Pero, you got me thinking.
"I would have some questions in first place if I were in your position:"
-Would I been hurt there by her and her behavior?
I don't expect to be physically harmed. Her attack is physiological now. She loves to push the buttons she installed so long ago.
-Would she be mean/abusive to me in front of others and if we get alone?
Yes. She loves to tell humiliating stories about me as a child.
-Would I have opportunity to share as short as possible same space with her and way for escape? (I'm not ready for Disclosure and Confrontation yet, so this is an important question.)
I'll stay as far away as possible. Or, always keep someone else at arms length. I expect close to 100 people there, like last time, so this shouldn't be too hard. Also I could come late and leave early.
-Would I have some possibility to set safe border, would she/others comply?
My mother would not comply to anything that she feels would make me feel comfortable. She never has. I maintain estrangement between us now (5 years now), but I still don't trust her in a face to face situation. Everyone in my family knows this and that putting us together could be volatile, which may work to my advantage.