well i have gone back to self medication, found that do the trick for know,have the left behind feeling going, like abandoned but their just ignoring me, the pills do help slow me down, make it easier to think of other things then just the pictures, i had to say to the counsiler that i would only take a sirten amount or call her, i hate to bather other people with this shit, get depressed more just with the thought.....

Hello Thunderbolt,
This is the first time coming here and I can relate with u man this shit it hard core, the memories the racing thoughts, the anxiety,I get tired of dealing with it myself but when I feel overwelmed with the memories or thoughts. I tell myself I refuse to allow what my stepfather and others did to me to rule or destroy my life.
I am not the sum total of the abuse that happened to me. I am still a human being that is valuable and unique. (as are you)I try to be a good person, Im a good father and husband and I love my kids and provide a safe loving home for them to grow up in.
I will never allow anyone to abuse them in any way shape of form. I teach them that thay have the right to speak up if they feel somone is mistreating them, and they do. They are (Justin-7 and Adam-4) I let them know they can talk to me about anything that is bothering them That gives my a great deal of satisfaction, and helps heal my woundedness in a way.
Please hang in there you are not alone
In friendship

Thanks, Dan

thunderbolt, keep intouch w as many healthy people as u can. Including here. Hang in there. You can do it. It is a hard thing at times, but it does get easier.

The sun will shine at times. Feelings are always changing, Keep in touch.

Your friend Michael Joseph

THAT MAY BE A PROBLEM I CANT STAND TO MANY PEOPLE, im haveing problems in this suport group im in now for a little while it was ok they seem to be making demands now, i left a message with my counsiler that this AA thing is not working they are asking me to comply to the program it makes me feel like im going to get fucked again, im haveing a question, this thing about giveing my self over to what i dont know is horrifing its got me twisted right now,its like one think after an other is bullshit, wish i had the winning number right now....thanks

Maybe aa isnt for you thunderboldt.
Do things that help you. If it is not working dont go. Is alcohol a problem for you?

the urge for alcohol has left me since i turned to face my past,i do get the smells and feeling though as if ,the concept and riged live by these suggestions are the control mechinizims that through me back to the abuse every time,my counsiler said the same as you , and an aa member also, but the aa member asked me to stay if just for a guide to liveing maybe just listen for a while more, thank you for your concern that i maybe heading in the wrong direction.....

If aa continues to cause problems ornot feel right do something else.

OK !!!!!!!!!!
im thinking!,,,,,,

Glad you are thinking, just remember to do what is right for you.

thunderbolt, hope you are ok
Conference in NY went well
I will try to get online more.