Always trying to relate sexually. I feel like relationships have to turn sexual. And if they don't I suspect something is wrong with me. Like they don't like me, like I am worthless or something.
I am still trying to learn what a healthy sexuality is, but so far I have no idea how I am supposed to express myself sexually in a healthy. All I have ever known is dysfunction. And it's all tied up in my self esteem. It's a mess really. I have resolved to be consciously asexual, even though the desire is there. But porn has turned into an addiction, and when I starve the addiction I turn to real people, and mistake that for attraction. So I have no clue what genuine attraction is, and what healthy sexual expression looks like. For now, it's something I read about in books.
The first bolded section is me. No idea there was a "genuine attraction." Is there one? I don't sexualize everyone I meet though. Healthy sexual expression I have no idea what that means. Hope you meet someone as horny as you. That's what I looked for. Lot of women out there like that. I doubt I could be with an asexual person. Not wired for it. I may not have a clue what "healthy sexuality" is, but I know an asexual person in a sexual relationship doesn't work for long. People end up having affairs like that. If both are asexual, sure. If you let CSA steal your sex life, kinda let them win, right? Glad I met women that wanted it all the time. Casual sex not love.
I remember asking my Ts about hypersexuality and they didn't want to discuss it. Gee, I really got screwed with these losers. Not any good at Bipolar/anxiety either. Trying to think, what the fuck did I see them for? I mean, really? Now I want a fat refund check from all of them. hehe
If normal is once a month, I don't wanna know what "healthy" is and casual sex sounds great to me. I personally see casual sex as no big deal and neither is porn. Perhaps society should stop being hypocritical and get of other people's bedrooms. -Phoenix, xoxo