I know I have felt this way before, life goes up and down, sometimes you go down more than up, other times you go up more. I hope you have enough people in your life to help you. Even if it is only One Good Person.

one,,,,,thanks..

i spoke to my wife about support, how i dont see any from her but to get over it, these people that dont understand are many, in all my exictence but for now no one ever spoke of abuse, she does not comprehend the distruction it has caused, to change and say the world i inhabit is wrong does not compute,she can not imagine the pain and twist it causes just to think about crossing a line of new existence, i do not have the words in my vocabulary, to much less atempt that feat,,,my counsiler has asked me to rediffin my diffintion of love, its been four days i have no compreheantion of what to do,i speak with her today hope shes not disapointed in me,,,i am rather used to no support, the isolation has been me freind for a long time,i dont like the thought of loseing my defences....thanks

Thunderbolt,

We are here to support you. I wish that others in your life could also support you but you know we will always be here for you.

Brian

sometimes wife's do not always know the kind of support we need. They cannot read minds.
get support here when you can, keep comming back.

we come from a common ground

today i am in a box and see no way out, i have come to lable this one dispair, i think thats the right diffintion, it well be mine for now,i eat pain pills to make this go away, i would like to stop this but see no other way, it hurts to much right now to go through, its like some thing else takes over and controls me, holds me back shows me pictures, the ones i try to push out of my mind, its an endless battle that leaves me very exausted, i would like to die now and get it over, this is like every day, i wonder what will happen if i let go, or worse when i cant take any more, i just dont know,,,,thank guys....

You hang in there, man.did you try to tell your wife how much your suffering? let her in. don't worry about your couseler being disappointed in you.she's not there to judge you.tell her and your wife how much your hurting.describe the hurt, the pain that goes right to your core.describe it here.let people in.think about what's goo din your life.what makes you laugh?what gives you peace?there's soemthing that makes it worth living. you hang in there.you have many friends here.

I agree w big bear, hang in there.
If you can't open up to your wife, open up here, get your feelings out.

i feel so bad when i tell on my self , the price i pay later is costing to much, the head achs, body twitching, my get dubble up and hurt like hell, some times it feels like its happening all over again,i have been haveing this real bad feeling for a week now,it about got my scared that i may lose something very valuble like my mind or worse,she said my body is fighting my mind, it thinks my mind cant handle it,latly i breath like hyperventalating, we have done practice in slow deep breathing to help me stay in control, i am haveing big trouble i think, i dont know if im going to stay here or not....fuckingwaced....thanks

Keep breathing deep, remember to keep breathing