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#392999 - 04/10/12 03:30 PM The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS***
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Tonight I had to talk to my daughter.

We found out that my beautiful 12 year old angel, was in chat rooms and was involved with some pervert that asked her for pictures of her in her bra. Her friend sent pictures of herself with her hands over her breasts.

Well I gotta tell you that I almost lost it, I was about to do my rage anger thing. Fortunately, my wife knows me and spoke me down.
What I did fear was that what happened to me would happen to my daughter, and this scared me more than it angered me.

So tonight, I sat my 'baby' down and told her a little about my life. I had to break her innocence and tell her that not all people were friendly, that not all people wanted to be her friend.

Lord I pray that my experience will help the one person that counts most to me.

Lord I pray that this year gets better.

Heal well all
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#393013 - 04/10/12 04:52 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
I can empathize with you on this disclosure, Martin. Although I have boys and it seems to me it would be different, just being able to talk about the dangers of this activity and how it had adversely affected us with our children is a good thing.

They know hypocrisy and deceit, so when they see us committed to our story, they know it is the truth. This experimentation you mention with your daughter and her friend would not have ended here, you are so right in your action to keep her safe.

My sons were uncomfortable when I disclosed to them about the abuse, around the same time they started experimenting sexually. The impact was noticeable, their activity decreased. In fact they began to look for love and a relationship, instead of sex and the extreme excitement of it. It is a good thing we disclose when we are ready.

Well done Martin,
Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#393016 - 04/10/12 05:05 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3608
Loc: South-East Europe
Hey Martin,
take it easy and have some nerves. It is good thing that you and your wife have found about it. But must say that you should already have told some stuff to your daughter about behavior on internet.
Please be aware that your daughter is very grown respecting her possibilities in using computers, kids are just too fast these days. And they doing it like they are not at all innocent so they need education very early about it.
So please think on education plan for yourself and your little angel. Children today are so capable of using tech things and we older ones have to learn them very early; it is sad thing that parents regularly don't see those risks on time. So we adults need to learn them how to use it safely and what are risks there in first place. Those are things that we learn kids many years ago for their real life, there is same need here too, they would not lost innocence because of that. Consider it like showing her how to go across the street alone.
So please consider to put some rules in using internet, like this:
let your daughter know that you are interested in her online activities;
Place the computer in the living-room - this is must;
Set some rules for using the Internet (when is allowed to used it, at which hour, is it allowed to have Facebook profile, is it allowed for her to go to chat rooms, is it allowed to use camera, please put also some filter for pornography etc.)
Explain to her who is a stranger in real and who in virtual world;
Explain to her what are potential hazards of meeting the person that she knows only through chat and online;
Explain to her the dangers of sending own pictures online, as well as the concept of child pornography- yes she can understand that easily;
Alert her that conversation with strangers especially on sexual issues can be dangerous for her;
Explain to her that sexual activity between adults and minors is punishable offense;


Martin, it is important to remember:
your kid may know more about technology than you, but you know more about life. You are allowed to set rules and request their compliance.
That is the most basic role of parent and you are very good parent...
I'm sure that you'll be good in all this smile !

_________________________
My story

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#393017 - 04/10/12 05:07 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: peroperic2009]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1652
Martin

That had to be very difficult to hear about your daughter and for you to open up about yourself. At least you found out early and hopefully she hears you.

Good luck

Kevin

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#393018 - 04/10/12 05:11 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: peroperic2009]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Guys

I must say that it was a bit of a mind blow, but I will talk to her some more and explain about the weir-dos out there.

Heal well
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#393019 - 04/10/12 05:11 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: KMCINVA]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Thanks Kevin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#393039 - 04/10/12 08:00 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Martin -- Your daughter is fortunate to have both you and your wife on her side (and looking over her shoulder). Great teamwork between the two of you in dealing with this.

Thinking of you all and sending peace and clarity of mind to all.

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#393060 - 04/10/12 10:49 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: eyesforward]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3397
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Martin -

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

At least you were able to catch it early on and hopefully prevent further harm.

Adding my prayers to yours,
Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#393097 - 04/11/12 06:59 PM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 409
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Glad you found out about it sooner rather than later.
_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#393524 - 04/15/12 08:37 AM Re: The thing I feared most.***TRIGGERS*** [Re: whome]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1346
Hi Martin,

I can only imagine your terror at discovering your daughter's activities.

She is very lucky that you found out, and that you care enough to speak to her about the less than savory side of life.

Some of the linked articles might be triggering, but I think you need to discuss what they contain with your wife and daughter.


This article is a MUST READ.

Through His Webcam, Boy Joins Sordid World.


Predator Caught in Child Porn Sweep and information about webcams and chat rooms.


Good Article for Preventing Child Abuse. Thank you, Disappointed for the links.


Safeguarding Children Board.


Keeping Children Safe - Your Right to Ask.






Anomalous
_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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