dependent by believing that maybe he can seek help???

Top
#401047 - 06/20/12 01:54 PM Re: Survivor? * Possible Triggers* [Re: LouLou]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3603
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey LouLou,
must say that you are doing great for your husband and your relationship. Co dependency is related to having focus not on self but on someone else - on his/her needs, emotions, problems and all other "important" issues. It is very tricky situation and not so visible and it doesn't happen overnight but rather during some time. It is great that you are feeling strong, have some healthy habits an so on -that is really good. Additionally please take care to feel yourself, what do you feel deep inside, have you been connected to inner self, what are your current issues/interests that are not related to your partner's problems and his current issues, are there any? Being in your own body is nice explanation for having focus on self. We all are easily lost if our partners have some serious issues and we in that process need to take care of ourselves as well, it sounds easy when saying but hard to regularly do it.
Be well!
Pero
_________________________
My story

Top
Page 4 of 4 < 1 2 3 4


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.