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#392058 - 04/03/12 12:47 PM looks like a poem yet holds my future
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
Our friends are her friends really
Our past-times are her favorites
Our shows - the ones she likes
      or is willing to watch

No place for gay romance
Gay comedy, gay action
Or any program
If one the of the characters is known gay
      before the program begins

The foundation is being laid for change
Resources have been examined
And initials budgets laid out
      for when the time comes

Tranquilizers full force
Anti-anxiety meds refilled
Therapy in full swing
      and staying FAR from caffiene

Still weighing the options
Having to start all over again
Living place, friends, etc
      not to mention being alone......

May not open that door
Not sure I can survive it
Pretty sure I can't survive NOT opening it
      how do you make a decision like this?????????
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#392074 - 04/03/12 05:20 PM Re: looks like a poem yet holds my future [Re: MarkK]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3609
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Markk,
the subject of your poem says it all... Please take it easy in finding answer: how do you make decision like this?
I don't have answer on that but just advice to take some huge time. Don't put yourself under some big pressure; you'll certainly find way to open that door...
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#392124 - 04/04/12 02:08 AM * [Re: peroperic2009]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 05:03 PM)

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#392468 - 04/06/12 08:46 AM Re: looks like a poem yet holds my future [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
thanks, guys - but i think i'm walking away from this one and just not addressing it. i've managed almost 60 years - i should be able to handle a few more.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#393630 - 04/16/12 11:13 AM Re: looks like a poem yet holds my future [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
.... just walking away ain't workin either
frown
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#393648 - 04/16/12 02:25 PM Re: looks like a poem yet holds my future [Re: MarkK]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3609
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey MarkK,
I don't have any good advice for you, I wish I have some but I don't...
I hope that you are brave, patient and calm. There is no need for some additional pain, no one need those stuff that you mentioned in your penultimate stanza (being alone, looking for new friends, living place etc)....
I do hope (and I pray) that some solution is possible to open that door without additional and excessive pain wink ?
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#393660 - 04/16/12 04:48 PM Re: looks like a poem yet holds my future [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
you are a good friend, pero.

My T has cautioned me against moving "too far too fast" without first developing a local support system. You always see them in the movies, midnight, pouring rain, the guy's been thrown out of his house and he goes to ******'s place, wakes him up in the middle of the night, and gets a couch to crash on for a bit.

what no one (including my T) seems to know - is how the $(*@(*& you build that kind of support system.

there is no way to do this without causing pain - it's ending a 37 year relationship - that's gonna hurt. and though I can help minimize pain by how I say things and do things - - I have no idea how to protect myself against all the fears and junk piled up inside me just waiting to come crashing down.
_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#393697 - 04/16/12 11:19 PM Re: looks like a poem yet holds my future [Re: MarkK]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3609
Loc: South-East Europe
Building some support system sounds like good advice MarkK.
Is there any person among your friends (or family members) who could be supportive to you in all this?
Please be gentle as possible in ending so long relationship... I guess that is impossible to avoid some pain.
If it is possible write down those fears and share them as much as possible. You have to find way that suite you best in channeling them out. Some affirmative stance on all this could bring more positive perspective...
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