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#392477 - 04/06/12 10:46 AM Re: Feeling Worthless - The Pursuit of Worth [Re: Anthony39]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
[quote=Anthony39]Self worth for me is an up and down thing. Instead of relying on my own sense, my self worth is still influenced from the outside. If things are good in my life I get confident and small obstacles dont affect me. If I perceive that things are not going well, then doubt settles in and my worth goes down the drain.
There is no logic to it, its an overwhelming sense of doom....
...I think that i am learning to be me, to know my needs, my limits, my values, and all that together is my self worth.
quote]

So true - my sense of worth can fluctuate wildly within a single day - depending on external circumstances - how a group or individual project turned out, the results of a superior's or group's decision, disagreement in a discussion, something someone else says or does, even a facial expression. i can go from riding high and feeling pretty good about myself to floundering in a pit of self-condemnation & self-pity. that's one of the results of our conditioning or the perps' treatment or our own judgements of self-blame or whatever...

And - right - no logic to it. we would not apply the same warped value scale to someone else as we do to ourselves!

self-acceptance is part of the answer - and believing others who value us and their assessment of our worth. my wife is always affirming me but i seldom take her seriously. and then she gently berates me for havin a low self-esteem and not trusting her valuation and then i kick myself for being so lame, etc. ad infinitum...

another issue i've read about as a common factor is perfectionsim. that has certainly applied to me - and is self-defeating. gotta kick that habit too! must give ourselves permission to be human and to be OK with that.

Lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#392491 - 04/06/12 12:43 PM Re: Feeling Worthless - The Pursuit of Worth [Re: Shaun The Sheep]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Originally Posted By: Shaun The Sheep


I've been doing a lot of thinking and wanted to bounce it off of all of you - isn't our recovery the pursuit of feeling like we're worth something? Is that what CSA took from me?

Yes it is about finding our self worth and that can be hard when you have people still trying to keep you inin the place they are used to having you in and you are used to being in because of the abuse. Part of self worth is loving ourselves as a good and valuable person regardless of what others think or what happened.
_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#392496 - 04/06/12 01:20 PM Re: Feeling Worthless - The Pursuit of Worth [Re: traveler]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Quote:
Innocence, hope, self-confidence, sense of security, belief in self-determination, clarity of sexual roles, emotional health, sometimes physical wellness, etc.... and - yessirree-bob - sense of worth!


I'd add self-esteem and childhood (innocence). I will say child abuse can take those too. CSA may have taken my innocence and clarity of sexual roles but the long-term child abuse took everything else. So much so I hate humanity at times. Certainly hate we were made so weak. It was almost an invitation to destruction. I don't believe God (or Goddess) is involved in 99.9% of things so I can't blame him/her at all. Nor blame some dude/chick in a tux and pitchfork. Say I had the power to take a ship away from here and could chose whomever I wanted to go. I'd like to be noble and say I'd shove as many people in my ship as possible. It wouldn't happen. Oprah certainly wouldn't be on it. Hahahahaha!!! Kinda wonder who I would take. Wouldn't tell anyone. I'd probably take mostly the downtrodden I've met (those society scorns) and those different and give the finger to people I couldn't stand. Interesting question. Difficult question. Maybe I think there is too much evil and greed in the world. Or, just maybe I'm right about it.
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#392566 - 04/06/12 10:39 PM Re: Feeling Worthless - The Pursuit of Worth [Re: phoenix321]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5945
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Shaun, the replies here more than cover the current issues you are facing in getting acknowledgement from your father and brother. It tears at us, feelings of unfairness, contention, resentment, rejection and destruction. When we try to approach those offenders, we get the sarcasm, the jibes, the aloof, cynical retort. They cannot understand, Shaun, and that is what we are fighting. They feel we are attacking their "hallowed" past, accusing them of wrongdoing, and we are. What they cannot understand is we are seeking connection with them, a truce, but they need to understand the harm they have done.

They will not Shaun. They will not acknowledge the wrongdoing, the effects nor what they see as something that has overcome you independent of what happened under their "tutelage". It is simply not their fault, as they see it. It is not their problem, and as they come close the matter, they defend themselves with all expenditure. They defend until they offend. It is a no win scenario. You are a highly sensitive person fighting with self righteous, arrogant narcissists.

As you have done, block them and "un-friend" them. It is of no value to keep trying to communicate your accusations to them, they will not listen. "Pearls before swine", "white washed graves", the dog that has returned to it's vomit". Of what possible value is it to accompany yourself with these "beasts"? You will only continue to be attacked, mauled and manipulated.

There are other options, new brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers waiting to embrace your enthusiasm, faith, hope, courage, fears, and love. While the physical connection to those who have hurt you can never be severed, the emotional connection can be "dialed down" until there is as much or as little interaction between you and them as you want. Find that balance, Shaun, and the world will warm, lighten and smile with you,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#392585 - 04/07/12 12:50 AM Re: Feeling Worthless - The Pursuit of Worth [Re: SamV]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Good words, Sam!
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
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