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#393557 - 04/15/12 04:22 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Anomalous

Thanks for the links, I will go through them and see what I need to use.
I really appreciate all your input. Thanks again

Martin
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#394895 - 04/25/12 07:56 AM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
To all My Brothers around the world, I thank you.
This has been a really hard time, I am so afraid that my princess goes through the same that I went through. This has been the biggest fear in my life.

Strange that for the first year of her life I would bath her and love her as much as I could.
When she became a toddler, I would avoid being alone in a room with her. I feared that I was the most sick of perverts, when actually I was not.

It was only through this site, and the Forum family, that I was able to begin restoring my relationship with my baby.
Then fear of all fears along comes some perv and tries to steal her innocence.

Thanks again family, for all your support and advice.

Heal well all
God Bless
Martin
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#394954 - 04/25/12 08:31 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
GBWU Offline


Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 17
Whome,

Keep the communication open. My older children (ages 23 & 20) would make fun of me because I always had what they called the talks.

She is a very lucky young lady to have such wonderful parents.

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#395027 - 04/26/12 07:18 AM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 307
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi Whome,

Be thankful that you caught this at the very early stages. You did excellent in not blowing up at your angel and/or wife. She would have just tuned you out and you would end up losing the opportunity to teach her a lesson and save her from undergoing the shit we went through. We learned about sexual abuse hard way and now you can use that knowledge telling your angel about the risks to using the internet and the ploys that abusers will use to get their way i.e. abusing others and destroying lives.

Our children/grandchildren know more about using computers and the internet by the time they're 10 years old than we will ever know about computers in our lives. We just somehow have to learn to keep up with them learning about filters, checking the internet history so that we'll know what they have been looking at, all that stuff and more.
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WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#395032 - 04/26/12 07:38 AM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6401
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Whome,

I know this fear...as a father I know it. My kids are actually my only source of fear at this point in life.

With my son and all his buds being online, I've ensured they keep no secrets from me regarding online antics (both son and buds). Now that he's allowed a FB account, I've got inherent license to track activity there, though I've always tracked all browsing.

My daughter (11) acts very compliant and obedient, but she likes to walk on the wild-side at times. It could be nuts-o skateboarding, too fast on a bike, and just clicking-through to sites she knows nothing about, but she has to be monitored constantly.

In reading your initial post of this thread, a wave of flush-anxiety took my body. Only our kids can do that to us.
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#395036 - 04/26/12 08:21 AM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1124
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Check into Netnanny and Bsecure (I think they call it Cloud secure now). They are both very good blockers and have excellent parental controls. I installed blockers on the family PC back when our son was 12 (he's 18 now). I happened to look at the browser search history, and was shocked. We had the "talk" about porn and poisoning the mind with images. These programs also manage chats to keep kids safe from the pervs.
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#395692 - 05/01/12 08:20 AM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
confusion4life Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 109
Loc: Italy
dear martin,

i am a mom and i did warn all my kids from perverts on the internet. this does not mean none of them could ever get hold of my kids. this just means that they would be a tiny miny bit more aware of it, because they have this warning. but kids are innocent. they cannot possibly understand the REAL danger behind those perverts. you daughter is 12 and she has this one huge advantage that you can talk about your own experience. of course you cant tell her the very traumatizing parts of your abuse (the ones which would traumatize HER). but she will get a very good impression that it can happen to anyone (even her dad) and that will take her responsibility off her for the pictures she had sent. i think this is very important that it doesnt last on her shoulders. there was an adults behind there and we adults can generally make kids do anything we want - unfortunately - as the kids are again INNOCENT. always remember that when you talk to her about the internet thing.
i would also suggest that you show her a show or also on youtube: catch a pedophile. she is 12, she would get the picture that perverts dont have scars and magic wands, that they are just normal looking people. this you could also use if you cant really tell her more about the abuse that was done to you in your childhood because it would shredder her innocent heart.
my kids were very impressed by the show and i watched a few of them together with them. you got to be there. 12 is a very sensitive age. they need you there for the immediate questions they all have.
you have not taken the innocence of her. she is still innocent. you just taught her some reality in life, but that doesnt not make HER not innocent. for being NOT innocent, a person has to do something wrong to another person first with full understanding. that was not what she did. that was also not what you did when you were small or a teenager. adults are all alone responsible for this.

ela
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