If you are asking whether or not you were sexually abused based on your brother's denial or your families' ignorance, these things cannot be the benchmark of the abuse recollection. Too, you have spent a lifetime disavowing what you knew to be true.

H, you are very new to the discovery of the abuse. You have a clear memory, in time you will have a confident understanding of the abuse. You will have safe, progressive healing. You will be able to disclose and confront in a more healthy way, a way that garners respect.

Almost all do it wrong fellow survivor. The great majority act out, get angry, and a large portion of us blurt out the abuse while under stress, so did you. That makes you a card carrying member of the survivor's club. Read this about Disclosure and Confrontation

Now that you are beginning to believe in yourself, don't stop!

Sam

Hi H18,

I do not know what the laws are in your country, but in the United States, a doctor is not permitted to release any medical information for a person who is 18 years old (the age of majority), or older, unless there is a court order permitting them to do that.

If the laws in your country are like ours, then your doctor cannot legally disclose anything to anyone without your prior written consent. Consent must be obtained each time the information is ot be released. You also have control as to which information is released and to whom.

I am very sorry that you endured such horrible things and the toll it has been taking on your life.

The fact taht someone told you the LIE that abused males becomes abusers really makes me angry.

As a matter of fact, you can read the post about that very subject here at MS. Information about the Abused Becoming Abusers

The erroneous conclusion from which that myth comes is from a study done in 1979.

The article in the link above, starting on page 4, talks about why that study was incorrect in it's conclusions and what the truth is.

Please take care of yourself, and if that means telling your doctor the truth so you can receive the appropriate services, please do that. If your laws are similar to ours, your doctor cannot reveal any of your personal information. No one has to know.

I am sorry you need to be here, but I am happy that you have found us.


Welcome to MS.





Anomalous

No, you definitely didn't make it up; you know what happened. What takes place in your family now should show you the truth about them; who will they believe, you or him? If they don't believe you they aren't worth your time. It's highly unlikely that your brother would just admit what he did, especially if he feels other people will back him up. Don't expect anything from him.

There was nothing wrong with the way you disclosed your abuse; it seems obvious to me that the rest of your family feels fine with shouting things out loud. You have the right to do so as well, and the way or manner in which you confront your abusive family is irrelevant to the fact that you deserve to be believed and respected, and you have a right to speak your truth. It's good that you were abl e to.

H18, I wonder if you still come here and lurk, like I do. I hope you're okay. It sounds like rough times at your house. I've been there, with the brother thing. I haven't confronted him or my mom. I admire your courage. I hope you are doing better. If you feel like, please drop a line and update us. Much love.

H18--First of all, Hugs bro ((((((((H18))))))))).

I was molested/raped by my brother. I too am gay. I too had a shouting episode with my family where I accused my brother of his wrongs. My family swept it under the rug and pretended that it didn't happen. The level of denial in my family is toxic, alcoholic, and fuels intense family dynamics that control everyone's behavior and is poisonous and toxic.

Today I choose not to engage. I know what the truth is, I know whether they admit it or not. I seek professional help to heal from my abuse and toxic shame. I don't need to forgive my brother, nor discuss it with my parents, I literally don't talk to them anymore.

It is up to you how to handle the emotional ups and downs of dealing with your family. But either way I urge you to get a professional on deck to help you learn how to lessen the impact of the abuse long term and how to intervene in your life and advocate for health. You admit to considering self harm, which (though very common among us survivors of incest and CSA) is a red flag that you should obtain theraputic assistance. While I have not been able to erase the effects that abuse has had on my life, I have been able to mitigate and control how much it has impacted me and how much it continues to impact me. When my emotions threaten to destroy my life I seek help, I think you should too.

Remember you are not to blame,
You didn't make this up, and you have nothing to feel disgusting about. You are a beautiful person, a strong and able survivor who is forging ahead in spite of (almost) insurmountable abuses.

See a therapist, and don't forget to cut yourself some slack where your family is concerned. You are gay, You are priceless, you are a miracle, and you will survive. (Make the trip easier by advocating for yourelf and getting a leg up when you need it bro...none of us make it alone).

Best of Luck H18 and remember we love you.

Geoff

*