I am sorry that you are going through this it is hard I know.
There are no right and wrong things to say, I am a survivor, and never realized the impact that this had on my life until I saw other survivors telling their stories.
No matter how much my wife spoke to me I did not see it.
The best way to do this is through "gorilla warfare tactics" You need to plant information around his house, reading material that he may Just pick up. Go to the Oprah show and download the 200 men programme and give it to him.
Buy the leaping on mountains book by Mike Lew and give it to him or leave it at his house.
There is a brochure that you can print off my Blog, (follow the link below) or go to Amsosa
and print their brochure.
Bottom line is that he needs to make up his own mind. We can "push" him in the right direction, but the choice must be his.
You also need to help yourself now, because this affects you too. Buy a book called CO-Dependent no more
and read it and do the exercises yourself.
Feel free to PM me any time