I still am reeling from this.
I re-read my post and some of the others afterwards.
I get the impression that somehow my words have been interpreted that I implied that his death was somehow his choice. Nothing could be further from the truth. If i offended anyone or gave that impression, i am truly sorry.
of course he wanted out, he wanted a real life. His was unspeakable.
I was deeply upset when i wrote that, frustated and fucking angry that this happened to such a sweet guy. He was desparate and in a unimaginable pain.
What I was trying to relate is that, when we are so stuck we cant make any step forward backward sideways -frozen. It makes us deer in the headlights. I live this everyday. Trying to make even the smallest changes , any little victory. Sometimes I think it will never change and I did not have anywhere near the painful past or present he had.
I cant even imagine what he went thru. Its just that for any of us, on any of our journeys, its sometimes feels like there are no options. There always are, even if we cant imagine them, cant see them or even fear them. They are there. I struggle everyday to embrace that.
Its just beyond tragic he didnt even get that chance.
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama
WoR Barrie 2011